am i so wrong for wanting my parents to babysit?? opinions please

[lovemybed]

will try and make this short, i am a 25 year old mum of 2 gorgeous dds age 5 and 3, have been married for 6 years. dont have anything to do with in laws (very long story)

im very protective of my girls and only really trust my parents with them when i go out for the night BUT it seems to be a total battle to get them to babysit, they love the girls to bits and are fantastic with them make a effort to see them every weekend and are forever boasting about them to friends etc, but they dont seem to be up for the babysitting bit.

my parents are still pretty young and enjoy a good social life but not to the point where they could not babysit from time to time as well.

i have a 20 year old sister who is totally useless and my big brother who antatic with girls and always willing to babysit has just moved 400 miles away.

just so people dont think i am exagerating i have worked out that they have babysit at the very most twice a year since dd1 came along.

i feel that this is starting to have a effect on me and dh cause we never get a night out together its either me with my friends or him with his, people will think we dont like each other when really we are desperate to spend some time together as a couple.

i cant ask friends to have them over night cause dd1 has some allergies that triggers her asthma and because my friends have young children of there own its not really practical for them to come to me.

to top all this of my husband is in the forces and spends a lot of time away from home so i feel like i never get a second of.

i know some people will call me a selfish cow and say that they are my children and i should watch them but i do this 365 days a year surley a night of every couple of months would not make me the worlds worst mum.

sorry this has just turned into a very long rant but i have just missed a very good night out (yet again) and its still playing on my mind

God alot of people on here really don't believe in the extended family do they?

Since when did your parents stop caring for your happiness just because you're an adult. Surely it's not selfish to think that they would still put themselves out occasionally to make sure THEIR children are happy?

mumto3girls totally with you on this one, well posted.

god you get some right bitter twisted weirdos on this "why the hell should they babysit" er because they are grandparents and usually thats what grandparents like to do (from time to time of course) , in my experience of a normal family anyway!!!

the grandparents here sound really loving and i think the problem (no offence intended) is that the poster sounds very protective of her daughters, perhaps her parents are picking up on this and dont want to upset her by interfering.

as for all these people who say that grandparents have no obligation to babysit at all, god do i feel sorry for your kids when they are grown up and have children of thee own, it sounds like you have no idea of how a loving caring family look out for each other and help each other out.

lovemybed from what you have said it sounds like your dds have lovely grandparents, and they have babysat on quite a few occasions so its not like they are totally againsed it, i think the problem is more with you than them, talk to them and ask outright if you can get something sorted so that they have the girls on a regular basis say once every 2 months, they can decide if you go to them or they come to you, they might just jump at the chance!!!!

"bitter twisted weirdos" Really?

I think you sound reasonable. I know there are parents out there who really take advantage of the grandparents by dummping the kids on them all the time so they can have nights out etc. It doesn't sound to me like your doing this, i night out for you and your partner every now and then seems perfectly reasonable.

If your not constantly asking the grandparents to have the kids, they should be delited to look after their grandchildren for a night. At ages 3 and 5 i am guessing they go to bed early in the evening or thereabouts so it's not like they have to do night feeds like you would a baby. Then if you collect them in the morning, you are not putting to much work on them. Having your grandchildren for a night should be something to look forward to not a chore, i think you should talk to them and find a time when it's convinient for them to have the kids and go from there.

Well put Bluebubbles.

My husband and I believe in asking the grandparents if they can babysit, most often they can't because my husband's stepbrother has them babysitting his son practically every weekend. If they say yes, great, hurra quality marriage time here we come. If they say no, hurra, quality family time here we come. This just means that we don't get out very often. We can't afford babysitters. I wish people would stop saying that we should "just get a babysitter". I have to work full time, my husband won't start work as a teacher until mid-August/September. We HAVE to rely on friends (and family HA, HA) that don't charge us anything but babysitting in return.
One thing my husband and I have learnt through becoming parents and our (still not over and done with) financial hardship is that you only have yourselves to count on. Don't expect/rely on anybody to help you. We just know that we are going to be there for our children all the way (yes even after they turn 18), we are going to teach them them to be nice to other people, we are going to be there with babysitting and any other help they might need. If you can make it easier for your child, then I firmly believe that you should. I don't want them to grow up and think that we won't be there for them even when they need a weekly/fortnightly/monthly night/weekend to themselves.
My husband and I only have his dad and his stepmom as family babysitters. My parents have disowned me (don't ask why), and my mother in law passed away last winter. The thing is we don't want to force the "remaining" grandparents to babysit our children, because then it would not be enjoyed by them, which in turns mean it would not be enjoyed by the children.
Since our children were born 5 years ago all "sets" of grandparents have babysat our two children a little under 20 times..in total.

"If your not constantly asking the grandparents to have the kids, they should be delighted to look after their grandchildren for a night".

I gave up asking my parents to babysit a long time ago because of their constant refrain of "no".

In my case they simply don't want to know. No other reason which I could fully accept (like for instance ill health, both working full time is applicable to their own circumstances). All I've also got from my Mum in the past is, "oh I cannot do nights". My son is now 8 and sleeps well at night.

My parents have different priorities and the Meerkats do not figure highly on their list. That is something that although hard to accept I have had to face head on.

No, I don't believe in the extended family. I'm not hog-whimpering wild about the nuclear one either.

"as for all these people who say that grandparents have no obligation to babysit at all, god do i feel sorry for your kids when they are grown up and have children of thee own, it sounds like you have no idea of how a loving caring family look out for each other and help each other out."

What an extraordinarily rude and personal comment to make, Bluebubbles. I wouldn't dare to make assumptions like that about posters and neither should you. Perhaps an apology would be appropriate.

I don't think the original poster is being unreasonable at all, but at the same time I don't think grandparents should be 'expected' to babysit, nor are they pyschic. It's got nothing to do with not loving your GC's or your children if they don't offer. They may not want to be seen as interfering!

"No, I don't believe in the extended family. I'm not hog-whimpering wild about the nuclear one either"

Mmm, me neither!

"No, I don't believe in the extended family. I'm not hog-whimpering wild about the nuclear one either"

Mmm, me neither!

"No, I don't believe in the extended family. I'm not hog-whimpering wild about the nuclear one either"

Mmm, me neither!

my opinion is allowed as much as anyone elses, i will not say sorry for something that i am not sorry about

think I might need to PARP on this one laydees.....

Of course, bluebubbles, but you can express your opinion without making nasty personal comments - can't you?

Calling people 'bitter twisted weirdos' because they don't agree with you is very rude.

Anyway never mind. I hope you sorted out your babysitting situation, lovemybed.

not read the whole thread - but just wondered how well behaved your children are - i mean do you see them trough rose tinted glasses? Perhaps you think they're fantastically good but your parents struggle - bedtime can be a nightmare for other people. Mine of course are no problem and all 3 are in bed by 8.30 without a murmur so lots of people happy to babysit! Seriously though its worth considering - i have friends whose children are pains at bedtime and i have my excuses at the ready.

Bluebubbles, really no need to call people bitter twisted weirdos. That's extremely offensive.

Define weirdo.. and please do not feel sorry for other peopls grandchildren, charity begins at home my dear.

Was that me, the bitter twisted weirdo? I feel rather flattered. It makes a change from being a respectable suburban matron, which I seem to have become these days.

Anyway, even if I had that sort of relationship with my parents - and didn't live several hundred miles away from them - I couldn't get my mum to babysit this weekend because she's just off to speak at a conference in Chicago. She's 72, by the way. I have to hand it to the lady, she has a certain quality I hope I have at her age; and I'd much rather be jetting off to be a guest speaker than babysitting!

LMB We don't have any family around, so I understand!! Some leisure centres do a creche, maybe you and dh can do an activity together?
I was asked (at playschool) if i would consider having a student (who was doing part of a work placement there) come into my home to do a work placement (she was doing an nvq in childcare) I said yes, and It was fab because she got to know the children, (supervised), I got to really know her, and she ended up being our regular (ha ha!! regular!! ok, 2-3x a year) babysitter. She loves the kids and has become part of the family almost. That was 5 years ago btw. They have to be crb checked. Anyways, just thought I'd share! good luck

someone is right up there own arse tonight anyway!!!

heres hoping when im 72 i will have my loving family around me not living hundreds of miles apart, takes all sorts though i suppose.

bluebubbles.

Have you ever heard of someone who puts their mouth in action before their brain is in gear?

Seems to me like you are on automatic.

2 words for you darlin' ignorant & narrow minded.

I, for one, would be soo pround of my mum for jetting off to a conference instead of sitting with her slippers on raising grandchildren!

No-one has a right to expect their parents to babysit for them.

Have you been here long? As the only messages I have found for you have been from today

I'm sure they will inherit your many delightful qualities, bluebubbles.

Sounds impressive MI!

one day and i already have my own stalker, not bad eh.

no infact i have been here for quite a while but im more of a passing by mumsnetter, i have more important things to do than sit and blah blah blah all day, not as important as jetting of around the world of course but in my small world the things i do are pretty important.

you aren't wrong in wanting them to, you are totally unreasonable if you expect them to though.
you say having your friends baby sit isn't practical, but tbh this is probably the best sort of babysitting - yeah they may have young kids, but if they also have partners then the partners can look after their kids while they sit for you - and then you can return the favour. Works great fo all concerned as long as no one takes the piss.

Oh you can rst assured I am not stalking you. You're not important enough.