Follow on from my AIBU thread 'to be sad about DP spending Christmas at his exes'

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Had to start a new thread here. I posted in aibu in December as I was 36 weeks pregnant and my partner was spending Xmas at his exes.

I suspected foul play and finally found out today that they slept together on Christmas day, she's now pregnant. He's been lying to us both for months and when I went to speak to his ex in person he's done a runner saying nobody will ever see him again and turned his phone off. He's also fucked me over in not paying the rent.

Currently cradling my 2 week old son wondering wtf I'm going to do.

What a depressing excuse for a human he is.

Oh good god that situation is so stereotypical that it's almost comical. How low is the ex's self esteem if she needs validation from a loser like him?

The only person who comes out of this with any dignity is you, op. Her poor children, all of them.

Indeed. He's an ideal candidate for chemical castration that bloke. According to one of his workmates who is a mutual friend to us both (we used to work together before I changed jobs) he's been crying and inconsolable. Ah well nobody has any sympathy

Well that's all his garbage bagged up and stuck in the storage cupboard out of sight. Happy days

Excellent. What a satisfying end to a horrid week for you. I reckon you should have a lovely relaxing Friday night with your little one and give yourself a big pat on the back. You really have achieved such a lot.

Obviously only upset that he was found out, he's not feeling bad for hurting you. You're doing really well to steer clear of him now, OP.

Thank you :)

I was going to have a large glass of wine but decided against it incase it inspires me to text him and tell him about himself, decided to have a cuppa and catch up with corro instead

Only just caught up, what a tough 4 days you've had

It's been a tough week for sure. The only way is up though, I've got a beautiful little boy and my whole life ahead of me. I think we'll do just fine come what may

You are doing wonderfully Tumble, so so well. What are your plans for the weekend?

It is quite incredible the things people will do when they are desperate to get one up on someone. Sounds like such a knee jerk spiteful reaction but it's completely deranged, who the hell finds out their ex is having a baby with another woman and then almost immediately plots to seduce him and get knocked up herself....she needs her head examining!
I'm assuming in this if she didn't get pregnant the first time it would have been a repeat event until she achieved the desired sperm sample.
It will be sad for the children not to know their half siblings but in reality I cannot see her allowing that sort of contact even if she has been going along with it so far unless it's to fuck with you and rub your face in the pregnancy/their rekindled relationship/whatever bollocks makes people like this tick.
Also you just had a baby, you don't need this shit! Focus on you and your baby and let them make each other miserable for as long as it lasts. If you have to constantly facilitate contact not only with him but with his ex as the mother of the half siblings it's just dragging you back every time. I would wash my hands of all of it, but then I have the tolerance of an angry cobra right now, all the hormones are raging!

Thanks ldnmummy, I'm going to have a bit of a pamper I think. Sort out the dreaded roots and get a trim. Then im going to my aunt's for Sunday dinner :)

Frosty yeah I know that's what I thought too, if it didn't happen straight away she would probably keep initiating sex whenever she could. I'm amazed she fell pregnant after one attempt but then again she clearly timed it perfectly. They both said it was a one off and I'm sure she would relish in telling me otherwise if it wasn't.

I was so certain I wanted our kids to have a relationship asap but now I'm not so sure, is that selfish of me? To be feeling this way since I've found out about the cheating? It's not as though my son is old enough to build a relationship with them yet, when I was pushing for it before it was primarily for their benefit with them being older. I don't think I could stomach play dates with her for a long time if I'm honest.

You wanted the kids to have contact when you though she was a silly drunk lady who made a shitty choice to bang the ex, people make mistakes, she wasn't blameless but he was in the relationship with you not her.
However a new side of her has come to light, a conniving, scheming wench who set out to fuck with your relationship. This in no way excuses his actions but it changes a lot with regards to wanting to interact with her even for your child's benefit.
Given how she controls contact already I don't think there is a chance she will allow all the kids to hang out without her being present, and I personally wouldn't want to leave my child under her supervision even if your stupid ex is there as well. Can you imagine what the other children will be told about your child, can you be sure she wouldn't behave unfairly to your child, it might be unfair of me to think that but she has clearly shown her true colours and they don't suggest that she wouldn't be above taking it out on your kid.
I don't think there is chance in hell she will allow you to have your ex and his other kids over without her being there in some way, and that's just more access to rub your face in it.
Cutting her and sadly her children off removes her sense of pleasure in getting at you.
I think your son will understand when he is older and you explain that you didn't want him exposed to such a toxic person whist he was so young. Let him know he has siblings but that you were not prepared to make him vulnerable in the process of facilitating contact.

Thanks that's cleared up any doubt I have.

I'm not going to pursue contact between them for the foreseeable. If my son wants to meet them when he's older then great, but for now my priority is his wellbeing and as a baby he won't benefit from being dragged through all of this crap.

There's no way I'd leave him alone with her anyway, she's clearly a piece of work as is her ex, I don't want my little boy knowing hostility or being passed around in a filthy flat

Given the timings of the babies involved, I can imagine if they rekindle things (or even if not) that you are set up to look like the 'other woman' to the kids, that's not going to endear your son to his siblings. Even if they don't rekindle things, it imagine it will be portrayed as you being the woman silly daddy got knocked up so mummy had to leave him when she found out even though she was pregnant already.
And you can bet this is the story her mates will hear, how saintly she is being tolerating his love child to have contact with her precious spawn.
Better off him forging his own relationship with them if it ever becomes appropriate, rather than under this nutbags control.

I know right, it's vile how calculating she was about the whole thing. I'm going to sound bitter now and you know what I am, but she's an absolute bloody troll so let me tell you there is nothing remotely sexy about her in a Santa outfit no matter how short/revealing or whatever else.

Yup it's a car crash waiting to happen if I were to stand by my earlier stance about she and i facilitating contact between the kids. Like mentioned it would be my little boy who gets the shit end of the stick and made to look the odd one out. No way am I having that. I'm looking at him in his bouncer as I type this and the thought of him being mistreated, rejected or blamed for any of this is making me so angry.

Fuck her and contact between the kids, until my son is old enough to make his own decision.

Good for you Tumble , now put the Trollop & the Twat out of your mind if you can 😁

( love the word trollop)

Divert yourself with cleansing plans, what could you do with the bedroom to make it a peaceful haven for you? Could your budget run to a new mattress?

Next week it could. It's something I do want to get, I'm resigned to sleeping on the sofa most of the time now and that can't go on forever.

One big positive that's come from all of this is the quality 1 on 1 bonding time me and Toby have had without it being marred with him being here and diverting my attention away from what it should be on, my son.

He amazes me every day, he's my entire world

I wouldn’t worry about a new mattress but a mattress topper or lovely thick blanket laid on the mattress with sheets over the top always make it more snuggly.

Memory foam mattress topper and lovely new bedding!!!

They have memory foam toppers in Lidl atm.

Is owen watching rugby

OH lord I meant to text that to Dd!!!