am i so wrong for wanting my parents to babysit?? opinions please

[lovemybed]

will try and make this short, i am a 25 year old mum of 2 gorgeous dds age 5 and 3, have been married for 6 years. dont have anything to do with in laws (very long story)

im very protective of my girls and only really trust my parents with them when i go out for the night BUT it seems to be a total battle to get them to babysit, they love the girls to bits and are fantastic with them make a effort to see them every weekend and are forever boasting about them to friends etc, but they dont seem to be up for the babysitting bit.

my parents are still pretty young and enjoy a good social life but not to the point where they could not babysit from time to time as well.

i have a 20 year old sister who is totally useless and my big brother who antatic with girls and always willing to babysit has just moved 400 miles away.

just so people dont think i am exagerating i have worked out that they have babysit at the very most twice a year since dd1 came along.

i feel that this is starting to have a effect on me and dh cause we never get a night out together its either me with my friends or him with his, people will think we dont like each other when really we are desperate to spend some time together as a couple.

i cant ask friends to have them over night cause dd1 has some allergies that triggers her asthma and because my friends have young children of there own its not really practical for them to come to me.

to top all this of my husband is in the forces and spends a lot of time away from home so i feel like i never get a second of.

i know some people will call me a selfish cow and say that they are my children and i should watch them but i do this 365 days a year surley a night of every couple of months would not make me the worlds worst mum.

sorry this has just turned into a very long rant but i have just missed a very good night out (yet again) and its still playing on my mind

im important enough for you to try and get one over on me and to check what messages i have posted, now really i think you find me just a bit important.

Actually, I checked to see how many posts you had done to see if you were this arrogant about everything you posted & if you always insulted people on threads.

You haven't, so I'm guessing we have hit a nerve with you somewhere.

Anyway, can't stop, have stuff to do

To be fair, bluebubbles isn't really being any more belligerent than more well-known mnetters.

I'm feeling a bit sorry for her 'cause she's a lone voice now.

Lovemybed, I think you just haven't asked them directly enough. Sounds like they may want to do it - if they see them during the day at the moment, couldn't you just nip out for lunch with your partner? But it isn't a divine right (to expect them to do it) and it may be that they are worried about doing something wrong etc. etc.

And bluebubbles, you can't legislate for what/where your children might end up. For all you know, yours may settle on the other side of the world. Who knows! I know I'd be mighty proud of my parents if they were still working doing something they enjoyed when they got to their 70s.

Good lord, how much has happened while I've been away all of 18 hours? This is one heck of a divider isn't it? Just had a thought - do you think your parents might feel it a burden that they're the only ones you trust?

I've said this before somewhere on MN, though I don't know if this will apply to you. One of our favourite things to do is take a day of work when dd is in nursery and have the day off to go shopping, have lunch and go to the cinema. We never get to go to the flicks at night any more because the nearest multiplex is an hour away and our pokey little town cinema (which I used to prefer to the large faceless multiplex!!) only shows films at 7!! We're not at the point where I'd expect anyone else to put dd (aged 2) to bed.

Though it is nice to go out in the evening, alone or with friends, this way you have more time to yourselves and is a real treat (we don't do it that often!)

sorry not been back everyone dd2 has had some kind of 24 hour bug, not very nice!! thank you so much to all who have posted, when my mum called last night to see how dd2 was i decided to take the bull by the horns and asked her how she stood on the babysitting thing, i said i did not want to force her to do anything but would like to clear it up before i looked at alternitives and risk her feeling pushed out.

anyway turns out that she would love to babysit more often, she does not offer as much as she would like because she feels when my husband is here we might prefer to spend the time together the 4 of us and because we have had a few money problems lately she does not want to embarress me by offering and me having to turn her down due to lack of social funds.

when i brought up the fact that the few times she has babysat i have always felt that the excuses follow nearer the time she said she was unaware of this and would try and not do it in future.

she has put a few dates in her diary when she says it would suit her to have them (a few weeks after dh gets home so we can have our family time first) so the moral of my story is try talking to your mum first before posting something on mumsnet that is only going to upset everyone

that's nice - it's all turned out well.

Now just this thread to sort out.

It's good to talk.

Phew! These things are quite often just a lack of communication. Well done for bringing it up, it takes guts when you're afraid you might not like the answer!

Yay!!! That's a great result!!!

That's brilliant lovemybed, glad you got it all sorted!

Hope your DD2 is feeling better

Great news

I love a MN story with a positive ending!

thank you everyone

Ha! I'd have staked money on it being a failure of communication. GPs can be very wary of stepping on toes I've found.

Good news!