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Original poster

Dating Thread 128: the one without a catchy title

999 replies

RunsforCake14 · 11/02/2018 11:15

Dating thread rules:

  1. The first rule about the dating thread is you don't talk about it with people you're dating.
  2. Develop a thick skin.
  3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
  4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
  5. Trust your gut instinct.
  6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
  7. You are the prize - they should be trying to impress you.
  8. If it's not fun, stop.
  9. Loo update is mandatory.
10. No dating the thread
OP posts:
pudding21 · 16/02/2018 21:19

Peaceful Enjoy! He sounds super self assured, don't cuddle too much! Or do and enjoy that flood of hormones.

I am pleased so many of you are overinvested in Mr Architect. I still have this nagging doubt he is just being "nice". I am so out of practice with this shit. Relationship of 21 years, one night stand with my personal trainer who I am still friends with and he is a wonderful person and FWB. FWB was so cool and confident (and I knew him, friends who knew him etc) so he felt safe. I don't think i am cut out for online dating it gives me the fear ;)

I am so tempted to text him now about the voice thing, but am sitting on my hands. Even just a snog from him would be enough to be honest. I am not thinking long term with him, although he has all the longer term potential (he ticks a lot of boxes). Just a snog and a bit of grinding. That'll do. Blush

pudding21 · 16/02/2018 22:44

I sent a slightly suggestive text to the architect. I think it was subtle enough.......I want to turn my phone off now and go to bed!

ignoringthechoc · 16/02/2018 22:50

Well I was going to go to bed pudding, but now tempted to give it a while to see if he replies!
Glad people are having fun, peaceful more than most ;)
Hope Kin is getting on well.
I'm chatting to the cousin (not mine, FB's cousin) and he seems nice :)

MysticFlyTrap · 16/02/2018 22:52

Safe dating, where do you guys meet for first meeting? Somewhere public or is your home a no go? x

pudding21 · 16/02/2018 22:53

ignoringthechoc Go to bed, I am switching my phone off and putting it in the kitchen cupboard and going to read my book (Called "the subtle art of not giving a f**k) and not going to check untill after 8am in the morning. I promise....:)

esk1mo · 16/02/2018 22:53

saying what pudding ?!

ive just had a message on tinder from a hot medical student telling me im amazing..shame he is 400 miles away!

pudding21 · 16/02/2018 22:58

Ooof, if I say thats open to judgement and you might all day "whaaaat!"....

Ok then.

I said I hope his meeting went well and his voice was nicely warmed up. Any time he needed to to call me, as I thought his voice was soothing".

I might just go vomit now.

Plentyoffishnets · 16/02/2018 23:00

mystic I've mostly met in pubs or cafes for first dates.
I would definitely not go to someone house for a first date and would not have someone to mine in case they turned into a weirdo/stalker and then knew my address.

ignoringthechoc · 16/02/2018 23:02

That's a lovely message, I was thinking you were offering to warm him up in other ways but then I remembered you are much more refined than me :)
Going to bed now, but will be checking for an update tomorrow!
x (that's for you cover you grumpy mare :)

ignoringthechoc · 16/02/2018 23:03

Mystic def not house for first date, pub or café for me always

Bant · 16/02/2018 23:04

mystic - its generally agreed that having a stranger round to your house for a first date is a bad idea. First meetings should be at a neutral, public place, where you can decide whether you actually want to meet them for a proper date.

People will look different to how you'd imagined them, they may be rude, smelly, unpleasant. They may also be charming, funny, erudite, sexy and make your ovaries leap in excitement.

But it's best to work that out when they're not at your front door, or sitting on your sofa and you have to politely ask them to leave.

If anyone insists on meeting at yours or theirs for a first date, bin them off as they're either lazy, cheap, or a potential predator.

MysticFlyTrap · 16/02/2018 23:16

Thanks girls have a bloke of pof who ive been chatting with for a week or so who has suggested coming to see me at my home. Thought it sounded like a bad idea, will shedule for somewhere else instead x

Kinunir · 17/02/2018 06:57

Total disaster of a weekend away here, hope you’re all doing a lot, lot better than I am!!!

Rubypanda · 17/02/2018 07:13

Ah, that's not good kin - I've been invested in your tale.

If you read the thread, you might remember I was told last week, just as we were about to get intimate, that I smelt 😶

Still reeling from that. Have been seeing the guy, probably against my better judgement and advice on here, which was unanimous as he texted me a few times and, apart from that issue, he's a nice guy. He seems to want to carry on being friends, we share the odd kiss but I don't honestly thinks he's a sexual person at all, and I was wondering the same about your lady.

Maybe she just wants company and friendship, and is stringing you along with the hope of something more but doesn't actually intend to go through with it.

I am fit to burst too, but know I am not a NSA/FB/FEB person; I get too attached after sex.

But I'm also paranoid I smell so no one will want to go near me in that way at all anyway. I know I don't really, but that seed of doubt has been planted now.

So what went wrong this weekend, if you don't mind the question?

ignoringthechoc · 17/02/2018 07:15

Oh no Kin gutted for you :(
Can you salvage something ad go sightseeing maybe. Is it because she is ill or its just not working?
Hope you are ok.

Rubypanda · 17/02/2018 07:15

*FWB - not a FEB person.

Although I am fed up with February weather, so maybe that's not so far from the truth!

ignoringthechoc · 17/02/2018 07:25

I know it's easy for me to say Ruby but try and forget that comment, and that man. You would have been aware if there was an issue, previous partners have obviously never had an issue.
I thought when you said it he was deflecting (in a very cruel way) from his own issues (poss erectile ones?)
I hope you can get past it and not let it affect future encounters.
I am also fed up with the weather, roll on spring.

ValMc1 · 17/02/2018 07:27

Oh Kin was hoping not to hear from you (in the nicest possible way) as you were having such a wonderful time in a beautiful city Shock

dancemom · 17/02/2018 07:37

Kin I woke up and checked this thread straight away hoping to hear good news... at least now you can say you gave things as many chances as you could.

Kinunir · 17/02/2018 07:41

Ruby last night she told me she’s never slept with someone she hasn’t been dating for at least 2 years. I’m not strong enough to hold out for that long Shock

Original poster
RunsforCake14 · 17/02/2018 07:48

kin somehow I don't believe that. It sounds like an excuse. And if it was anyway true then she should've been more honest earlier when you tried to discuss it with her.

OP posts:
pudding21 · 17/02/2018 07:55

Morning!

kin sorry the weekend didn't go as planned, I think you know what to do..... perhaps you can remain friends but atleast you know where you stand.

Nothing to report her, the gorgeous one hasn't replied yet. Got a super busy day today, so not going to stress. Ive put it out there without too much shame, now I wait. I'm not Chasing. Have a good day!

Rubypanda · 17/02/2018 08:02

2 years?!? Anyone who hasn't slept with someone they've been dating for 2 years clearly has an incredibly low sex drive and IF it's true, then I think she's been very dishonest by not letting you know earlier.

How frustrating and disappointing for you. Honestly, to have planned a weekend like that for her, then to be told that... Words fail me. I felt like I was hit by a bus last weekend when I was told my smell was the reason we couldn't get intimate, I imagine you must feel similar.

And thank you, ignore, I do know that deep down. I've not slept with that many people, but they've all been enthusiastic about me. It's just that nagging 0.01% that thinks what if... Then I feel all mortified because I actually think it was my enthusiasm that turned him off. I've not been with someone for about 4 months and I NEED it! So your lady with her 2 years isn't s sexual person kin, or she'd be leaping at the chance of a romantic break in Milan, not telling you it wasn't going to happen for the next 12+ months.

BeenThereDating · 17/02/2018 08:03

Kin I'm so sorry. You've had the patience of a saint and in your shoes I'd feel very mislead. I think she friend-zoned you a long time ago but has enjoyed the attention (and treats) so has stuck in there. I'd say this doesn't really show her in a good light and I can't help thinking that on day 729 of your enforced abstinence she'd find another reason to move the goal posts. At least you know now which is sometimes half the battle in terms of being able to move on.

ValMc1 · 17/02/2018 08:07

Kin - I doubt that too unless she is a no sex without engagement/marriage person because of religious beliefs or similar - either way she should have been upfront from the beginning before you got involved. Enjoy the weekend as much as you can - not the outcome we were all hoping for. I do think it was bad of her to allow you to book this weekend - and another one I seem to remember - without being open with you. At least you know where you stand now.