Should I presume date is still on?

[lnging]

So we arranged dare Monday night (day time place etc)

Yesterday we exchanged 2 messages in morning and his last one was just saying restaurant we are going to has "steak &lobster Wednesday" and was I ok with that? Responded "it sounded great"

Haven't heard since which is fine don't want to chat to much before date.

So today's date night and heard nothing, should I presume it's still on or should I be waiting for/sending confirmation text?

Would you just arrive at arranged time without confirmation

I'm going to go against the grain here and say give him the benefit of the doubt. IF, and it may only be IF, he gets in touch again to rearrange, then I think you should allow him to offer another chance at a date. You never know, it might all be true. And everyone deserves a second chance.

Even nice men who look after their sisters children and dont have their phones welded to their hands all day every day....

Hey, OP. As others have said, you looked great. He definitely missed out. More fool him.

With respect to his message to you. That was pure shithouse. Common curtesy would mean he’d text you well ahead. "Family emergency. So sorry. Can’t come tonight. Will text later. X". Texting AFTER the date meeting time is bullshit. All he was doing was looking after his sisters daughter. How bloody hard is that.

Btw...you looked great...I know I’ve said that already ;)

Text back 'ok. But could you stop texting me, I'm on a date, thanks'

Longta - sorry have no idea how to reply to individual posts. I think the problem is the decent people don't find each other and agree - so many eligible people out there seem to encounter less than decent people!

I think the posters that have suggested swapping sister for wife have called it right. And the reason for late cancellation was that he was still hoping to nip out to meet you, but wasn't able to.

Don't give up, there are some decent non-flaky genuinely single men out there, it's just a question of finding them! My workmate met her husband on POF, he was her 5th date, the other 4 were shocking: older, fatter, shorter, married.

Sorry he turned out to be a dick.

You’re totally right about OLD, definitely don’t put all your eggs in one basket.

I met my absolutely wonderful husband online. There are nice guys out there!

You looked smoking hot in your outfit, was his loss!

Oh no Inging! I can't believe it turned out like that! What a bell-end!
And I was one of the posters telling you the date was still on, which means he's made a tit of me and therefore is a double bell-end!

My theory was that paid sites would be guys that were serious about dating. I met my fiance on one! But I could have got lucky

My theory was that paid sites would be guys that were serious about dating. I met my fiance on one! But I could have got lucky

Makes sense. If men have paid for access it should have a better selection of serious men. If not less selection, but i would agrue quality over quantity.

Even nice men who look after their sisters children and dont have their phones welded to their hands all day every day

He was online on whatsapp countless times after OP sent her message... he had his phoned WELDED to his hand all day ....

Perhaps I'm old, but when I was actively dating (like, over 20 years ago) we didn't really have or use mobile phones so this whole angst of texting/not texting to confirm things wasn't really a thing. At the risk of sounding very old fashioned, surely it's just better and clearer to actually speak to someone rather than always assuming communication has to be by text where there's more room for misunderstanding. I can see how it's easier to be messed around where it's texts being relied on.

Anyway, the guy sounded like a dickhead so you're well rid.

(The pedant in me feels compelled to say: you are = "you're" not "your", and it is would "have", not would "of"). Again, I'm old and pernickety so feel free to ignore me but those sort of spelling mistakes would always put me right off...)

Most men on paying sites are on the free ones as well. Makes sense.

Those who only use paying sites are sometimes not quite single, which also makes sense.

Only just caught up. What a prat. True or not, you cancel plans in advance. You also don’t give your sister’s medical information out to someone you haven’t met, as an excuse.

Flakiness is very unattractive. I’d also wonder if it was some kind of weird power trip.

On the other hand I am very glad you went. You looked amazing, saw old friends, drank wine. Brilliant. Yes it must have been marred by the cockwomble, but you sound great.

Discard the frog and onwards and upwards. You need to be with someone equally willing to go for it, he has demonstrated a clear incompatibility early on.

Best of luck

I know you could take the "benefit of the doubt" approach to OLD daters (Male and female) when they feed a line try to initiate a meet-up, but I recommend the zero-tolerance approach. It's an immediate shift on time wasters who think coming up with a completely unbelieveable far-fetched excuse gives them a 'by' and a right to a second chance.

Me and DH were OLDers - he set the bar high, walk-over-broken-glass approach. None of all this cobblers of "awwww [whine] buuuuut the dog ate my homework". Anything less and it sets an imbalance of power from day one.

Discard the Frog

^ beautifully understated. We should get MNHQ to create this as a banner at the top of the Relationships Board

Don't give up on the free dating apps yet, I met my lovely DP on tinder but I was on there for about a year before I found him and had been stood up, ghosted quite a few times prior to that 😂 It's all part of the journey (kissing a few frogs)

My brother also met his fiancé on POF

Good luck with it OP , you sound lovely xxx

daisy

I think it’s much easier if we view people as compatible or incompatible, rather than good or bad. There are many lovely men out there who are flaky, they would drive me up the wall, but make someone else happy. I love my BIL, but I couldn’t cope with his laidback attitude to everything. We are both lovely people but would end up loathing each other. He and my dsis work well together, they’re compatible.

Everybody has good and bad bits, it’s about finding the bits that suit you. Someone who can’t communicate a change of plans wouldn’t suit me. Even if everything is true and genuine and he rushed to his poorly sister’s side as described, he would no longer be an option.

I probably had a point... something about frogs. I clearly wouldn’t suit someone who didn’t like long, rambling conversations

Hey nothing quite like a good raaaaamble

Just read your thread and wanted so say you looked fabulous OP xx the little shit is missing out BIG TIME! Xxx

I'm fairly sure he met someone else, possibly even double booked and decided to take his pick on the day... guys do this all the time especially on the aps and often bail last minute. It's clearly no reflection on the woman based on the op pics other than the fact that some men feel entitled to a multitude of women to pick from and get an ego boost from standing women up

He was online on whatsapp countless times after OP sent her message... he had his phoned WELDED to his hand all day ....

Yep. And he couldn't even be arsed to tell her he wasn't going to meet her.

It's bollocks that he was so 'flat out' with the twins that he didn't have 30 seconds to text her and say really sorry can't make tonight. How come he had time to do that after she'd told him she was actually sitting in the pub waiting for him?

OMG. He should never be spoken to again. There's no second chance with that. It will be a slippery slope. OP, you can't start out like that with someone!!

And you look amazing and absolutely are not allowed to waste yourself on someone who isn't falling over himself to get to the pub to see you!!

Don't waste any more time on him. There will be others. Better ones.

The op started a new thread. I don’t think she heard from him again

Which is the new thread please?