Follow on from my AIBU thread 'to be sad about DP spending Christmas at his exes'

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Had to start a new thread here. I posted in aibu in December as I was 36 weeks pregnant and my partner was spending Xmas at his exes.

I suspected foul play and finally found out today that they slept together on Christmas day, she's now pregnant. He's been lying to us both for months and when I went to speak to his ex in person he's done a runner saying nobody will ever see him again and turned his phone off. He's also fucked me over in not paying the rent.

Currently cradling my 2 week old son wondering wtf I'm going to do.

So she found out at Christmas that you were pregnant and then slept with him . I’m not sure, he careful to trust her. You don’t know her agenda.

You are so so strong, and bright. We are all rooting for you. Toby is a lovely name

Wow, what are the chances of one single shag on one occasion ending up with her pregnant?

I too am a bit about her claims, and think they have been having sex for months. But ultimately the end result is the same, so it's now down to OP to decide whether she cares about how many times/how long it was going on.

Well done you and this is a special day for you and your son. One of many to come

Tigna sorry I misread your post. Apparently she's 3+ weeks gone according to a clear blue. I didn't end up seeing the tests, nobody showed me, probably because I said outright that I believed her.

She said she was going to tell me at the 12 week stage when she had the scan. She told XP and his mum straight away I'm guessing she showed him the tests. He's admitted it's all true so he must have seen proof. I do believe it's true as much as I wish it wasn't. If it did turn out to be a lie it would make things a bit easier for me but I still wouldn't want him back. It's true though I just know it.

I love the name Toby! Good on you OP! You know you’ve got a thread of mumnetters cheering you on and supporting you all the way.

I’d be interested to hear what he ex actually knew and when. I’m not sure you’ll get the honest answers but it intrigues me over the lies he’s said

Apparently she knew nothing whatsoever until "Christmas time" and then found everything out at once.

Her oldest son told her in early dec (when they came round) that he had met daddy's pretty friend, that's when she kicked off at XP (I mentioned this in previous thread) so I'm taking it that she knew about me from early-mid dec. She slept with him Christmas day.

Wow, what are the chances of one single shag on one occasion ending up with her pregnant?

Umm, you do realise that’s how all pregnancies happen!! It’s always only one shag that is responsible for a pregnancy.

He wants to come round and cook me dinner this evening to make sure I've eaten and so I can get some rest.

Cheeky bastard I would rather starve

I did wonder if it happened more than once but she hasn't said it had. I would have thought she'd relish in telling me if it had.

I’ve been following your threads from the very beginning and I’m astounded about the outcome..what a knob!!

Just wanted to say though, don’t put too much trust into his ex. At the end of the day, she still knew about you and went ahead and slept with him knowing that and from what I can gather, she’d have him back in a beat. So just be wary of her in order to protect yourself from further hurt.

Keep reading that list! I'm glad it made you smile if only for a brief second.

Toby is a lovely name, onward and upwards.

I'd block the lot of them off your phone.

You don't need to have anything to do with them.

Clean slate, move on. Don't torture yourself with wanting to know all the details.

In fact, if you have no ties to the area I'd probably bugger off altogether so you don't bump into EX and all his offspring/partners in the future.

The whole thing sounds pure Jezza, and you actually sound normal.

I have nothing to add Tumble except to say that you have been magnificent in your handling of this situation and that Toby has a truly wonderful mum. You are more than enough of a parent for him without that lying tosser in his life.
Block the whole lot of them ( l don't believe a word his ex says) and move on .
Toby is a lovely name

I was already worried this thread made you identifiable to people who know the situation- please get MN to delete the posts with your DS’s name. You need to decide as he grows up what you will do, what you will tell him about his wider family. You also may yet end up in court about contact.

While I understand why you went alone today, I honestly suggest take the name posts down, as the thread shows you genuinely sought to exclude your xP from parental responsibility and he could probably use that in court.

It is far, far better to seek RL support and don’t play out all the details online, as anyone who knows him could print this out and it could be lodged in court against you. Feckless, cowardly, all these things he may be, but he is your DS’s dad and a court will rule they have a right to a relationship.

I truly mean this kindly, there is too much drama for just having a two week old baby and being shocked. I know you need support, but please be careful with the level of detail you are posting.

Toby is a lovely name.

Have you got any friends close by that could come over for dinner tonight? It's a a lovely thing registering your baby so it'd be nice if you had someone over to enjoy the milestone with. If not, order yourself a takeaway and pig out with a film on.

I know a Toby and he's the loveliest guy ever.
Thank goodness as he might be a SIL!

Have you managed to speak to your landlord about the rent? Is the property in your name? It’s worth applying for housing benefit as soon as you can. Details are here www.gov.uk/housing-benefit/how-to-claim

You raise a valid point Emy.

Although i don't see me ever ending up in court about his contact as he's too spineless to initiate anything like that, he lets the chips fall where they may as far as his children are concerned. If I were to say tomorrow "you are never going to see your child again" he would do nothing more than slink off licking his wounds then giving a sob story to whoever is unfortunate enough to encounter him next, maybe send a few soppy self pitying text messages.

Don't worry it couldn't be used in court! How ridiculous!!!! There's no proof anywhere on this thread of OP's own name! Could be anyone! 🙄

I spoke to the landlord this morning I told him what had happened and my concerns about him having not paid the rent. I said I'm going to go to HB tomorrow.

He told me not to get flustered about it, he's sorry to hear what's happened and if there's anything he can do then just ask. He's a really decent landlord to be fair to him.

Dipshit is claiming he's got the rent money from his dad and is gonna go pay it. I relayed that to landlord but warned him not to take it as gospel as XP has shown himself to be a compulsive liar in all aspects.

Your landlord sounds lovely, I'm glad his so understanding of the situation. Are your family aware what's happened?

Just wanted to say though, don’t put too much trust into his ex. At the end of the day, she still knew about you and went ahead and slept with him knowing that and from what I can gather, she’d have him back in a beat. So just be wary of her in order to protect yourself from further hurt.

This. I sure as hell wouldn't be asking her for company at a STI test!
I might sound like I am bleating on about it but myself and a few other posters have highlighted the dodgyness of this woman. Don't think she's going to start doing things with morals now when she lost them when she was shagging your DP.

My family know. My aunt has tried to come and visit me today but I asked her to give me a day to get my head straight first before I feel like talking.

I said I might pop there in a bit but may not.

I spoke to my mum last night, she was sober for once which was nice to hear. I rang her at 3.00 in the morning god knows why. In a stupid state of shock I think.

I'm not gonna trust his ex too much. I wanted to be civil so I could find everything out but I'm aware she might have an agenda so I'm going to be mindful of that. I was thankful I had somebody to relate to last night if she was the one he cheated with, I was just so lonely and in shock I think I just needed to hear somebody else call him all the names under the sun, be mad at him etc. It's definitely not the start of a friendship, once I've gotten my head around everything and the only emotion I'm left with is disgust I doubt I'll even be able to look at her either.

Come round to make you dinner! As we would say in Scotland "get tae fuck!"

Even if she was the one he cheated with*