Dating Thread 128: the one without a catchy title

[RunsforCake14]

Dating thread rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is you don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. You are the prize - they should be trying to impress you.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread

pringle yes. definitely yes. YES.

So I have another Date with MrDoesTextOnTheWeekends but I am still very much on guard and 150% overthinking

Very good post by Pringle, I totally agree.

Also Bloody I agree it is off putting and sounds desperate, but I guess some are just trying to show that they don't live with their parents or live in a shared house, which they know puts off women. There are plenty on here who won't go out with someone who doesn't drive.

Pringle go on the date!

Kin I earn more than most people and I've been really careful with it when dating. In the early days I'm strictly 50/50 but if someone lets me treat them then I love that as long as they treat me next time. It would be really easy for me to pay for everything but I want a partnership of equals plus it is socially less acceptable for a woman to pay for everything so I do tread carefully. I guess my point is that just because you can pay it doesn't mean you should in the early days. For me it's part of the weeding out process. I want to be with someone who's willing to pay to eat out and sees a value in paying to see a show. If someone's mean with money they're usually mean with their heart. Maybe do things a bit differently next time and make sure she's happy to contribute from time to time. Once you've established that then you can financially sweepnher off her feet!

That's an excellent post about money Pringle

Go on the date!

Nothing1 Pavonia I've told him I'll let him know tomorrow which days I can do. He works in a similar line of work to me - not too similar, but enough for him to know that's not a fob off.

Bloodyuselessatthinkingofaname Pavonia It's nice knowing upfront that the man is in a similar financial position, but the way most of them phrase it, it makes them sound like they think they're superior.

I also dismiss profiles where they whine about all the time wasting fake women - it's so off-putting.

Maybe you have a mortgage, maybe you have had some bad dates - but there are things you just don't say immediately!

BeenThereDating I agree with meanness. My ex used to hate tipping with a passion. Now I hate him with a p... I jest. I don't hate him. I just have no romantic feelings for him whatsoever anymore.

He sent me a few messages recently, via the only medium I hadn't blocked him from. He was reminiscing. However, for me, what I remember most clearly is that his meanness with money mirrored his meanness in bed.

No one wants a selfish lover. No one.

pringlecat you write really well and make a lot of sense!

Stmoritz Thanks!

Incidentally, just received an incoherent message from a man whose profile includes a picture of him posing next to a car. No, the shiny, shiny car does not make up for your lack of real words. If cars really were so magical, maybe we would just, oooh, I don't know - buy a car rather than look for a boyfriend?

Continuing with my rant inspired by the same crappy message, why do so many men use "lol" as punctuation? Ignoring the fact I am not keen on text speak, nothing they write makes me laugh out loud. It just makes me hang my head in despair. I don't think it means what they think it means...

So I had a 2nd date last night after having coffee last weekend and texting on and off all week. We had dinner at a halfway restaurant and then some hot snogging in his car afterwards (his had heated seats and it was freezing )

It was really nice and relaxed and he passes the kitchen counter test so now I just need to try and play it cool.
I'm great at under investing before meeting but I've never actually met anyone I want to see again so this is uncharted waters (apt as I'll call him MrCaptain)

We did text a bit when we got home. A little bit of late night sauce after the hot snogging but I really don't want this to be just about sex. I have fwb for that if I need it.
I just wish I had a bit more free time. My schedule is a but crazy over the next few weeks. I guess then I'll know if he's just after sex cause they'll no chance of that happening.

Springtime sounds good and a man with heated seats in his car is not to be sniffed at at this time of year!! It sounds like your schedule will help you keep your feet on the ground. Enjoy!

Date One down, Date Two to go.

Pringle I could have written that (esp about when mooseburgers will be served: who knows? But probably not on Date 3), really well put. Thanks

So Mr CuddlyBeard was lovely, totally went over my allotted time (that’s the second time this week I’ve made a liar of myself on here ) as talking was so easy. Think we probably both overshared a bit.
Exactly the same as my other dates: good first date, yes; see him again, yes; Looming Test, dunno; life partner, let’s not go there yet.

Got a bit of downtime now before Mr Cure later on and MrCloseBy is next week.
Had to end chat with one iron due to the not driving thing. Shame as he seemed right up my alley, but that’s just a deal-breaker, no point in pursuing it. I don’t know how one can manage at 49 without a car. I know I live on the edge of a city but it’s not London: the transport links aren’t that great.

Off to check Match now, one iron knows I have dates today (he asked, I told him) and has been sending “hope they don’t go well” messages. I get he’s trying to be amusing but I think he’s ruled himself out.....

Just to be clear, she had no idea what I was earning for the first 6-7 weeks. Off to airport soon, looking forward to seeing how everyone else got on this weekend...

Kinunir Given how much you do earn, I trust you don't look like a hobo. I work with some very wealthy people (who earn even more than you) and wealth usually comes out through the quality of a man's shirt and/or shoes. I know it does seem like we're all attacking a woman you really like, but she really doesn't sound like she's interested in you in the way that you deserve.

CoverMeLads If you do drive yourself, how sure are you that he can't get around with a car? You could be right - not being able to independently travel is unattractive/impractical. However at 49, he could well be earning enough money to afford regular taxis out of his normal income. You said edge of a city, so I just wanted to check the point - if he lived in the country, I would immediately agree with you.

Pringle it’s just that I drive for work, have friends all round the country and like going places (in the country, mostly) at weekends. The only place I won’t drive to is London. So I drive a lot. A very lot.
When my friends come to stay and we go out, I drive. When I go to gigs, I drive. Only time I don’t is when I see my best mate, who doesn’t drink.

I just can’t envisage always being the driver in a relationship. It’s not about being able to have a so much as it just not being a shared thing. I know I’d resent it in the long run.

I should have prefaced this by saying, I live on the edge of a city precisely because I can get into the country/onto the motorway really easily. This guy does take taxis, but to me that means always being dependant on someone else and I find that really unappealing. Maybe I’m just a control freak, but I hate public transport for that very reason; your ability to get around is ultimately out of your hands. And I’ve travelled with London Midland, so I know what I’m talking about there

I'm with you Cover. I won't date a non-driver. For me if a man hasn't learned to drive then I do see that as an unattractive man-child thing (unless he doesn't drive for medical reasons) and I'm happy to leave him swimming around the dating pool for someone else to snap up.

I don't drive in London but I drive to escape from London and I know that further down the line I'd resent always being the driver. On holiday I like to rent a car and explore and I want to share that driving. I have a car, he doesn't need to own one as I'd happily add him to the insurance. He just needs to have a licence and be happy to drive.

This guy knew it was likely to be an issue as he prefaced it as such and got in early with it. Glad he did, really.

So MrCB would like a second date, so yes I’m up for that.

Afternoon all, everyone has been writing essays since I last logged in!
It's really good to hear other peoples situations and perspectives, and nice that there are men on the thread to give that side too. When looking for a partner I don't bother much about money (always provide for me and kids myself but wouldn't be taken advantage of) looks (has to be an attraction but more about personality) Driving (current iron doesn't due to epilepsy, I do, so not an issue)
So it would seem I don't rule many out, however, most I meet for a coffee and cross out a second date straight away! Reasons are varied and bonkers, one had mannerisms like my dad :) one snapped at a waitress, one was overly affectionate, two were terrible kissers (kissing is important!)
Thanks coverand love for reassuring me on the numbers thing, with most friends in LTR's I am the odd one out going on date after date and sometimes question if this is normal.
I don't actually mind first dates, I quite enjoy them, have one tomorrow so will see how that goes as to whether I need to start lining up another.
Enjoy the rest of the weekend and thanks for sharing experiences and making me feel less of an oddball :)

I went on a couple of dates with someone who is 54 and had never learned to drive. It is unappealing as I see it as a basic life skill. Why wouldn't you?

I no-longer have a car as I live in London and decided I didn't need it anymore but I joined a car club so that I can easily use one if I need to.

Another I guy I dated said that he gave up his car quite a few years ago and wouldn't feel confident driving now. I don't want to become like that as I do think it is a bit limiting.

Some of the people in the dating pool do lack a bit of "get up and go". Given that I'm in London the driving isn't a deal breaker for me, but it often says something about the person's personality, lifestyle or circumstances.

None of my dates over the last year have told me what they earned but based on their job and lifestyle their financial circumstances are usually fairly obvious.

Another one who wouldn't date a non-driver. To me it's an essential 'grown up' life skill. I drive loads - I'm always out and about to go hiking, climbing, biking etc., usually in fairly remote areas, and I don't want to be someone's taxi service. It reminds me of relying on your parents for lifts as a teenager which really isn't attractive.

Cover sounds good with Mr CB!

Pringle are you me?! Everything you wrote in your post further up described me to a tee as well. I also think you should meet Mr Greek.

Kin I think it is quite easy for a woman to guess if a man is a high earner or not, she must have known what area you work in? I’m guessing your well dressed and you have a reasonable car?

I have had men message me using the fact they have money to try and get me interested, one offered to take me away for a weekend before even meeting me, others have bought me gifts, others have been so tight they don’t even offer to buy me a drink . There’s no way I would let someone take me away for a weekend without me being able to offer to pay my own way, I would feel like I was using them. I tend to date guys that aren’t really well off but obviously not in debt either.

I have a couple new irons, one is someone I have been watching on POF for a while, I have added him as favourite in the past but not messaged as I thought he was out of my league, this afternoon he has messaged me, he sounds very intelligent, I think I might have scared him off though by telling him my dd has autism. The other iron is someone I messaged a week or so ago but he has only just got back to me (maybe he was dating someone), we have a lot in comon.

One of my other irons wants to speak to me on the phone later, I don’t really want too, I’m not too bothered if he disappears.

I went out with a non-driver for a number of years, had come from a long family line of men who didn't drive and it used to drive me nuts. Especially if we were on a long journey and he fell asleep!

Springtime excellent news re Mr Captain. Though I love heated seats, they kind of make me feel like I’ve wet myself.....

I’ve got to decide what I can deal with re children. Mr Cure has very young ones, not sure how that would work. Will let you know in a while as off to my date with him now.