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Original poster

Dating Thread 128: the one without a catchy title

999 replies

RunsforCake14 · 11/02/2018 11:15

Dating thread rules:

  1. The first rule about the dating thread is you don't talk about it with people you're dating.
  2. Develop a thick skin.
  3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
  4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
  5. Trust your gut instinct.
  6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
  7. You are the prize - they should be trying to impress you.
  8. If it's not fun, stop.
  9. Loo update is mandatory.
10. No dating the thread
OP posts:
Kinunir · 14/02/2018 12:23

Val ha, I'm a grandad and she's a nanny, not that I think age has any bearing on this. I'll just put Milan down to experience and not go.

Cover I may as well, I have nothing to lose now.

lastnicknamefree · 14/02/2018 12:26

StM he obviously still likes you if he’s sending you heart and kisses today. If you still like him too, id set out your standards, whatever they may be and send him a text saying, I still like/love/lust you but this is what I’m lookkmg for and need. If you want that too, then great! Let’s meet up to talk, if not then I think it’s best we don’t text again as it’s confusing and I need to continue looking.

CoverMeLads · 14/02/2018 12:47

Kin don’t not go!!! Better to be a bit miserable in Milan than this shitty weather at home, surely? Unless you’ve got travel insurance to cover cancelling.

I’m a great-aunt if we’re playing the age card (Wink at Val) (how old are you, if you don’t mind me asking?)

sparklyDMs · 14/02/2018 12:58

Runs - I hope you have a great evening- it does get a bit scary going on your own, but it's also a bit liberating at the same time getting out and doing things you want to :)
Kin - in agreement that today isn't the day to end things but an honest discussion about it should help you work out what you want to do next..it'd be a shame to waste the Milan weekend if it's still salvageable
StM- I think this guy may not have your best interests at heart- being romantic but not being in a relationship seems a bit like he's trying it on to see if he can get a romantic interlude..

Kinunir · 14/02/2018 13:07

last / sparkly if I don't do it today it will have to be tomorrow, less than 24 hours before we're due to fly - that seems equally harsh to me.

cover I have travel insurance but does that cover a trip cancelled by me for the reason I have?

lastnicknamefree · 14/02/2018 13:12

But Kin in a year from now, she won’t rememeber tomorrow’s date, but I guarantee if you finish with her today it will be a harsh memory on valentine’s day for at least the next year or so! One day or 2 before you go is not much difference now.

CoverMeLads · 14/02/2018 13:30

Kin No, but it’ll cover you if you’re suddenly “taken ill” won’t it? Wink

And I agree with Last today probably isn’t the day to end it, unless you have a frank conversation and she categorically says “no I won’t be getting physical with you this weekend and here’s the reason why”

Stmoritz · 14/02/2018 13:32

Kin wouldn’t it be better to have a conversation with her about it first? I’d go to Milan, talk, and if it goes badly/ends you can go off by yourselves around the city separately. It’ll still be nice (but I like walking around cities on my own)

And it might go well, she might explain her reasons and it all gets resolved?

Stmoritz · 14/02/2018 13:33

I replied to Mr A saying I didn’t want romance without a relationship therefore don’t message me

ValMc1 · 14/02/2018 14:11

Cover - I am 60.

Kin - As a 60 year old, I must admit I am much more concerned about the physicals - things change as you get older (and not necessarily for the better!). If she is around the same age as me, she may be very self-conscious about certain things. Now I am starting up again, I hope that if/when the right man comes along, I'll think - blow it. he's getting on too, so what does it matter? I know Valentine's Day is special to many people but it is just another day, if you think the time is right for a 'lay your cards on the table' discussion, do what is right for you.

Kinunir · 14/02/2018 14:16

I'm late 40s, she's early 50s, though she definitely looks younger/fitter than I do! If she does have any issues she could have simply told me - I've been there for her with a few issues she has had (family and work) so she ought to know I'm quite an understanding guy by now.

I'll speak to her later regardless... will update on how that goes after the call...

ValMc1 · 14/02/2018 14:32

Good luck Kin - hope it is something you can sort out between you, and you have a great time in Milan.

flowergirl5 · 14/02/2018 14:33

Once you established a relationship how often do you expect contact on days you don't see them. Would you expect lots of texts (like you probably did at when you first met), a few say 10-20 or a phone call. I'm trying to establish if I'm just bloody needy lol xx

Lovemusic33 · 14/02/2018 14:35

Good luck Kin, a awkward situation, could you talk to her, you might be able to work it so she dumps you instead (then you will feel less guilty about it being valintines day) Grin

So, the post man has been and all that came was a bill Sad, I have had several messages from irons wishing me a happy valintines day. I also thought I would send a few ‘happy valintines’ to a few people on POF. I don’t usually message people but though it would be fun, all I had is one reply saying ‘you too’, I’m a bit disappointed.

Lovemusic33 · 14/02/2018 14:36

flower it depends if they are a big tester but I would expect contact every day unless they had told you before hand that they were going to be really busy, only takes seconds to text ‘good Morning’ doesn’t it?

Original poster
RunsforCake14 · 14/02/2018 14:47

StM well done for sending that message. Now you need to decide if you need to block him to avoid any further contact.

Kin I hope your chat goes well and you can resolve the issue. You sound like you have been very understanding so far. Now it's her turn to explain herself

flower if I'm in a relationship and confident about it then it wouldn't bother me if I didn't hear from them for a day. I only message if I have something to say. I don't bother with Good morning/good night unless it's part of a chat. But I wouldn't ignore a message unless I was busy.

OP posts:
ValMc1 · 14/02/2018 15:14

Help - I man I've been chatting to on Tinder since yesterday has just asked if I fancy a red wine with him on Monday - not even chatted on the phone with him - I think we should before meeting - don't you? Can I really be bothered with all of this again!!!!!

Stmoritz · 14/02/2018 15:27

Val by all means have a phone chat first, that’s pretty normal. But if he seems ok you should go for it!

Kinunir · 14/02/2018 15:30

I'd say a phone call is optional but preferred but just do it and enjoy the date!!

VetOnCall · 14/02/2018 15:57

I hate talking on the phone and have never done it with anyone I've met online prior to meeting them for the first time. I honestly can't think of anything worse than a social phone call with a total stranger, I find it far easier to talk in person. None of my dates have ever requested/suggested it either - luckily for me!

CoverMeLads · 14/02/2018 16:03

Ooh I’ve never chatted on the phone first. Maybe I should 🤔

Flower I’m a garrulous old bag so I like plenty of texting, but I work and I’d expect them to be working so it’d probably be limited to the odd one throughout the day with a good morning and maybe more of a chat in the evening. Communication is so important and it helps early on if you’re dating someone with roughly the same approach/comfort zone.
I think a significant drop in contact (that makes you feel uneasy) is often a sign of a shift in interest (or possibly laziness 🙄)

RoseGoldRosie · 14/02/2018 16:06

Mr Skinny hasn't even wished me a happy Valentine's Day, even though we've been speaking on and off all day Shock not a great sign is it?! Think I'll be eating his Lindt box!

Lovemusic33 · 14/02/2018 16:11

Rose I would keep the Lindt for yourself.

NewYear2019 · 14/02/2018 16:14

Kin tbh I think her sending a Valentine's WhatsApp is a bit crap. It sounds like you've treated her really well and she hasn't even bothered with a card? I would probably keep the trip as you've paid for it and nothing has really changed, maybe just tell her you'd like to be friends and move on once you're back?

StM that's a great message, well done!

I've received a Valentine's card from my iron of two dates and countless messages. Seeing as we're finding it so hard to meet with our busy schedules I think I'll have to have a chat along the lines of your message StM, that I won't be dtd unless/until we're seeing each other at least once a week!

Stmoritz · 14/02/2018 16:15

Rose yep definitely eat it yourself!

I recommend talking on the phone first! It’s saved me a few wasted dates!