Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

i think he stalked me online

153 replies

roastpotato87 · 08/02/2018 17:43

I have a tumblr account that I have used for many years. It probably dates back to around 5 years ago. There are things on there about an eating disorder I had, a bad relationship, issues I have with my father... I found it helped me to get it out there. None of my pictures are on there or any identifying information and I have probably less than 30 followers and these are people I don't know and I don't interact with them.

When I met my boyfriend he went on my iPad and saw the tumblr app and asked what it was. I explained and told him I didn't want him to read it as it was an outlet for me and it was personal, (plus I hadn't really used it as much for the six months leading up to meeting him). From that moment on he became obsessed with finding out what the URL for my blog was. I didn't want him to read it as I didn't feel comfortable with it, but on the other hand, it held a lot of memories for me and I didn't want to just delete it. So I changed the URL.

He got onto my iPad when I was in the shower about 8 months into our relationship. I can only assume he read the majority, or all, of my posts on there.

Shortly after this I was beginning to feel my old eating disorder tendencies creep back in / have bad thoughts about starving myself. This scared me and I began to use my tumblr again. Sometimes I would write vague posts about the ED, sometimes I'd reblog pictures of things I thought were nice or cool. It was an outlet and it helped.

I started to get strange anonymous messages on my blog. Things like "would you ever cheat on your partner", "will you post naked photos of yourself", "I am your secret admirer", "I saw you in town today you looked hot" and "I want sex with you". I ignored these messages but they did give me the creeps.

Then one day someone started following me and I received a message from that blog saying "Hi, my name is Ben and I love your blog. How are you?". I replied to say "Thanks and I'm fine thanks, you?" I then got this really strange message back asking for my number and if he could take me on a date sometime.

I don't know how but it just clicked that this person wasn't a stranger and I knew deep in my stomach that my boyfriend was behind it.

I messaged him saying I was getting strange messages on tumblr asking me for naked photos and that I had contacted tumblr staff. He replied and didn't seem to bothered until I said that tumblr staff had confirmed that the person's IP address indicated it was someone who was in the same town as us and that I was scared and going to contact the police. (none of that was true, I just said it to see if he'd confess).

He broke down and confessed it was him, all of the anonymous messages were him and the Ben guy was him too. He said he didn't want to lose me and he only did it because I wasn't giving him access to my blog and he expects his partner to be completely open with him and not hide things.

Since this I feel repulsed by him, I try to smile and act like everything is okay but I just can't, his touch makes my skin crawl and I don't want to be around him.

What is wrong with me? Why can't I just get over it?? Should I even try forgiving him??

OP posts:
TellsEveryoneRealFacts · 12/02/2018 09:50

I mean I can believe it. Utter cunt.

FiveTwoFaster · 12/02/2018 09:51

Get a mini fridge for £25 from Argos and thank goodness you’re free of him and he’s out. Don’t show him how stressed you are, he’ll like it. It’s what he wants. Just a “great, glad you’ve moved so quickly” if anything. You dodged a bullet. What a disgusting man.

GreenFingersWouldBeHandy · 12/02/2018 09:54

Hi OP,

Wow, he has shown his true colours. So sorry this is how he has ended things, what a shitbag. He is basically blackmailing you with FURNITURE?!?! The mind boggles, it really does.

And as for the creepy messages pretending to be someone else... he sounds like a complete and utter nut job.

Could you buy a cheap mini fridge for your insulin?

Fingers crossed the landlord can find replacement tenants soon so you can move on and start afresh. Sofa surfing is horrible but it'll only be temporary and at least you can get some support from your Mum while you're there.

FizzyGreenWater · 12/02/2018 10:03

Wow, well you were definitely right to end it!

I'd message the bastard and his useless parents and tell him thanks, they're completely convinced you that it was the right decision ditching their creepy stalker son and them into the bargain. And to let him know to perhaps expect a visit from the police re his cyberstalking and sexual harrassment.

Atalune · 12/02/2018 10:41

He’s a horrible man.

Text-

Wow you just made this whole break up so much easier, and saved me the removal costs to boot. Hope you don’t stutter when the police question you.
Bysies!

BoredOnMatLeave · 12/02/2018 10:58

I think you need to see this as a positive. He is a vile abusive man and it's good that you've found this out before the relationship went any further.

The fact that he took the fridge knowing you need your insulin shows that he cares more about what he wants than your health.

I'd message the bastard and his useless parents and tell him thanks, they're completely convinced you that it was the right decision ditching their creepy stalker son and them into the bargain. And to let him know to perhaps expect a visit from the police re his cyberstalking and sexual harrassment. do this

HairyBallTheorem · 12/02/2018 11:02

Wow. It is worth a few weeks of sofa-surfing to be rid of the creepy fucker. He moved the furniture out and is trying to blackmail you into going back to him by withholding your share of the money for the jointly owned stuff - and he dumped the medicines that you need to stay alive (my sister was type 1 diabetic, so I know how serious this is) on the counter to spoil.

The cost of the furniture is a small price to pay to be free of the bastard is what I'm thinking.

Itssosunny · 12/02/2018 11:11

Disgusting man.

OP, check Aldington website. They have free delivery as well. Tip counter fridges, freezers and dishwashers available. X

Itssosunny · 12/02/2018 11:11

I meant Aldi

CuriousaboutSamphire · 12/02/2018 11:16

Text him back, and his parents if you can, thank him for ruining the meds that keep you alive and confirm that you will no longer be in any sort of contact with a man who is that dangerously petty!

Remember the shock of seeing your insulin sat there, should you ever think of him kindly!

Let the landlord do what they can. Look after yourself!

BitOutOfPractice · 12/02/2018 11:21

Well that's answered your question about whether its salvagable hasn't it. That's his true colours. At least you know now.

First job is contact the GP for a new prescription

You need to be careful about the tenancy. Can you afford the rent by yourself?

Original poster
roastpotato87 · 12/02/2018 11:27

I just feel so pathetic for being upset and I keep crying. I know he's a bastard and he's behaved terribly so why am i hurting.

im going to tell his parents about the insulin, the thing is his dad is a diabetic so i dunno if his dad told him to do it (i cant imagine he would do that) or if he did it when his dad didnt see. i text him saying i cant believe he didnt even leave the fridge when he knows i need it, his response was "we arent together anymore so why should i let you use my fridge" Angry

OP posts:
Charismam · 12/02/2018 11:30

Wow. An upsetting load of hassle but thank God u r not with this man still believing he 2as normal

BitOutOfPractice · 12/02/2018 11:30

Because he is an utter cunt, he has chosen to do the meanest thing he can think of. That wasn't a mistake. He has done that on purpose to inconvenience and upset you - because that was his aim with the whole "moving his stuff out" thing. Remember that. He did that on purpose to hurt you.

And you're not pathetic. What he has done would make anyone - anyone - cry

blueremembered · 12/02/2018 11:36

He's an immature bastard OP and you're well rid. The very immature part of ME wants you to tell him you're in hospital because he messed with your insulin. But I understand that wouldn't help things.

Talk to him as little as possible but definitely let his parents know about the insulin, he's messing with your health.

Can you stay with any family while the tenancy gets sorted and you get back on your feet? Thanks

SparklyMagpie · 12/02/2018 11:59

Tbh this has to be one of the creepiest things I've read

And what an absolute shit to remove everything and knowing how important the fridge was for your insulin

Sounds like you're well rid OP, it'll be hard but you've done the right thing

You couldn't possibly go back to him after he's done this, go easy on yourself and if I'm honest,I'd just block him now. What an absolute weirdo

Cricrichan · 12/02/2018 12:01

You know what op? His actions just confirms you're doing the right thing. He's pathetic if he thinks some furniture and a fridge will change your mind.

He's toxic. Coming across your private stuff and bring nosey may have been a bit forgivable but testing you repeatedly to see if you would cheat etc just means that he doesn't trust you and will use anything he can against you.

He's used your diabetes and your therapy/diary against you. Instead of making you feel stronger and better he's honed in on your weaknesses and usedthem against you. The man is vile. I think that once this is all sorted you will feel a lot better in every way xxx

YeahILoveSummer · 12/02/2018 12:07

Never actually said this on here but LTB. It is not your fault he knows he is wrong and is trying to blame you. That's a pretty bad way he behaved.

Angelf1sh · 12/02/2018 12:07

Oh wow have you dodged a fucking terrifying bullet op. I know you’re grieving right now but dear god are you better off out of that shitshow. I’d tell the police if I were you - not only the cyberstalking but the criminal damage with your insulin too.

Whether you call the police or not, you should definitely block him so he cannot contact you again.

LemonBreeland · 12/02/2018 12:20

What is in someone's mind-set to think that the way to get someone to get back together with you is to remove all of the furniture and leave them an empty flat? Nothing says I love you and I'm sorry like leaving someone in the shit. Especially with medication added into that.

No chance you made the wrong decision here.

honeyroar · 12/02/2018 12:27

Was it his furniture or joint?

I'd buy a cheap second hand fridge, bed and matress if you feel safe at the flat, or if not ask the estate agent to inspect the flat now and take back keys.

I wouldn't enter into any more conversations with your ex or his parents. Try speaking to woman's aid for advice. I think the sexual stalker messages and the threats that you only get furniture if you take him back show a clearly fucked up mentality towards women and relationships. Personally I think it should be reported to the police.

I hope that the estate agent can find someone else soon and you can move forwards. You've clearly dodged a bullet here. I hope you're ok.

OhCalamity · 12/02/2018 13:14

You will look back on that and laugh. But I understand how it hurts at the moment.

It boggles that he thinks that by removing the fridge, and destroying your life-saving medicine, it would persuade you to take him back. When in fact it's done the opposite and only confirmed for you that he's crazy.

Puttheknifedown · 12/02/2018 13:22

Wow, he is seriously unhinged. You have dodged a major bullet there as "all" you have to extricate yourself from is a tenancy and thankfully not a mortgage and kids!
He's totally manipulative and this is the type of behaviour that only escalates. If he does this now, I can't imagine how it would be in a few years as he doesn't value your mental or physical health. Sounds like a proper sociopath.

I'm so sorry you feel so rubbish. Not surprised you want to cry, but I wouldn't enter into any more dialogue with him. Don't give him power or fuel. You can't reason with the unreasonable. Hope you start to feel better v soon

Ellendegeneres · 12/02/2018 13:39

Op where are you based? I’m wondering if one of us has a spare we can give/loan you so you’re not keeping your lifesaving medicine in temps that are unsuitable

fireflame · 12/02/2018 13:51

How very sad
Well done to you for making that move (really feel for you) I and know-it was a tough decision
Sorry but I wouldn't be adding any more fuel to the fire regarding any contact
Him or the parents
Would block him/parents on everything, change my number etc
Show him "you are out of my life for good" you mean business
Concentrate on You
He sounds like a controlling insecure syco

Swipe left for the next trending thread