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Original poster

am i so wrong for wanting my parents to babysit?? opinions please

139 replies

lovemybed · 29/04/2007 20:23

will try and make this short, i am a 25 year old mum of 2 gorgeous dds age 5 and 3, have been married for 6 years. dont have anything to do with in laws (very long story)

im very protective of my girls and only really trust my parents with them when i go out for the night BUT it seems to be a total battle to get them to babysit, they love the girls to bits and are fantastic with them make a effort to see them every weekend and are forever boasting about them to friends etc, but they dont seem to be up for the babysitting bit.

my parents are still pretty young and enjoy a good social life but not to the point where they could not babysit from time to time as well.

i have a 20 year old sister who is totally useless and my big brother who antatic with girls and always willing to babysit has just moved 400 miles away.

just so people dont think i am exagerating i have worked out that they have babysit at the very most twice a year since dd1 came along.

i feel that this is starting to have a effect on me and dh cause we never get a night out together its either me with my friends or him with his, people will think we dont like each other when really we are desperate to spend some time together as a couple.

i cant ask friends to have them over night cause dd1 has some allergies that triggers her asthma and because my friends have young children of there own its not really practical for them to come to me.

to top all this of my husband is in the forces and spends a lot of time away from home so i feel like i never get a second of.

i know some people will call me a selfish cow and say that they are my children and i should watch them but i do this 365 days a year surley a night of every couple of months would not make me the worlds worst mum.

sorry this has just turned into a very long rant but i have just missed a very good night out (yet again) and its still playing on my mind

OP posts:
Original poster
lovemybed · 29/04/2007 20:24

sorry bit about my brother was supposed to say "is fantastic" keys froze on me

OP posts:
SugaryBits · 29/04/2007 20:31

Hmmm, not sure what to say really. Of course you are entitled to a night out with your DH BUT babysitting duties are not compulsory for grandparents. Maybe you should look into finding someone who you could trust to sit. Do you have any friends with older dc? You could spend some time in the day with them to reassure you they will be OK with your DD's.

I can't remember the last time DH & I went out. It has been at least a year. My mum is willing to babysit but unfortunately on the two occasions DH & I had functions to go to, she had already made plans. I don't really like asking my parents anyway. They work full time and have their own social life! They have done their years of sitting at home looking after kids!

Hassled · 29/04/2007 20:37

The root of the problem seems to be that you only really trust your parents to look after them - lots and lots of people pay babysitters, who are usually competent and experienced. Could your friends recommend someone? Do you know any teenagers who need a bit of money and who you trust? If the DCs are asleep before you go out, you don't go too far from home and you have a mobile close by, would that help?

mytwopenceworth · 29/04/2007 20:38

ok, since you asked for opinions - and therefore waived your right to get huffy!!!!!

my opinion is;

they don't owe you anything. the bald truth is that they don't have to do you any favours. they've done their child rearing and it is unreasonable of you to expect that they should make themselves available for your convenience.

your child care is your problem, not theirs and you need to get out of your head that just because they are your parents, they have any duty to your children.

of course it would be lovely if they wanted to, but clearly they don't - and that's their right. so you need to think of other childcare options. sitters is good.

i dont think you are a selfish cow at all, but i do think you need to change your attitude towards your parents. you are all grown up with your own family now. this is a different stage in their life.

Songbird · 29/04/2007 20:38

I don't think you're being selfish at all, but I think maybe you should think more about the idea of getting a friend to babysit, they don't have to have them overnight. Do you live on camp? Even if not there must be loads of people around that you could trust. Offer your services as a babysitter for them as well, to sweeten the deal! I think spending so much time with dcs makes it even harder to relax and let go. I hate to tempt fate, and I don't want this to prompt lots of horror stories, but [whisper] what's the worse that can happen?

greenbottle · 29/04/2007 20:48

Do they ever help you out during the day?

Twiglett · 29/04/2007 20:55

They are YOUR children not your parents' kids and I think you are being totally unreasonable

find a babysitter amongst your friends or find a babysitter and pay them

Unfortunately that's what many parents have to do ... in fact I would say that those who have grandparents on tap to babysit are much more scarce than those who don't

fireflyfairy2 · 29/04/2007 21:00

I used to be like that.

I even cried to my GP when I thought I had to go back to work & leave dd with a childminder.

My GP asked me what I would do when dd started school & I had to leave her with the teachers who would be strangers at the beginning She was right though.

Your parents have already raised you, your sis & your brother, their days of having to look after children are over! My mum will babysit during the day if I ask her to, and has only ever babysat once at night in 5 years!

My IL's though are life savers at the minute. They have had dd and ds lots over the past few weeks as MIL is off work sick [but not unable to look after a child, she's hurt her arm not contagious or anything ]

Do you think you might be expecting too much from your parents?

Original poster
lovemybed · 29/04/2007 21:02

thanks for the constructive opinions, i knew there would be some people who would go the other way.

songbird totally agree with what you are saying but because of a couple of times where dd1 has had quite bad asthme attacks i really dont feel i can just swap babysitting duties with just anyone and that means trying to get a teenager like hassled suggested.

OP posts:
Twinklemegan · 29/04/2007 21:03

Sorry I don't think lovemybed is being at all unreasonable. What ever happened to families helping each other out? Lovemybed, I think your parents are being selfish.

expatinscotland · 29/04/2007 21:04

I don't bother asking my ILs to babysit at all.

MIL always makes a comment if I drink so much as a drop of booze whilst out.

And then they moan when we get home at 9.30PM.

Hire a sitter.

Original poster
lovemybed · 29/04/2007 21:05

fff2 no i dont think i am expecting to much because they babysit for my aunt quite a lot and she has 3 ds's. anytime i try and say can you do the same for me it just kinda gets brushed aside, can totally understand how you would have felt about having to go back to work and leave your children, thankfully thats a few years of yet for me.

OP posts:
Original poster
lovemybed · 29/04/2007 21:05

8twinklemegan* thank you

OP posts:
Original poster
lovemybed · 29/04/2007 21:07

twinklemegan thank you

OP posts:
bubblicious · 29/04/2007 21:08

If it makes you feel any better, my parents, dont babysit for me, if my dH asks then they bend over backwards- try that!

and for what its worth, I think they should babysit, Obviously not every week but every now and then.

Also when my DDs have cildren I cant wait to babysit!

unknownrebelbang · 29/04/2007 21:11

Maybe they're scared to sit because of the asthma attacks?

pointydog · 29/04/2007 21:11

have you asked them, bed? Do they refuse?

If gps live nearby and like visiting their grandchildren, I don't see why they wouldn't babysit occasionally.

I mean, fair enough they don't want to be roped into childcare but we're only talking babysitting.

I understand your frustration.

Twiglett · 29/04/2007 21:13

your children are 5 and 3, how can school be a few years off

I understand about the asthma .. but are you talking about going out all night or for a few hours .. if the children are already asleep and you talk a friend through the inhalers then I'm sure you could get home in time

I think its the feeling of injustice that infuses your post .. they really don't have to babysit if they don't want to

Original poster
lovemybed · 29/04/2007 21:15

i have to say 9god help me0 i DO kinda think that i have a right for them to baysit, not in the kinda way that im going to start stomping my feet and whinging like a two year old but deep down i do think that they should do it every so often, they always say that there willingto do it anytime its just when i actually suggest a date that they start with all the excuses.

let the slagging begin

p.s i had asthma when younger so my parents are clued about about it all, and the first few times i left dh with her after we found out she had asthma they were all in a panic about how he would cope.

OP posts:
Twinklemegan · 29/04/2007 21:16

Why not Twiglett?

Original poster
lovemybed · 29/04/2007 21:16

leave them with someone before and after school

OP posts:
thedogsbollox · 29/04/2007 21:17

I'd get a babysitter that you feel you can trust with the asthma - why don;t you try sitters - some of their staff are nurses etc so have medical experience. If you call them and ask they should be able to find you someone suitable.

I don't think your parents owe you babysitting, mine are no where near here so I have had to make alternative arrangements if I want to have a social life

fireflyfairy2 · 29/04/2007 21:18

Because nobody should do anything they don't want to, that's why!!

Original poster
lovemybed · 29/04/2007 21:19

thedogsbollox sorry i might sound really thick here but is there actually places that you can "hire" a babysitter from that may have medical experience. if so are they fully disclosure checked etc.

OP posts:
Twinklemegan · 29/04/2007 21:20

Well I sure as hell have to do things I'd rather not do all the time. So I expect do most people. It's called life.