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Original poster

Follow on from my AIBU thread 'to be sad about DP spending Christmas at his exes'

731 replies

Tumbleweeds24 · 29/01/2018 00:03

Had to start a new thread here. I posted in aibu in December as I was 36 weeks pregnant and my partner was spending Xmas at his exes.

I suspected foul play and finally found out today that they slept together on Christmas day, she's now pregnant. He's been lying to us both for months and when I went to speak to his ex in person he's done a runner saying nobody will ever see him again and turned his phone off. He's also fucked me over in not paying the rent.

Currently cradling my 2 week old son wondering wtf I'm going to do.

OP posts:
Weezol · 06/02/2018 22:13

Splendid work on the bedroom. It really amazed me how much difference it made waking up in a 'new' room. You need to thoroughly Toby it up now.

I see your rusty knife and raise you rusty spoon.

Yeah, right, of course he's getting the snip. Like I'm currently getting a foot massage from Rollo out of 'Vikings'.

I got a bit sad earlier thinking about little benches. Their paint was peeling because they had a rubbish dad and a mum like OW not a good one like you. I can't believe PMT still catches me unawares after nearly 30 years...

Weezol · 06/02/2018 22:16

All the little benches live with me now. I luffs them so much.

SugaredSocks · 06/02/2018 22:30

Well I’m glad you knew sooner rather than later although obviously would have preferred you to have been treated like you should have been. That sister will come a cropper one day with the stirring she likes to do.
Fantastic work on the bedroom has it meant you’ve been able to sleep on the bed and get a bit of proper rest instead of the sofa yet?

Mxyzptlk · 06/02/2018 23:14

he's having the snip he says
And he thinks you'd be interested, why exactly?

Wasn't he supposed to communicate only about his belongings?

And did he ever ask what happened about the "postponed" birth registration?

Hes a Loser!

Original poster
Tumbleweeds24 · 06/02/2018 23:14

Oh weezol that gave me such a laugh, You lot are brilliant!

I haven't had much to smile about this past week other than my lovely little boy (which is of course enough) but you guys here have managed to keep my spirits up on many an occasion since this all happened. I appreciate that.

Sugared yes I'm back in my bed now. Thank goodness. That sofa was beginning to give me a neck ache. I'd be lying if I said I'd had a full night sleep but that's only due to little man, nothing bastard shaped, so that's great in itself

Bring on the days he will sleep through the night!

OP posts:
Original poster
Tumbleweeds24 · 06/02/2018 23:17

Yeah that's right Mxy I asked him not to text unless it was about his dad collecting his stuff, he blatantly disregarded that. I didn't respond.

God knows why he thinks I would be interested what he does with his balls now.

He did ask about the registration in an earlier message (there's been a few, the sudden vasectomy lark is only one of them) but I haven't answered.

Not looking forward to admitting I did it without him but who gives a crap what he says any way, he sealed his own fate

OP posts:
Mxyzptlk · 06/02/2018 23:24

You did it without him because you don't trust him. And there's good reason for that.
He's best ignored, you're right.

I'm glad to hear you have a lovely bedroom now. Smile

Kittymum03 · 07/02/2018 02:39

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MyOtherProfile · 07/02/2018 08:00

He wants the snip? To minimise evidence when he next cheats on someone, I guess?

Emboo19 · 07/02/2018 09:24

(there's been a few, the sudden vasectomy lark is only one of them)

Do you want more kids someday Op? I only ask because the vasectomy thing is one of many things my ex has messaged about. In my case I know it’s a try to get back method, he knows I want more kids one day and I’m sure he hoped I’d say don’t do it, which would make him think he’s still got a chance. With mine it’s something new every week and it’s just to get a rise and communication out of me, so definitely start as you mean to go on and ignore him.

Congratulations on your baby boy Flowers

Original poster
Tumbleweeds24 · 07/02/2018 10:15

I don't think his dad is gonna be collecting his stuff anytime soon, I have a feeling he's asked him not to otherwise there's no excuse for it not being done by now. If it drags on for much longer I'll have it delivered to his workplace in a taxi. See how he likes that.

Haven't heard from his dad since he came round last week either.

I think that's bang on about the vasectomy. I do want more children one day, not for a while (at least 5 years) but I do want them. I haven't told him this specifically but it doesn't take a genius to work out. I'm a maternal person, all I've ever wanted was a happy family.

After little man was born he was getting on at me to have a coil fitted, it seems bloody rich now I know what I know.

OP posts:
MachineBee · 07/02/2018 10:34

I would send on his stuff to his workplace now. The arrangement for his father to collect them last week didn’t happen, so you now have the ball in your court. I know it’s an expense, but it truly shows you mean what you say. Plus you free up House and head space in a single move! Wink

Original poster
Tumbleweeds24 · 07/02/2018 10:59

It won't cost me any more than £10 as he works so close, it's worth spending to get him gone.

I've also got a neighbour with a van who might do it for free

OP posts:
Lizzie48 · 07/02/2018 11:04

Brilliant idea, @Tumbleweeds24 you should definitely ask your neighbour. It's time to get him out of your life once and for all.

Weezol · 07/02/2018 11:08

Your neighbour doesn't need to do it for nothing - pay him with the xbox. Bench boy did say you could sell it...

Original poster
Tumbleweeds24 · 07/02/2018 11:37

Aww yes his prized possession insert evil laugh now that's pause for thought! I have the text message saying I can sell it.. hmm..

OP posts:
Original poster
Tumbleweeds24 · 07/02/2018 11:57

Just looked back over our text thread and his wording was "sell what you need to of mine and I'm telling the landlord I want you to keep the deposit not me" so I guess that covers me lol

OP posts:
Jux · 07/02/2018 13:20

Sounds like it. Do it!

SugaredSocks · 07/02/2018 13:37

Send him a text to say that if his stuff isn’t picked up in 24 hours you’ll be taking him at his word and selling all his things for rent money even if you don’t need to as it either means he’ll get it picked up or you’ll have a bit of spare cash for either a rainy day or rent.

NotTheFordType · 07/02/2018 17:12

OP you've been through a huge amount of shit.

However, legally he still has access to the flat if he's named on the tenancy agreement, and he has the right to collect his belongings "within a reasonable time frame".

I would text him and say his DAD has to pick up his belongings by X time on his dad's day off and if that doesn't happen then you'll be disposing of them.

He does sound like a pathetic weasel from everything you've said but I could just imagine his dad trying to rile him up to get you in legal hot water.

From what you've described he sounds very like an ex of mine who was so passive aggressive. He wasn't a narc. But everything was about him and his feelings. Falling asleep while he was supposedly spending time with me. Getting so drunk he passed out and wet the bed (this was a weekly occurrence at one point.)

I once asked him this personality-quiz type question:
You're walking through the desert and you come to a wall. What do you do?

What would your ex's response be?

Original poster
Tumbleweeds24 · 07/02/2018 17:31

I'll try once more to arrange a time for his things to be collected by his dad before I send them to his place of work, I just think he's using his belongings staying here as a foothold to the flat which he probably thinks he will be worming his way back into.

He always used to do the same, fall asleep while he was supposed to be spending time with me. In hindsight the relationship was a bag of shit after the first 6 months when we stopped going on dates regularly.

I have no idea what answer he would give about the desert and the wall to be honest. He would probably say he'd try to break it down, being the big I am that he definitely isn't.

As there's been no violence how can I stop him coming back in here when he decides he's had enough of his dad's sofa?

OP posts:
MachineBee · 07/02/2018 17:44

I think you’re doing great. I’d take legal advice about how to have him removed from your tenancy agreement.

Original poster
Tumbleweeds24 · 07/02/2018 18:13

I'll have a word with my landlord and see what he says, if he doesn't know then I'll go down the solicitor route if only for 30 mins of free advice.

I suspect he's only playing ball and keeping his distance because he thinks I'll change my mind. Once he realises I won't let him move back in he'll probably start with the "it's my flat too" lark.

He's been pestering me for contact but I already made it crystal that I wanted a week or two to clear my head before I consider having him back in here to see his son. It was hard on me last time, even though he was only here 30 mins max I absolutely wasn't ready to be in the same space as him.

The reason I'm being so firm is because I'm scared I'll cave in, which i absolutely do not want to do, so I'm forcing my self to keep the walls in place even though it's hard. I won't allow myself to be made a mug of twice, no matter how lonely I do feel

OP posts:
Mxyzptlk · 07/02/2018 18:47

How about the suggestion from PPs, to meet for contact in a public place, like a library?
But don't be in any rush to arrange it, of course.

If you're afraid you'll cave in, keep the image of that Santa suit at the front of your mind. Yuck!

Original poster
Tumbleweeds24 · 07/02/2018 20:29

A neutral place like that would be better definitely.

I'll keep that image fresh in my mind whenever I feel my self starting to waver, which I haven't yet, but I've had a few moments where I've got worried about if I do.

Nope he's not coming back. Not after that

OP posts:
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