Dating Thread 128: the one without a catchy title

[RunsforCake14]

Dating thread rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is you don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. You are the prize - they should be trying to impress you.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread

I know - perhaps I'm just being a bit paranoid - but I've told him what I'm doing and there is just ...something

Val: I have limited time when I actually want to or can chat on the phone, its not because I am being shifty, I don't really like off the cuff phone calls, and if I was going to have one for the first time I would have to have the time to give it the attention it should.

OK.......so phone sex guy seems like he is lovebombing, constantly telling me how beautiful i am etc. I think his language doesn't help, I get this totally as I speak some Portuguese and have had some chats in Portuguese but they are limited in depth at times. Anyway, I am thinking I will cancel Friday. Feel like I could block him but also think I should maybe give him a chance. But see how he behaves in the next week or so. I want to be honest with him, maybe I am giving him too much thought.

I take my kids football training twice a week and my friend takes his kids (totally platonic I am good friends with his wife). He is a great guy, very very sensible and I have been keeping him loosely up to date with my dating. Him and his wife are very supportive of my situation etc. Anyway, I was talking a bit about this guy (broadly, didnt mention the phone sex...) and he said is he top of your list then? And I was smiling and he said "its the architect isn't it?". So we chatted about it a bit, and I said if he was really interested though he would have made his move wouldn't he"? And he said not necessarily, reassured me a bit about the workings of a male brain and said just go for it. He said what you got to lose, suggest you understand if he didn't want to because of professional reasons, but ask him for dinner again.

Should I ????????????????????????????????????????

pudding do it!!

Pudding, I would totally say do it! Then at least you know . . .

On a separate note, my fling from the summer has just texted (after no contact since early Dec) to say he's passing this way tomorrow, and did I fancy catching up for a coffee. I've texted back to say I'm busy tomorrow (true) but was good to hear from him and would be nice to catch up some time (also true - he's pretty a bit messed up, and was starting counselling to try to sort himself out, nice guy & I'd like to hear how he's doing & hope its going well).

Was very much a NSA fling - just wondering if I need to tell him explicitly that I'm now in a relationship, or whether a friendly-but-no-more message as per above makes it clear enough I'm not interested. I'm assuming the most likely thing is that he genuinely is just wanting to catch up (and quite possibly he's heard on the grapevine I'm with Mr F, hence feels it's a good moment for a shift to being friends) but just a smidge concerned he's given up on the 'lets sort my life out and then look for a serious relationship' thing & is fishing for more NSA sex . . . Any thoughts???

dooooo iiitttt

Pudding do it do it go for it! What have you got to lose?!

I sent one message, asking about something else. He isn't a big texter I don't think, doesn't use social media much, he likes talking on the phone. But I am a big scardey cat, and couldn't ask him on the phone. So I will wait to his reply then ask when he is back locally, then be brave.

Thanks! Meanwhile, phone iron isn't giving up in telling me how beautiful I am and its getting boring. I do like a challenge, and mystery, even though it ties me in knots......

Oh Pudding you so should :) I know the wise ones will say be professional and finish the work first, but come on, the lingering looks, the excitement...can you honestly wait that long to find out?
St.M that was unfair of Mr A to contact like that, I bet you are gutted but you handled it perfectly.
Runs I quite often get fed up and have a break, but then get bored and start looking again!
So if anyone fancies a chuckle....Been talking to a new iron for last few days, he sent me a photo of him with his cousin today....I have had an on/off thing with the cousin for about a year! had to fess up and he still wants to meet, I'm not sure now, the joys of living sem-rurally where everyone knows each other lol

Be brave, pudding. YOLO!

Go Pudding!

Ok please can I have some advice? I have an iron I like a lot we started chatting six weeks ago. We tend to chat on WhatsApp but tbh I can't sustain 'interesting' chat on there for this long and want it to be dates more. So we've met up twice and both times it's been fun and good chemistry. Unfortunately he lives an hour away and we both have kids and jobs so it's proving difficult to meet even once a week. He doesn't seem too phased by this but I do feel our contact is reducing. However today he sent a Valentine's card, messaged me and phoned me.

I could ask him for a date next week and he would oblige but it's all feeling so hard. I want to work towards a proper relationship and I don't feel we've got the ability for that when I've tried to discuss he doesn't really acknowledge or have a solution. Perhaps I'm just a nice distraction for him.

Val Trust Your Gut

(I need a Yoda emoji)

newyear that’s normal to find it harder once you get to know each other, finding stuff to talk about constantly on WA after 6 weeks is not easy but your situation sounds positive overall to me.
You like him
He obviously likes you the valentines stuff was very sweet!
The 2 dates you’ve had we’re both successful it sounds
An hour away is not that far at all, much over that yes its tricky
Kids and a job are normal things second time around and will have to be worked around and navigated in dating life.
My suggestions to move things on a little are, suggest phone calls instead of WA? So can you message in the day but start calling at night to chat and catch up etc? It might flow better and build connection.
Once a week is ideal for a date early doors. Is he progressive in making plans to see you again? Has he mentioned it? This was the only part of your post I could see a possible problem in. But the the valentines stuff shows interest. I’d tell him, nicely, over the phone you’d like to see him weekly in an ideal world and ask to put some dates in the diary if he is interested....good luck and report back!

And where’s kin with the update!

A little advice for me please, I have my date 2 Friday night, dinner with MrSouthAfrican
We’ve been getting on great, and in our messaging last night he mentioned that he was Child free Saturday if I wanted to do something either on our own or with my son.
He said just throwing it out there, no pressure and no need to even respond if it’s not appropriate etc. That I could see how Friday goes first.
The way he put it was genuine and not pushy so no concerns there of him trying to rush things but I’m on the fence as to whether to go or not. I have no plans either unusually and I can’t do any nights next week as I’m busy so after Friday evening the next possible date is a while away and it would be fun to walk the dog or go to the cinema together etc. I was thinking just something casual for a few hours, not a full on day trip etc.
But is that too much to have a date the day after a date? I feel like I want to as it’s a good opportunity and as he’s often got his son, and I’m really busy it makes sense to grab it but worried we’re rushing things?

Last I would go for it on Saturday. If Friday is awful, it won't happen anyway. If it isn't awful, then I think it sounds nice to follow-up quite quickly, doing something relaxed like the cinema or dog-walking. I don't think I'd introduce my DC just yet (if it were me). But I think it's good to see if this has 'got legs' early on. I'm excited for you!

Rose Woohoo!

New He sounds keen on you. I like Last's suggestion of texts and maybe an evening chat.

My soon to be exdh asked me to try again last night (face to face, dropping of DC), which is frying my brain this morning. I'm very clear it's a no, but it all feels very sad. I could really do with some fun.

And, yes, Kin, where are you? Milan or UK? And alone or not?! I'm sooooo living vicariously ...

last that's exciting, I don't think you're rushing things and you should go for it, life's short!

Thanks for your advice on my iron. Good to hear that a slow down on WhatsApp chat is normal. The thing I find a bit jarring is when I've suggested a date (at my place!) he has been very keen. He knows dtd is on the cards at some point but also that I wanted to wait. But he's not been pushing for dates and he doesn't phone much, said he's tired in the evenings. Maybe I'm thinking too much and need to invite him to mine again, just more used to men chasing I suppose.

kin sometimes has to work to support his extravagant lifestyle

Update a bit later when things become clearer...

Really want the update kin. Also overinvested in Mr Architect

As for me, I think I might need to park one cheek on the smitten bench 😍

I think we have two Roses... I’m getting confused!

RoseGold that sounds like things went well! What happened last night?

Mr A is a proper weirdo. He sent me a really shitty response to me saying I didn’t want romantic messages from him, accusing me of being aggressive and saying he’d just wanted to cheer me up (! how fucking patronising?!) So I let him have it - not nastily, just truthfully, because I really do think he treated me badly ending it the way he did without any discussion or explanation, and I made it clear I don’t need cheering up, that I was upset at the time but I’m ok now. Was expecting another defensive response but instead he came over all nice, said sorry and hoped we could see each other as friends sometime, and that he missed me.

He is such a head-fuck.

Looking forward to hearing all your updates!

I am pleased I am not the only one investing in Mr Architect. I text him yesterday and he still hasn't replied (I haven't asked him for dinner again, just general stuff about work that is relevant). Maybe that is a bad sign? Anyway, I'm going to be cool. Really cool (that is what I am telling myself). I get really goofy around people I am attracted to. ;)

Mr phone guy: so I told him last night after he sent me more selfies and asked if I wanted to see him and video chat that I wasn't really feeling it, that it seemed like he was looking for validation etc. he kept saying "am I nice, do you like me" etc after photos. Its so tiring. So I have bagged Friday and told him that I am not sure if I am ready for the whole dating thing to try let him down gently. Anyway after all that he said he understood, carried on calling me pet names and sent me another selfie to cheer me up. FFS. I am sure the language is partly to blame here, but he isn't listening. Should I just block? It feels mean to do that. I think I will leave it a couple of days and then tell him I am not interested engaging further and then block him.

I also feel a big wobble about tinder. So I am going to keep the guys I like I was talking too and hide my profile again. Its all about the dark, super cool, confident, sexy, hard working, talented, cultured, hot, surfing 10 year younger architect. Sigh.

Oh yes, so we do have two roses!

RoseGold, I was about to challenge you to a dating battle and call it War of the Roses but it would appear I have already lost!! Who is this man whom has managed to get that cheek on the smitten bench?!

I had an enjoyable evening out on my own. Saw some art, enjoyed the nibbles and chatted to some random strangers. There were a few moments when I felt like "what am I doing here alone, everyone else has someone with them".
It made me realise that I enjoy going out and meeting new people. I've enjoyed all the first dates I've had, even though some have been hard work, because I've met people I would never come into contact with otherwise.
What I don't enjoy is the endless messaging on OLD that leads nowhere. I'd rather meet someone and decide if I like them then make a decision based on dodgy photos and texts.
With that in mind I looked at speed dating and everything near me is booked up until May!

Quick question for anyone who's done speed dating. Do the people you meet know your age when they meet you? Or is that only visible after the event on the website?

pudding it would be bad if he wasn’t responding to a dinner request but work... don’t sweat it!

MissIntellectual and I chatted last night, she got rather flirty, things were looking up.

Today.... she says she has a really, really bad cold.

Decisions, decisions...

So Kin - is Milan on or not? Did you lay your cards on the table? Fingers crossed.