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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

i think he stalked me online

153 replies

roastpotato87 · 08/02/2018 17:43

I have a tumblr account that I have used for many years. It probably dates back to around 5 years ago. There are things on there about an eating disorder I had, a bad relationship, issues I have with my father... I found it helped me to get it out there. None of my pictures are on there or any identifying information and I have probably less than 30 followers and these are people I don't know and I don't interact with them.

When I met my boyfriend he went on my iPad and saw the tumblr app and asked what it was. I explained and told him I didn't want him to read it as it was an outlet for me and it was personal, (plus I hadn't really used it as much for the six months leading up to meeting him). From that moment on he became obsessed with finding out what the URL for my blog was. I didn't want him to read it as I didn't feel comfortable with it, but on the other hand, it held a lot of memories for me and I didn't want to just delete it. So I changed the URL.

He got onto my iPad when I was in the shower about 8 months into our relationship. I can only assume he read the majority, or all, of my posts on there.

Shortly after this I was beginning to feel my old eating disorder tendencies creep back in / have bad thoughts about starving myself. This scared me and I began to use my tumblr again. Sometimes I would write vague posts about the ED, sometimes I'd reblog pictures of things I thought were nice or cool. It was an outlet and it helped.

I started to get strange anonymous messages on my blog. Things like "would you ever cheat on your partner", "will you post naked photos of yourself", "I am your secret admirer", "I saw you in town today you looked hot" and "I want sex with you". I ignored these messages but they did give me the creeps.

Then one day someone started following me and I received a message from that blog saying "Hi, my name is Ben and I love your blog. How are you?". I replied to say "Thanks and I'm fine thanks, you?" I then got this really strange message back asking for my number and if he could take me on a date sometime.

I don't know how but it just clicked that this person wasn't a stranger and I knew deep in my stomach that my boyfriend was behind it.

I messaged him saying I was getting strange messages on tumblr asking me for naked photos and that I had contacted tumblr staff. He replied and didn't seem to bothered until I said that tumblr staff had confirmed that the person's IP address indicated it was someone who was in the same town as us and that I was scared and going to contact the police. (none of that was true, I just said it to see if he'd confess).

He broke down and confessed it was him, all of the anonymous messages were him and the Ben guy was him too. He said he didn't want to lose me and he only did it because I wasn't giving him access to my blog and he expects his partner to be completely open with him and not hide things.

Since this I feel repulsed by him, I try to smile and act like everything is okay but I just can't, his touch makes my skin crawl and I don't want to be around him.

What is wrong with me? Why can't I just get over it?? Should I even try forgiving him??

OP posts:
CheeseyToast · 12/02/2018 20:28

I wouldn't text him or his parents again. Disengage completely, and focus your energy on yourself.

I'm not surprised you're crying - you've had an awful time! You have been treated with utter contempt.

I'm so glad you are no longer with him; this is the big positive here. Little steps now. Start with trying to get some rest and only being around people who are kind (when you can control this!). Life will get better bit by bit.

Gemini69 · 12/02/2018 20:33

I agree.. disengage from his parents.. you have had a very lucky escape from this guy ... Flowers

NotSureThisIsWhatIWant · 12/02/2018 20:35

Creepy fucker, you are so lucky he is out of your life.

It would be impossible not to be hurt and shocked at such disgraceful behaviour so just take it easy and be kind to yourself.

Most importantly, do NOT contact him again or pick up phone calls from him or his family. He is out to hurt you with the support of his family so get as far away as you can from these nutters and do not lock back.

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