Dating Thread 128: the one without a catchy title

[RunsforCake14]

Dating thread rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is you don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. You are the prize - they should be trying to impress you.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread

Can i join you all.

I only got out of a relationship a week or so ago with a cheat, but he made me feel so rubbish I decided online dating would be a fun way to move forward with my life and have some fun (satisfy my libido).

I'm talking to lots of men, 2 that I actually like enough to meet. However, I'm already in over my head.

Mr eco - met him for a coffee the other day. Hes lovely and handsome, but i didnt feel a spark. I've been very upfront and said I'm not ready for a relationship and just want friendships, but he's smitten. He keeps telling me he really likes me and will wait until I'm ready for a relationship

Mr Yacht - I can't tell if he's a bit of a player as he keeps going hot and cold. We had a great chat and he asked for my number. He text me the next day, then radio silence for a few days. I thought he'd lost interest, but then he started texting again and said he really wants to meet me. We arranged a date for next week and now he's stopped texting again.

Im so confused? I have one guy texting me 20 times a day and the other sending me limited amounts of texts, but making it clear he's interested when he does text. What is a normal amount of texting in the online dating world?

Kin - could she have an std or body hang up she's too embarrassed to tell you about?

So true - thanks guys for your thoughts!

I’m normally fine and then this morning I had a mini-panic, maybe cos one guy is super toned and I’m scared he’s a complete catfish.

I’ll see how I go on these dates and if I get confused looks then maybe I’ll have to put some better photos up!

peaceful loved your RAF story btw - that’s the dream!

Popple when I’m with him, it’s been three times now in the space of six months if you include last night it’s like I’ve stepped into another world. The excitement and lack of control is a out of this world.

However, I am a realist and while it’s lovely to pretend for those evenings it’s never going to be a reality for many reasons. He doesn’t want a relationship, the age gap and I think if it was a permanent or regular arrangement it would get stale fast. It’s nice to have his number and be able to text him if I need a distraction but it’s not what I would like long-term.

I don’t even know if what I’m searching for even exists anymore - I’m becoming jaded! If you’d of told me six months ago I’d be sleeping with a man ten years my junior just to get my kicks I would of laughed. It’s not something I ever thought I’d be capable of either, life leads you down these paths though

Custard welcome! There is no normal when it comes to texting. I've come to the opinion that you need to naturally match with texting frequency as one person's 'loving attention' is another person's 'suffocation' and one person's 'a bit busy and preoccupied' is another person's 'neglect'.

Here's my take on your irons:

Mr Eco - he's in wooing mode. He doesn't know you and I'll stake money on the fact that once he's shagged you his relationship fire will dampen significantly.

Mr Yacht - probably multi-dating (fair enough) and has enough interest in you to keep you simmering gently on the back burner while he checks out his irons. He could well disappear when he's chatting to a new iron or he's just cracking on with life and is realistic about dating.

So.... four weeks of messing and three dates in. I am going I Mr smileys house tomorrow 😯 is it acceptable to stop over ? I am SOOO nervous.. we have only had one kiss lol and I really want a cuddle and the physical connection is so important, need to test that out. HELP

Messaging !!! Not messing lol

Just a quick update to tell you there is still no update. Trying not to feel stupid and just getting on with the day ;)

Trying not to overthink that perhaps he's regretting taking on work with the crazy divorced lady! Rest assured you'll be the first to know if he replies!

Ruby I will join the chorus that says you need to ditch him. He's stopping you finding someone better.

Bloody I'm guilty of leaving text conversations without saying goodbye especially if it's a random person I've not met because I don't want to spend all evening texting and trying to find something interesting to say. However I wouldn't leave it all weekend. Something isn't right there.

I've just been for a long walk to clear my head and I'm still struggling. I've been 2 months no contact with the guy I was seeing most of last year. Then today he's contacted me to pass on some information that should've been sent directly to me. When we split up he was adamant he wanted to stay friends and we kept in contact for a few weeks. But then he changed his mind.
When I saw the message a little bit of hope crept in that he wanted to see me again. But the message was very blunt, basically 'this should've been sent to you'. No hello, how are you or anything. I'm supposed to be going to a Meetup tonight but I just want to hide under my duvet and cry.

Oh Runs I had a very similar situation last year with recent ex which led to me pulling out of a Meetup lunch. I know how it makes you reel.

Peaceful glad you had a good night

custard welcome!

lost you’ll be fine! It’s not too soon, you’ve been getting on well, just go and enjoy your evening. Have a glass of wine to relax and see how you feel! If you’re nervous, just tell him so. He probably is too...

pudding well you’ve put it out there, I think that’s a nice and not OTT but still flirty message so if he hasn’t responded at all I’d say just leave it for now. He’ll know you are interested, if he feels the same and wants to do anything It the balls in his court now

kin what everyone else said! I’m a bit on your behalf because she’s neither been fair or honest really. Am wondering why didn’t she tell you this information before Milan? You know, when you had that chat the other night. Or maybe when you had the sleep over previously and the excuse was different I’m sorry for you, it’s not on and very hurtful. Hope you’re ok

So I had my second date last night with MrSouthAfrican it was the dinner date. We had a nice night, he’s good company and such a great guy. Kind, thoughtful, respectful, polite, etc etc. Just perfect expect however much I wanted to I just didn’t fancy the man
I really wanted to feel a spark with him but literally he kept touching my leg or hand and it was making me cringe. He was very tactile and I felt really uncomfortable. This is not like me, I’m usually one for hand holding and kissing etc but it felt odd and unnatural. Gah I’m feeling really horrible abeout sending that message today saying thanks but no thanks. I really hate this bit! It wouldn’t be so bad if he wasn’t so nice I feel like he’s going to be really disappointed and it’s not like I can say anything other than I don’t fancy you (dressed up as no spark/chemistry) because we got on great and had loads in common. Fuckety fuck, I don’t wanna!!! #hidesunderduvet

anitt thanks for that , beenthere ditto

vetoncall I did and he replied and we have had a chat . Says he will message later . Let's see.

"is it acceptable to stop over ?"

Of course it is Lost, if you want to!

Had the funniest morning with MrF, who I guess is now a more visible part of my life after my dad turned up while we were still in bed (he assumed I was in the shower or something as it was 10am & he's used to just coming round the back & letting himself in if I don't answer the door).

MrF just hid in my room while I went and found my dad's spare house key as he's lost his somewhere at the shops. Luckily at 84 little phases my dad & he just took the key & went on his way . . .

Then DD turned up 2 hours earlier than expected having got a lift rather than taking the bus (thank heavens we were dressed by that point is all I can say). The joys of dating as a 48 year old . . .

kin two years!!!! My gosh! Talk about leading you up the garden path, that's crazy. Unless she is deeply religious, no sex before marriage etc i just don't get it. I would bin her off.

ruby he sounds very cruel and mean, offloading his own insecurities on you, no doubt. I would too break away from this sort of narcisscist, because everytime you see him your confidence will take a nose dive.

I'm not sure what to think of POF at the moment or what i'm really after in all honesty. Chatting to the same man but getting sick of his one word answers and the begging for me to go on Kik messenger. Why can he not just talk to me on pof

Mystic he wants to send you a VERY special photo in the hope you'll reciprocate. P,us KIK can be totally anonymous and doesn't show your name or mobile number.

Thought as much beenthere thinking my profile needs reshaping, maybe i am giving out the wrong impression. Tbh i enjoy the chat and i like to be secretive to in not showing completely who i am until a date. Got a real pic of me on there but i don't give out my real name or starsign because not too sure who i'm really talking to myself. Think i may join a paid for site in hope of reeling in some decent men from the ones who are plain seedy x

Mystic sorry to burst your bubble but the paid sites are no better really and the same faces often appear. It also depends on where you are as to which of the paid sites actually have enough people on there to be worth your while. The most important thing is your ability to filter, apply standards early and stick to them. Use the filters on POF re length of first message, education etc etc and then start to spot the lazy men who say "hi sexi" and have no written profile. Your own twat radar is the most important thing irrespective of the type of site you're on. I've often gone on paid sites for a change of scenery but I liked POF. The hook up guys are everywhere though.

A lot of people on here like Tinder (free) but it's not for me as I like a profile. Some like Match some like Guardian Soulmates. It really is horses for courses.

mystic if you pay for tinder plus (even for one month) you can choose to only be visible to people you’ve already liked. thats what i do, because i know a lot of people on tinder and i cant be bothered with them mentioning they saw me on there!

so MrForeign replied last night 🙄 choosing a rubbish film that i dont think i could sit through. AIBU to say “what about X film instead?” or “i was hoping you’d choose X!”

do i even reply..

I need to read back properly (again! I’m rubbish) but just thought I’d share that I’ve now got 2 dates tomorrow
And my friend gotme drunk and made me wink at the bloke I know (note my skilful avoidance of all responsibility) but not here owt so gah.
But I’m talking to 8 irons now. I’m at capacity.

Mystic I'm currently paying for Match. I got a half price deal. I see a lot of the same faces on there that are also on POF and Tinder. POF has better filters than Match. On Match anyone, anywhere can message or wink unless I block them. Traffic is slower as well. But profiles are generally better.
I looked at eHarmony - again very poor filters and only gave me 3 matches. Elite singles was even worse. And both are expensive
Since January I've had 2 dates from Match, one from POF and one from Tinder. And not a single match on Bumble.
Depends on your age, at 50 I'm finding my choices are very limited.

Heard not here. Effing autocorrect

runs 50 here too.. the choices are dire in my area. Oh my goodness women age so much better

Nope. It's just that men don't wear makeup

Don’t even need to worry if I look fat or not...my Saturday night date cancelled, says he’s ill. But I had to ask him earlier if it was still on before he let me know. Now I don’t know whether just to stay in or line something else up!

Thanks girls, i guess i will just stay on pof and make my profile more clear about what i want in hope i don't get anymore suggestive messages. Don't want to be paying for something if it's the same types of men i'm already getting ha ha. Got offered to watch someone w**k for £20 yesterdaysome right ones in my area lol.

They are all mad I'm convinced. Was chatting to a guy for a few days very nice spoke on phone etc.. all going well supposed to meet tonight. Got a text yesterday morning when he was in bed that he was thinking of me and would love me beside him. I pulled him up saying I'm not going to hop into bed straight away etc... guess what no message since