Dating Thread 128: the one without a catchy title

[RunsforCake14]

Dating thread rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is you don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. You are the prize - they should be trying to impress you.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread

Kin Flirty is good! Is that the first time? A cold can't be faked - perhaps that's why she was feeling tired?

Pudding IMO, I think Mr A is being employed by you and would not feel professional making a move on you in those circs. I definitely think he likes you. I think, if you can wait (bloody tough, I know!!), then I would, cos then you get your building work done AND a lot of sexual tension by the end of it. Win win and don't forget Rule No 7.

Runs when I did speed dating I didn't find anything out about ages until afterwards. You can sign in to a website which tells you who liked you and it comes up with some personal info like a dating profile.

But in my experience I found that speed dating was mostly a strange bloke's chance to force a woman to spend 3 minutes talking to him. Not every bloke, but the vast majority. I'm sure some of the women were like that too, of course. It did not prove successful for me!

Ginny: thanks, I would love to say I would wait till the end of the building work, maybe I wait until he delivers all the plans? Compromise? I will explode if I wait til the summer!

In the meantime, youtube just showed me this and basically, this is what I am looking for (hahahhahaha). And Mr Architect, looks a little bit like him.

Runs - i've been speed dating a couple of times and didn't know anything about the dates unless there was a match. I did get matches both times. I quite liked it, I'd go again. I think some guys are there for the captive audience element, but it's no different to OLD in that there are all sorts of people with different reasons for wanting to meet someone.
Kin - sounded positive last night - flirty is good, but with a hint of lowering your expectations today - she could hopefully be feeling much better by the weekend tho'
Pudding - can you be a bit more direct with phone sex guy so your meaning can't be mistaken..if he doesn't get it then, it'd be time to block

Can I have your advice? I've got a 3rd date on Saturday with Mr America. Presently it's unconfirmed, just both saying that's a good date. It's communication that's an issue for me. We haven't swapped numbers so it's all still on OLD, I last messaged him a week ago and he's not answered yet. He never messages first - will always reply to first message but rarely to follow up messages. In person I really like this guy, he's lovely, but I'm feeling a wee bit incidental, or on the back burner. Do you think I should sit on my hands and not message him to see if Saturday is still on and make a back up plan instead?

sparkly definitely make some back up plans. the ball is in his court, he knows he hasnt got your number so has to message via OLD. he might message on friday.

my current iron is similar. we could make plans 7 days in advance and he won’t confirm the day before, he will just assume its still on!

Runs regarding speed dating, you might find out the age of a match after the event or not at all, depending on the company. The ones I've been to I have never known anything about them before chatting.

Thanks for all the replies abut speed dating. I like the idea of meeting and chatting to people without any preconceived ideas of age/occupation etc. I just feel OLD isn't working for me because of my age.
The men I've met, who are my age, just seem so old that I've felt like I've been talking to my dad. Or they're just interested in younger women. And the younger men aren't interested in me.

Hello again all... been a little while since I posted because not much been going on, but I've been following all your stories and over-invested in them all!! All though I do have an iron now...
Kin I hope it all works out for you. Not sure what to say that others haven't but good luck. Must be frustrating - in more ways than one!
Pudding Yes, it's hard when there's a professional relationship going on... I'd probably wait until you at least have your plans then suggest another date. Meantime, be mildly flirty when you see him. I mean, he came to yours for dinner already, right? No guy is going to do that if he's not interested surely?
St I feel your pain getting over that headfuck. He's playing horrid games with you. I had this last summer/autumn and am still not over it tbh. He got in touch again over xmas after trashing my summer with head games - he just said 'merry xmas' in messenger. I didn't show it as read or reply. I knew where it would lead... similar to what you've experienced and open up new wounds. I'd block and try to forget him all over again if I were you. The 'missing you' is a classic line! I had that loads while he was trying to hook other women too. He sounds pretty vile imo. Sorry you've gone through this.
My new iron... well, I've not dated much since my headfuck guy as I feel no one will 'live up' (which is stupid as while he was hot in every way, he was a nasty piece of work, looking back). But I did date a much younger guy before xmas to help forget, and it worked a bit. But his English is poor so getting to know him was hard. I met with one other guy for coffee - pleasant but no attraction for me. Anyway, this new iron is from OLD. 7 years younger than me (I seem to attract the younger ones!) and we quickly moved onto whatsapp yesterday. Fine by me. Chatted loads yesterday and last night... he sent me a nice face pic of himself. He seems intelligent and then boom! I get a full frontal naked shot. I didn't ask for it! He sent me a flirty 'morning' message today. We're meant to be chatting on the phone tonight and I still will because, ahem, he's actually pretty hot! And he says he wants to find a decent woman/relationship etc. He lives an hour away though. Older kids like mine. But really... why oh why the dick pic out of the blue...

Val intentions expressed and not completely rebuffed but the cold thing... I hope I’m not being strung along as still going with her now

Ginny flirty is not common with this one - I’m still struggling to figure if that’s embarrassment or she’s just old school...

Sparkly my expectations are currently at rock bottom

Miss you’re not wrong - will actively seek out a ONS (a first for me) when I get back if nothing happens - I’m ready to explode!!!

Thanks MissCatt sorry you’ve been messed around by someone similar. I’d love to say I feel like I can put Mr A behind me now but it’s going to take some effort not to see him again. I’ve not been anywhere near as attracted to anyone else since.

As for the unasked for nude shot from your iron... personally, that would ruin it for me because I’d be wondering how many other woman he barely knows have been sent similar. I would feel it was disrespectful personally as well. I hope he treats you respectfully from now on.

Kin yeah don't blame you! I think I'd do the same. Sounds like this weekend is going to be a make or break for you. What more can you do? You've been very patient, are now giving her a fab weekend away... if she doesn't want sex, she should just say, not string you along! Do you mind me asking if you sleep in the same room/bed? Sorry if that's too personal... but there's old school and old school! If I'd been seeing a guy for this long and shared his bed, it would mean I'd want to have sex. The passion would naturally take over. If she has no intention of that, she should ask for separate rooms. Or a twin room. I'm totally baffled for you! It's not as though you've just met!!

St well you managed to mostly put him behind you before, right? Sounds like it's the most healthy thing for you to do that again. These types love to keep themselves in our thoughts, topping up our anxiety over them. They do it to make themselves feel good/wanted, not us. But I don't know enough about your story with him... just that what I read sounds an awful lot like my headfuck guy. I know what you mean about not feeling as attracted to anyone else though...

And yes exactly! New iron, Mr Property, claimed he'd just taken the photo there and then and sent it to me on a whim but it's no doubt one of many from a library of similar he keeps on his phone and fires off to multiple women. I shall give him the phone call chance later and see how he sounds. If he's a numpty, I can't be bothered. I'm done with idiot types. This was exactly how my relationshit with Mr Headfuck began. Lovebombing and dick pics. Then he won me over and the rest is painful history.

Kin - I truly hope you are not being strung along as well - I adore Italy, and hope it is a great romantic break for you. The situation does blow my mind though.

So I ended up having a phone call from MrBytheSea last night which lasted THREE HOURS. We had a good talk about EVERYTHING and now just going to see where it goes from here with no added pressure. I'm not ready for a full blown relationship or commitment, neither can he offer that but what is pretty clear is that there is definately something there. He's been really hurt in the past and scared of being hurt again. But agreed we get on so well, nothing is forced and we just decided to see where things head.

I feel glad I've laid all the cards out on the table and it wasn't outright rejection. I told him he has to be a bit more honest with himself how he feels deep down.... hope he takes that on board.

X

OLD is such mine field. You definitely need a thick skin and not take things personally. I matched on tinder with a really funny guy great chats between us but he's two hours away is it worth it to keep going or do you think too far away

MissCatt We've slept in the same bed once but nothing happened. I think the same way as you, hence why I am confused - she calls me multiple times a day, every day and texts all the time and suggests she's romantically interested, only she has never actually shown it.

Chocolate I'd say 2 hours is too far - you'd live with it in the short term while everything is new, but longer term...?

MissCatt Yes he came for dinner and was here hours, we drank wine, had a nice meal. Seemed like he might make a move but didn't. I have just seen on his Facebook he is going to an event not here tomorrow, so i won't ask him for dinner this week. I know I have to be patient. Ufffff.

On Saturday when he was here at my house going over some stuff for the project, he mentioned again he didn't have a girlfriend, that he works a lot of hours etc. He still hasn't replied to my message but I was more giving him information than asking a question. I will no doubt hear from him in the next few days as he has the plans for me to go over.

I am still chatting to a few more from tinder, nice chats, seem like nice guys, so will try to be cool and not get too overwhelmed. I am using it as a distraction, which probably isn't the right thing, while waiting for Mr Architect!

Instead of phone guy on Friday, I'm going to go out with friends I think. And only meet any of the irons if I am really feeling it.

Surely it has to be time for a frank chat, Kin. All sorts of possibilities - she could be asexual/very low sex drive, could have had bad experiences in the past, who knows, but realistically if she's not going to talk about it how can you develop a relationship (or even decide whether you want to!).

Frankly I think by late 40s/early 50s (I think that's what you both are?) I'd expect someone to be old enough and have kicked around the world enough to be able to have an honest conversation about sex. If they can't, I'm not sure I could deal with that long term regardless of anything else.

Kin Hmm I feel your agony! I simply don't get it. And there's a big difference between her 'showing' and 'telling'. Talk is cheap, basically! Who was it who said further up the thread 'piss or get off the pot'? Well, that! I reckon have a bit of a chat with her about it if you can this weekend, if you can. It's tricky though... I'd hate to think she's stringing you along for all your kind treatment of her. I briefly dated a guy a while back who was okay and I sort of liked. We had a few dates and kissed each time but he just wasn't making a further move... so I asked him about it (I'd tried to take the lead but he kind of moved away!) and he told me he thought he was asexual. He said he wanted a relationship with me but didn't want sex. He also said I couldn't have sex with anyone else either!! Errr... no thanks, mate! But at least I found out after a few dates.
Choc two hours would be too far for me. I agree, it's fine in the early exciting part but then might become a drag... unless you're crazy about each other.
Pudding so he wanted you to know he didn't have a girlfriend. That's a good sign! Does he know you don't have a boyfriend? Can you let him know? Actually, I think you're right having a bit of distraction while waiting for Mr Architect. He probably knows he's driving you crazy haha and likes the tension. Men like to chase (don't they?!) and he's maybe enjoying it. Or he could be oblivious to your lovesickness haha. It's such a fine line to tread. I'd say go flirty mad but he's working with you and if it backfires, it could be soo awkward!

MissCatt he knows my situation, yes. He is local and we have mutual friends. In fact one of his friends was my ex FWB and he knew about us. I don't know if that is a good thing or a bad thing. He is quite open minded but also quite a serious guy. He isn't your typical local surfer. Where I live is quite small, and everyone knows everyone, via someone.

Not many people knew about my FWB as we were very discreet, but FWB told him. He told FWB he thought I was beautiful. And when I saw him in the past he always stared.

When we had dinner I was telling him about my work, and we had already had that conversation 18 months earlier, but I was in a relationship then and I didn't remember........He thought it was funny I didn't remember, so from being totally off my radar (even though he always was looking, I didnt acknowledge his presence until recently). Its like he has suddenly got hot, which is not the case. Hahahahaha!

I just need to get him drunk. LOL!

I know that 2 hours is too far heart ruling the head as always.... thanks for putting me straight.... off I go again to the world of swiping

Vixen Great communication and well sorted out!

Kins A counsellor told me about the secure base which is what I lost when my ExH went off with someone else. Well you are a very secure base for her at present. She maybe likes that which is a great part of a committed relationship but has issues with the sex which is a another normal component of a relationship. Hope you can sort it out this weekend. And still enjoy it.

Pudding I think he probably finds it hard in the midst of a professional relationship where other friends and your mother are involved. To me he is giving a lot of indication of interest. Sometimes slow burns are great.

Choc Yes I talked last year to a great guy on OLD who was about 1.75 hours away but it would just have been too far and we settled for closer people.

Miss Catt FGS why do they do it?

OLD very slow for me atm. Definitely harder when older IMHO but have organised a few fun social events at the weekend where there are possibilities of meeting new guys so who knows what the weekend will bring. Some fun anyway :)

can i ask something silly?

i text MrForeign about our 2nd date, asking which film he wanted to see, as I can get free cinema tickets from work. now im overthinking, was this too nice of me? too eager?

i was “too nice” for the last guy i dated, which i think was a total turnoff for him. with MrForeign i let him pay for 1st date (& didnt even offer to go half ) because in the past i would have paid 100%. i didnt text him for 2 days after that and he asked me for a 2nd date.

this might be irrelevant, but he is not from UK, he is from a country where women are not easily impressed and courtship/dating can be long. dont want to appear too nice/eager. wish it was possible to unsend imessages.

pudding

he mentioned again he didn't have a girlfriend - he's interested

He told FWB he thought I was beautiful. - he's interested

And when I saw him in the past he always stared. - he's interested

He thought it was funny I didn't remember, - he remembered an 18 month old conversation with you? Hmmm... he's interested

Mum I think I am the epitome of secure bases and maybe that is the issue - nice guys come last, after all.