Dating Thread 128: the one without a catchy title

[RunsforCake14]

Dating thread rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is you don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. You are the prize - they should be trying to impress you.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread

Kin no sex for 2 years? is she crazy? I don’t believe her at all, I think she’s using you for a free holiday or she has serious issues. I would ditch her as soon as you get back unless you want 2 years with no action.

Trying to catch up, been unwell all week and my irons are slowly dropping away as I can’t meet up. One of my favourite irons lives too far away and I know I will have to stop talking to him, it’s a shame as we have a lot in comon and I find him really atractive, one of my other irons (also quite far away) sent me more photos of himself and I don’t find him atractive at all, I am slowly disappearing. I have had a message on Tinder this morning from a potential iron, I shall call him Mr Teacher. I need to get back on it, kids are back to school Monday so hopefully I can sort out a couple of dates.

Ruby I was mortified for you when I read your smell post last week. I honestly think you need to leave this man alone because that nagging doubt you have will only grow. You've had spot on advice that he was deflecting from his own issues and he chose to do that in a very cruel way. I don't believe that he only realised there was an issue once he was up close and personal.

As for off-putting enthusiasm I promise you that there isn't a man on this earth who would be put off by an enthusiastic woman if he's straight and wants to get naked and get laid. An enthusiastic woman is a very attractive thing indeed.

My biggest concern here is the impact on you by keeping him around. That nagging "he thinks I smell" inner voice will fester and grow all the time you're with him. You haven't been seeing him long. Cut yourself loose and move on.

Kin-ell! 2 years :) Shame she didn't tell you that before an obviously romantic weekend away. Think she has not been fair at all.
At least you can move on now you know the score, sad as you seemed to really like her, but there will be others just as nice.
Love It's often the case that the ones you think you would really click with live a million miles away, that's just life having a laugh at our expense!
I have ended it with Mr Laid back, he wasn't laid back at all more depressed and I don't need that in my life. Looking forward to a new first date on Monday and not off POF at the minute as I can only focus on one at a time. Friends are surprised at the number of dates but its like a needle in a haystack and I eliminate many after a first coffee , their shock makes me feel a bit of a slapper sometimes though! :)

Ignore I’m sure my friends and family think I’m some kind of slapped too, I have been on so many dates but like you say, it’s like finding a needle in a haystack.

Ok this is maybe overthinking but I was chatting to a guy last Friday early evening ( Not yesterday) - conversation going great and then he just disappears in the middle of the conversation - no "I have to go" or anything . I just shrug any shoulders and think Oh well... He then reappears on the Monday during the day asking how my weekend has been . We chat again and he asks me to meet him and I agreed. We chatted but not extensively over the next couple of days - funny and light hearted. I met him on the agreed night and it all went great - again we had such a laugh . He seems like a nice bloke . He's older ( as am I ) and has grown up children . He texted me later to say can we do it again and I agreed. So chatting to him yesterday in the afternoon - bit more flirty this time and still funny. Now - have the feeling I am not going to hear from him over the weekend again ( could be wrong here ) ...what should I be thinking ? O is it just me ? How should I play this ? Of course I may not even hear from him again !

Bloody it sounds like your gut is telling you something there. Can you find a way to check him out online? That said, his behaviour in the next 48 hours may confirm your worries in any case.

Kin that's a nightmare.

Good luck to all those on dates this weekend!

kin sorry to hear Milan didn’t go well - it’s unfair she led you on like that!

pud we’re all waiting with baited breath for architect updates!

Last few nights I’ve been re-living some of the shit I went through with my ex, so struggling a bit there.

Have a date lined up tonight but not sure how I feel about him/not sure I’m in the mood. And then a couple of irons asking if I’m free - the logistics are pretty tricky!

Anyway, I’m not the skinniest and worry when I meet people will be put off - I have a full length pic on my profile but it’s from a distance so not sure how clear that is to the potential irons. It’s really worrying me know for upcoming dates. Anyone else feel like this? Sorry for ramble!!

Bloody That would frustrate me and I would have to ask what was going on? Leaving mid-conversation seems very rude and I would probably not want to meet them after that.
If he has a good reason (family stuff/ work, fair enough but you can still say bye surely? Very odd.

Ruby - I've had a couple of relationships where they had a problem - they never blamed me and there is always more than one way to skin a cat. Agree he needs binning - not nice at all - don't let him dent your confidence (easier said than done I know)

popple I really wouldn't worry, everyone has their insecurities (I'm athletic and used to worry about not being curvy enough) If they are the right person then a few extra pounds will be neither here nor there, it will be about the personality/ chemistry. I prefer people with a few extra pounds and a lot of men do to so just go and have fun.

Bloody my gut would be telling me he's married. All chat during the week while at work but family time at weekends.

Maybe I am overthinking - after all it has only been one date and I don't know his life at all . I am just so suspicious as was badly burnt recently. I imagine he is also trying out other dates too .

ignoring I did reference the fact that he just disappeared but in a jokey way so I did not let it just pass. He claims he is an honest bloke but then they all do..

Can't find him on FB as yet . I will continue to be vigilant if /when he gets back in contact .

chocolate would a married guy have his photos up there on a dating profile ? (Or am I naive ? )

Might not be his photo's?
Ok I have watched too many 'Catfish' episodes :)
Could be nothing at all, hard to call until you know him better and maybe some of us (me) are becoming too cynical after a few online dates!

Good Morning Guys - just been checking up in all you developments!

[Ruby] you definitely need to block and move on, it’s not you and the longer you keep him around the more you are going to doubt yourself. He’s obviously got issues of his own. I think I would have to say ‘I’ve never been told that before and I have asked a couple of friends who say I don’t have and odour so I think the problem is yours’. I am fast developing a thick skin though

[Kin] two years!!! I do not believe any one waits two years to have sex low sex drive or not! I really feel likes she’s leading you on stringing it out as long as possible. I hope if nothing else it’s the catalyst needed to help you move on. Now go enjoy Milan and make the most of the culture the best you can

[Pudding] I am on tenterhooks wanting to know if Mr Architect has replied! I so want this to work out for you!

So this will be my final post on Mr TC unless it goes tits up then I'll be weeping all over the thread saying you told me so.

Thank you everyone for all of your thoughts and to the lurkers who delurked to add more colour. All I can say is I do hear you and I'm not ignoring you I'm just making a deeply thought through choice based on the 3D technicolor man I see rather than the 1D black and white man that's portrayed on here.

I guarantee I've taken no blame and the notion that I'd do that would have my friends spluttering their wine back into their glasses. For those who think that getting the card would have been 'proof' I was laughing when I said to him: "please tell me you didn't actually put your face on a card" and he looked genuinely hurt and said he thought I'd like it but he hadn't been able to sort it out due to the upset of that week.

He put in a huge amount of effort and 'show and tell' to claw back our togetherness and he could have just walked away as we'd said it was over. I chose to listen because, well, it's our first blip but it really showed that we're an amazing team when it comes to putting things right. It showed that we can talk about difficult topics thoughtfully, tenderly, with searing honesty but without barbs, spite and anger. It showed that we have something together that neither of us has ever experienced before and the potential for what this could become is, well, in the new word of the thread "wowzer" .

in terms of how we've become a couple (yes, we're a couple and in a relationship) he said he'd heard me loud and clear that night in the bar when I said I didn't want no strings but wanted to see where things could go on an exclusive basis. He said if I'd been heavier on the early days messaging in terms of number of texts and content he'd probably have walked away but then he realised he was falling in love with me. We've only had one blip which we really did come through together and we learned a lot about the other in doing so. History tells me we'll have tougher challenges to overcome at some point down the line so I know we're well-equipped to deal with them.

POF delivered and I'm in love with a handsome, funny, intelligent, sex god of a human. Oh and he actually lives in a house where I stayed. A proper house made from bricks. Not a fucking boat, yurt, friend's sofa, flat share or the spare room at Mum and Dad's. yes I really did date a man who lived in a yurt

ignoring it is his photos on the site. I have met him once. They match :-) but yes I am on alert now for some reason ...

Ruby I really feel for you, but I am certain you don’t smell! If you’re clean and your clothes are clean, which I know is the case, then any smell will be a natural and attractive one to a (normal) man. There are some medical conditions that can cause a smell like bacterial vaginosis (BV, very common and easily treated with stuff from pharmacy) and much more rarely trimethylaminuria which is genetic and you get symptoms of strong odour from birth. You would though know if you had either of those as you’d smell it yourself. Normal excited woman smell is pretty irresistible to straight men! I had a friend who sold her used underwear online and she assured me that the more ‘worn’ it was, the more they loved it! I hope that you can stop worrying about this, who knows why he said it but I’m convinced it was his issue not yours.

popple I’m a size 16, like you I was worried at first as although I do have a full-length picture it’s one of me standing up in quite a flattering pose. But my success/people fancying me rate is absolutely no different to when I was a size 10 I’ve found, possibly because I’m a lot more confident now. But honestly a lot of men do really fancy curvy women!

kin I was expecting her to have a good reason, if I’m completely honest, but this ‘two year’ thing is just bizarre, and if it’s true she should have discussed it with you before now. I think you should get rid.

pudding I think the tone of your text was just right, not blatant but definitely inviting. And you’re right, the ball is in his court now. I hope he replies!

Kin - I've been following this and hoping for a better thing to wake up to 😑😔 just make the very most of visiting a beautiful city & try and enjoy it.

Mystic - I would definately meet someone on neutral territory. This flies in the face of my recent arrangement but we had talked on the phone a lot & done video calling before hand so it felt ok for me to go and visit him. He gave me his address, where he worked etc and told me to tell my friends where I was. It turned out good for my but in hindsight it was a pretty dangerous thing to do. I'm not sure I'd do it again. For someone you've just got chatting to defo meet in a coffee shop somewhere to scope them out 😊 hope that helps.

Have any of you lot heard of Matthew Hussey? I've been watching his YouTube videos this morning and now I need to get his book. His advice is great.

Bloodyuseless I'm in the "he's attached, married or too busy fishing with mates at the weekend" camp. I don't mind a busy weekend but I do mind a mystery disappearance all weekend.

Popple I have exactly the same issue! I even (and I know I shouldn’t) tell them I’m not a skinny girl in my messages and ask if they’ve looked at my full length photo as well as the others.

The thought of there face falling in disappointment when they first see me is crippling but everyone I have brought it up has been totally lovely about it. I think it’s our own issues not theirs

Bloody - some perspective from the other side - I'm probably more like him. I'm not big on lots of messaging in general, and definitely not before a first date. I get bored/run out of energy very quickly/refuse to give strangers from the internet too much of my time and attention until I know they're worth it.

I'm absolutely the kind of person who if I feel like the conversation has reached a natural stopping point will leave it for a couple of hours or days. Not because I'm married or have kids, but just because my life is generally quite busy and I have a lot going on (and there are days when I literally do not have time to look at my phone). People who know me in real life all know this about me and are used to it, but any prospective iron who expected me to be in regular contact on a daily basis would be sorely disappointed.

But this is also why I try to meet in person as soon as possible so I can either bin them and move on or see if they are worth a bit more effort.

I'm a size 14 these days, 12 in Lycra! I used to be a sporty and toned 10. I've had way more compliments on my body as a squidgy 14 than a toned 10 and men seem to love grabbing a handful of comforting thigh. I was really nervous about unleashing the curvy me on men but the consistently positive reaction saw my confidence on that score rocket.

Kin two years?!! I think she has been very disingenuous to not tell you this before now. I met up with someone recently who told me that he and his ex hadn't had sex until they'd been together for FOUR YEARS! And he'd been in his 20s! The reason was that she was religious (dunno what changed after 4 years) but still, he went along with it. He didn't come across as the most dynamic person in other ways so I turned down a second date. I'm sorry though, that sucks, and I hope you can salvage something of the weekend for yourself.

Ruby you need to ditch that bloke. He's not a kind or nice person. Barring medical issues if you are a clean person who wears clean clothes then you don't smell. He has issues which he's deflecting on to you, in a particularly nasty and self-esteem crushing way.

Vixen MH talks a lot of sense. I've watched a few of his videos and they are good.

Bloody I would message Mr Weekend Disappearing Act today and base my decision on whether or not he replies. If not then I would tell him that I'm not after a Monday - Friday relationship where I get ignored all weekend

In terms of size, I think if your photos are clear and up to date then there's nothing to worry about as they know what size you are and obviously find you attractive. Different people have preferences for very different body shapes and sizes; I'm an athletic size 8 and I tend to attract and go for men who are also very active and sporty. I'm never going to be attractive to a man who likes tiny women (I'm 5'7) or hourglass figures/big boobs etc. etc. It's horses for courses.