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Original poster

Dating Thread 128: the one without a catchy title

999 replies

RunsforCake14 · 11/02/2018 11:15

Dating thread rules:

  1. The first rule about the dating thread is you don't talk about it with people you're dating.
  2. Develop a thick skin.
  3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
  4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
  5. Trust your gut instinct.
  6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
  7. You are the prize - they should be trying to impress you.
  8. If it's not fun, stop.
  9. Loo update is mandatory.
10. No dating the thread
OP posts:
esk1mo · 14/02/2018 16:19

flower i actually dont mind either - ive dated people who text often and people who dont. i dont want to text just for the sake of it, but likewise dont want to feel like im overinvested for texting something random.

val i have never spoke on the phone before meeting. id only chat on the phone a few months in Shock

esk1mo · 14/02/2018 16:20

my point being - i just go with the flow with regards to texting. i mirror the way they text, because that’ll be what they’re used to. i couldnt handle 2-3 texts in a row if i dont reply though

CoverMeLads · 14/02/2018 16:21

Sorry StM missed your post: perfect reply and it was polite of you to reply at all, so that’s good dating karma Wink

I think I’m going to set up a profile tonight. I definitely need to DTD again before I turn 50 and it’d lay the ghost of Mr Yowzer to rest.

SpringtimeSun · 14/02/2018 16:26

Re the Pre-Date phone call. MH had a good video on this. About how we should be using our precious spare time better, by going on fewer dates, better quality dates by weeding out the irons with no/bad chat before we meet them.... by chatting on the phone 1st.
I hate chatting on the phone before I met someone but the way he said it made a lot of sense.

Original poster
RunsforCake14 · 14/02/2018 16:30

After quite a bit of soul searching and deep reflection fuelled by coffee and chocolate I've come to the conclusion that I don't want to date any more. I'm struggling to find anyone. My last couple of dates have been with guys that seemed nice but weren't really right for me.

I was in a relationship for most of last year with someone who ticked all my boxes. Then he ended suddenly with no reason. If I'm honest with myself I've been either looking for a replacement or the complete opposite. And it isn't working.

OP posts:
ValMc1 · 14/02/2018 16:33

Really surprised at how many of you don't talk first - I suppose I'm judging it on my past OLD dating when it wasn't OL but paper ads lol

Kinunir · 14/02/2018 16:37

Awww runs sorry to hear you feel that way Flowers

Maybe now is time for a short break rather than giving up though - there are enough success stories through these threads to give us all hope, though sometimes we just cannot see it at times.

ValMc1 · 14/02/2018 16:39

You know what - there seems to be quite a few 'can I be bothered' people around - perhaps we ought to make a 'can I be bothered' club and get out there and enjoy ourselves without the angst lol

RoseGoldRosie · 14/02/2018 16:41

If he comes to my house on Valentine's Day and I cook him dinner and he doesn't even mention it's Valentine's Day I'm going to have proper second thoughts. Is that grabby? Blush

Kinunir · 14/02/2018 16:45

No Rose it isn't. I gave MissIntellectual her card and flowers on the weekend so she'd have everything on or before today (she's now away working) but she 'forgot' to give me a card - the thoughtlessness of that was quite hurtful.

ValMc1 · 14/02/2018 16:47

Rose - I would do the whole works - candlelight/rose petals the lot - just to see his reaction but I'm not that I to VD probably coz it is my daughter's birthday and that has always been more important to me

RoseGoldRosie · 14/02/2018 16:54

My friend tried to persuade me to make him a card and chocolates and stuff as that was what she was doing for her boyfriend but I thought that was way ott and cringe. So hard to find a card that didn't say boyfriend or love you or the one I love aswell. Was fun looking for one with a tantrumming toddler! In the end I just got one that says 'I'd swipe right for you' even though we didn't meet OLD so a bit random. Going to hide it and the chocolates under the sink in case he doesnt get me anything Blush will be silently fuming through dinner though!

ValMc1 · 14/02/2018 17:14

Rose - lol

VixenSixen · 14/02/2018 18:02

StMoritz: I think your response was great..... principled and you did not get drawn in. You are right to stand your ground.

I'm having a similar issue with MrBytheSea in that since I told him I don't think we should habe anything more to do with each other he has messaged me every single day, dangling the carrot, talking about plans for the summer. I'm not cut out for games and I really liked him so now he is just pissing me off. It feels really cruel.

Bloodyuselessatthinkingofaname · 14/02/2018 18:23

My only mail today was from my dentist - even he is deserting me and leaving the practice FFS !Smile

STM well done on doing that as it is NOT easy !

Runs I have just started and I get where you are coming from - I have one more in the pipeline currently but may give it a break after that . Like yourself I am trying to get over someone ..... I read a reference on here somewhere to a Golden Penis and I need to prove to myself that this guy isn't the only one with one Shock

Also sent a message to Mr Boring saying we didn't have anything in common !

Can I ask if people on here tend to do that ? ie Message saying No thanks or do they just ghost and tell lies like blokes ? Grin

Pogmella · 14/02/2018 18:34

Bloody sometimes I have to ghost- my husband makes it so hard to keel up messaging and dates!

CoverMeLads · 14/02/2018 18:47

If I’ve met them I message. I only stop speaking if a) they’re a sex pest/offensive b) it’s been over a week with no date mentioned or c) they don’t ask any questions after a day or so and the conversation is just trading one or two line statements.

Vixen if you’re not seeing him again and have said as much, will you not block?

CoverMeLads · 14/02/2018 18:50

Sorry, by “stop speaking” I mean ghost Bloody
I’ll always tell them if it’s not working for me and I’d like the same back. I don’t expect it though Wink and if I do not get it I just think “rude” and “billet dodged” 👍🏻

CoverMeLads · 14/02/2018 18:50

Bullet. FFS

VixenSixen · 14/02/2018 19:15

CoverMe: I'm hovering on the block 🙈 something is stopping me.... weakness. Glutton for punishment. I dunno x

RoseNarene · 14/02/2018 19:34

EXCITING ANNOUNCEMENT

I have an iron!! Yaaaaaaay

Haven't had one for ages! We shall call him Mr Boat because he lives on a boat. Only exchanges a couple of messages but he seems nice and appreciates my silly sense of humour. And he plays viola and classical guitar so I'm hopeful this means he is cultured and intelligent. And he's a carpenter so handy to have around!!

Fingers crossed!

Mom2K · 14/02/2018 19:43

Hey everyone, hope you don't mind me joining in - I used to post in the dating threads about a year ago, but have still been reading. I gave up on OLD but suddenly have a RL interest to discuss Grin

Bloody when I was doing OLD I would only message after a date to say I didn't feel a connection if they messaged me after the date first. They always did so I did always send the message instead of ignoring. I had to block one though because he just would not let up (was my first online date actually)

Ok...so currently I am interested in a guy from work. He's a few years younger than me and works in a different department. I have only chatted with him in person on about 3 occasions over a period of 5 months (our paths don't often cross at work). Anyway, I found him on FB and sent a wave, which resulted in him sending a friend request and now we are chatting (I don't know if he's single, his profile/pics don't indicate and he doesn't seem to use it much...but I feel as though he might be interested). I don't want to play games, but don't want to seem eager, I have already initiated this. Is it best to mirror the response times? He doesn't seem to be online much if the messenger last active is accurate. I.e. yesterday morning we exchanged a few messages but my message was the last one in the morning and didn't hear anything until afternoon the next day. Thinking my response should at least wait a few hours. I haven't clicked on his message yet so he'll see I haven't yet read it. How do others handle it?

Plentyoffishnets · 14/02/2018 19:52

happy Valentine's everyone!
been lurking again - am such a stalker! good to hear all the developments and glad everyone's spirits seem quite high.
I am umming and ahhing about to do with the guy I have been seeing for 3 months. he is not too forward in making plans for next meet ups, knew I was child free (rare) tonight but has suggested we do something tomorrow, I was the one who brought up exclusivity so feel I'm more invested. he is also on pof a lot. we met though another site so is difficult to call him out on it, but it really hurts.
Am quite close to ending things on acct of how muxh headspace I'm giving it, how crazy it's making me (continuously checking pof to see when he was active) but won't end it today kin haha!
he ticks so many boxes I am reluctant to bring it to an end. my friend thinks if I am ending it anyway I may as well mention the pof but then he'd be caught out rather than making a decision of his own free will. another friend says to have the conv of if deleted profiles everywhere etc. I stupidly did not mention it with the exclusivity chat. But I suspect he'll lie and after meeting again (it's been 2 weeks) I'll be all hormoney again. so if dumping is easier to do before seeing him again.
I just don't know what to do and don't want to regret it as in over 4 years of old he's definitely the best all rounder I've got things started with.
sorry as I follow the thread but don't contribute much except asking you lot about my dating dilemmas Gin

ValMc1 · 14/02/2018 19:55

I'm you wise ones - I texted the person who asked me out on Monday to say I would prefer to talk first. He texted me back with his number and said tomorrow - I told him I was out tomorrow and babysitting Friday and out again on Saturday - he has given me a 2 hour slot to chat on Sunday - I know he lives partly where I live but is based a couple of hours away - hearing a few warning bells - not sure why

Lovemusic33 · 14/02/2018 20:19

Val I don’t see any alarm bells, you want to talk to him on the phone but you are busy for the next 3 days, he has agreed to speak Sunday but at a certain time? I don’t understand why this would worry you, people are often busy, he may have kids on Sunday or family over which is why he only has a 2 hour slot? He hasn’t complained about you being too busy to talk for the next 3 days?