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Original poster

Follow on from my AIBU thread 'to be sad about DP spending Christmas at his exes'

731 replies

Tumbleweeds24 · 29/01/2018 00:03

Had to start a new thread here. I posted in aibu in December as I was 36 weeks pregnant and my partner was spending Xmas at his exes.

I suspected foul play and finally found out today that they slept together on Christmas day, she's now pregnant. He's been lying to us both for months and when I went to speak to his ex in person he's done a runner saying nobody will ever see him again and turned his phone off. He's also fucked me over in not paying the rent.

Currently cradling my 2 week old son wondering wtf I'm going to do.

OP posts:
PanannyPanoo · 29/01/2018 17:42

Hold your little boy close and enjoy him. Those first few weeks are so exhausting and so marvellous. Don't let your ex take that away with his pathetic drama.
block him, he doesn't deserve one more moment of your time.
I would be inclined to tell his ex that you want some space and time too and will be in touch in a few weeks.
Your ex is a total waste of space. But without him you wouldn't have your son.
Focus on that
There is no need for your future Christmas' to be spoilt. From now on your life will be spent with someone you love and who loves you unconditionally, Xmas 2017 marks the Xmas you started putting yourself and Toby first.
Look forwards to your life. You are in control and you have got this.

DearMrDilkington · 29/01/2018 17:43

Unfortunately if your ds was with you when he kicked off then ss will probably want a chat with you to make sure your ds isn't put in that situation again. But I doubt they'll become involved, it'll most likely be a one off chat.

AcrossthePond55 · 29/01/2018 17:49

Totally understand what you mean about reading his messages but not seeing him. BUT, I do think it would be better for you if you blocked him. His messages are just further proof of his cuntish fuckery and do you really need more proof than you already have? He's a shit, you know he's a shit, what more do you need? Seeing his messages is giving him 'space' in your head when you need to be doing your best to get him OUT of it.

Maybe start out by blocking him from bedtime til noon? That will get you a peaceful night (as peaceful as it can be with a newborn) and a quiet, calm morning.

And his suggestion of asking the ex to abort is absolutely abhorrent. It just shows that he really has no paternal feelings. For most women this decision is usually a painful and deeply considered one. For him it's no different than saying "I'll ask her not to phone me if it bothers you, shall I?". I certainly wouldn't expect much from him in the parenting department.

iMatter · 29/01/2018 17:52

You don't have anything to gain by continuing to be involved with these people.

Walk away, block and move on.

Rise above all this shit and make a new and happier life with your child

DonnyAndVladSittingInATree · 29/01/2018 18:05

I agree with iMatter. These people, all of them, will bring you drama for as long as you keep them in your life. His ex is still hung up on him. Have no doubt about that. She may be angry with him now but that will pass. Look how she has hung around. That’s not for nothing. Leapt at the chance to get with him as soon as you were out of the way at xmas. Honestly, those two are not finished with each other. In your shoes i would forget about the lot of them and move away.

Lndnmummy · 29/01/2018 18:11

I think across has a lovely idea of turning off the messages from him for a few hours. Your head needs space away from it all. ❤️

Original poster
Tumbleweeds24 · 29/01/2018 18:16

I agree aswell. Especially now I know the police want to speak to him. I don't need this at all.

If he were to go to the station or call them up would that then avoid them coming to my house. I don't want any of that at my door due to him.

OP posts:
DearMrDilkington · 29/01/2018 18:38

They'll probably want to check your ok either way tbh. It does vary depending on where you live though.

Lndnmummy · 29/01/2018 19:16

Don’t worry about the police they will be considerate to your situation with a newborn. They will contact you when they need you. Try to disengage from exp and his ex and the entire drama as much as possible. Focus on you and your baby’s future. Save your strength and your energy and focus on looking after yourself. I do think that there is an element to the ex that is thriving on all this drama. Some people do. I am sure she is in a terrible predicament as well but you do not need all this. Are you in south London? If so feel free to pm me.

Graphista · 29/01/2018 19:20

At the very least turn your read receipts off so he doesn't know you're reading them, else he knows you're in his head.

Police and SS may want to just make sure you and ds are safe and he's not living there. Also as you are a very new mum and this is a very stressful situation they may offer some support as I said.

I've had mostly good experiences with ss (couple of idiots) due to mh breakdown and malicious reports by ex. Generally though they are ok. They are very good at knowing what support agencies are available in your area or even just outside.

BarbraDear · 29/01/2018 19:21

I know everyone else has said this but you really CANNOT trust his ex either. Don't confide too much in her (I'd tell her nothing), don't go places with her, don't slag him off to her because I have a feeling she is laying the ground work to get him back and will use everything you say as reason why he should never go near you again.

I would be going back home to family and away from the madness that is going to be happening over the next few years with him and his ex and the next ex and the next one..... I know too many people like him. He will meet someone new but ex number 1 will be his default and where he ends up once things sour with the newest girlfriend.

DonnyAndVladSittingInATree · 29/01/2018 19:23

Pregnancy, post partum and when ending a relationship are the most vulnerable times for a woman. I expect the police will want to make sure you are ok because of this. I would be disappointed if they didn’t. Although i know they are stretched.

Original poster
Tumbleweeds24 · 29/01/2018 19:29

His dad's here, he come round to get my version of events and ask what's been going on.

He said he went to see xp at his work place last night, so being in the woods is sympathy seeking bollocks.

He also suspects he's punched himself in the face, nobody else has done it. His younger brother has done the same in the past so that adds weight to the theory.

OP posts:
Lizzie48 · 29/01/2018 19:31

It does sound like like your ex has a lot of issues, certainly. But the thing is, it's no longer your responsibility to help him. You should now just concentrate on yourself and your little boy. Thanks

Lndnmummy · 29/01/2018 19:37

I hope that you can get some support from the dad. This is so horrible for you. You have so much proof now that he is not who he says he is. Will you be able to stay in the flat on your own in terms of finances?

Lndnmummy · 29/01/2018 19:37

And what a sad sad loser he is. After all this devastation he has caused just to continue with the lies. He will threaten to take his life next.

ConfusedButInLove · 29/01/2018 19:38

Oh love Flowers
You need to keep your little boy away from all these people as much as possible.
They all seem as bad as each other. He is a total sumbag. She must have planned this pregnancy to get him back. And his dad is an enabler.
You made the right decision regards to the certificate. How do you plan on telling him?
Just be careful, make sure you put you and dss safty first when you do.

Graphista · 29/01/2018 19:41

Wow! Well his dad seems to have his number...but again - be careful - that's his son at the end of the day.

hollie11 · 29/01/2018 19:54

He punched himself in the face for sympathy after you've found out about his cheating and lying......op remember this if you start to feel anything for him again.
What a pathetic loser. Good luck op

hollie11 · 29/01/2018 20:00

Op cheer yourself up by imagining the saddo actually punching himself in the face or purposefully running into a wall or whatever to look like he's been in a fight. Wonder how many times he had to punch himself in the face to get the look!

Original poster
Tumbleweeds24 · 29/01/2018 20:08

His father has just left, he thinks she's trying to trap him with this baby and make him move back, that's what his opinion is. He spent an hour telling me how controlling and manipulative she has been over the years, but said xp knows this more than anybody so he cant blame anyone for his actions but himself. I don't think for a second he condones what his son has done, but i suspect he was hoping I would be able to try to forgive him. I said I can't get past it, a one night stand with a stranger perhaps but having a baby with somebody he will be tied to for life is a deal breaker and I couldn't move past or live with that if I tried.

I've said he's welcome to visit his grandson whenever but I don't want to talk about xp with him anymore for now as it's too raw.

Exes sisters messaged again asking if the police have been. Sigh

OP posts:
Original poster
Tumbleweeds24 · 29/01/2018 20:10

Absolutely convinced now that he's done his face himself. It makes too much sense to be anything other than what happened. He went straight to work from her block of flats. The only thing I couldn't understand was all the mud, but there's grassy areas around his work building and I wouldn't put it past him throwing himself on the grass to add weight to his ridiculous story.

What a bloody nutter

OP posts:
Original poster
Tumbleweeds24 · 29/01/2018 20:12

Ldnmummy I am in that area yes. How do I send u an inbox?

Also. I should be able to stay in the flat providing I get HB. My landlord has sent me a long supportive message, really trying to console me bless him. He's a police officer so if the dipshit start any bother then I have him on speed dial.

Will he know about the log made against xp by the sister? Or would that only happen if he was allocated the incident to investigate

OP posts:
Original poster
Tumbleweeds24 · 29/01/2018 20:18

The punching himself in the face thing is a huge red flag to my. I had a horribly abusive ex who would do this on a regular basis. I never in a million years thought this man was cut from the same cloth. Who knows what else he's capable of

OP posts:
LokiBear · 29/01/2018 20:23

I've followed this thread and my advice is to stay away from all of them. Tell the sister you will speak to the police if they come but your focus now is getting him out of your life and enjoying your baby. You can't be friends with his ex. The whole thing between them is hugely weird. Leave them to it. You and your son deserve so much better. Flowers