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Original poster

Follow on from my AIBU thread 'to be sad about DP spending Christmas at his exes'

731 replies

Tumbleweeds24 · 29/01/2018 00:03

Had to start a new thread here. I posted in aibu in December as I was 36 weeks pregnant and my partner was spending Xmas at his exes.

I suspected foul play and finally found out today that they slept together on Christmas day, she's now pregnant. He's been lying to us both for months and when I went to speak to his ex in person he's done a runner saying nobody will ever see him again and turned his phone off. He's also fucked me over in not paying the rent.

Currently cradling my 2 week old son wondering wtf I'm going to do.

OP posts:
DonnyAndVladSittingInATree · 30/01/2018 17:51

Don’t worry, it takes practise to undo the natural instinct to engage with him. You’ll get better at it.

NewSingleMummy · 30/01/2018 18:13

You need to focus on yourself and your baby OP. Block him, his ex and the ex's sister and enjoy being a new mum. You will only have a short time to enjoy this stage of your sons life so try not let it be tainted by this mess your ex has created.

Original poster
Tumbleweeds24 · 30/01/2018 19:08

My little man is definitely my main focus, it's just about getting xp out my head now. It hurts even more hearing everything I've been wanting to hear from him all of this time. I know it's BS though. I'm hurt but not deluded

OP posts:
mamahanji · 30/01/2018 19:19

Tumble you are doing amazingly. It is awful how he is acting. I remember when finally leaving my abusive ex, the things he said to me. I would have given so much to hear him say those things when we were together, and the fact he could only say them when HE needed me to know them to make him look better. That fucking hurt. He could never say it when I needed to hear it but when I left, suddenly he could say it all.

He is absolute scum and honestly thinks anyone is giving him pity...his Dad must be so ashamed of raising such trash.

Original poster
Tumbleweeds24 · 30/01/2018 19:22

All the abusive ones are the same aren't they, it's like they read from a script or were separated at birth!

He kept saying he's not a monster he's a good person he just made a terrible mistake. LOL

OP posts:
mamahanji · 30/01/2018 19:27

Or they all went to scumbag summer camp or something. I love the 'you know I'm not that person. I just messed up.' Nah mate. You are that person. That's why you did it.

Original poster
Tumbleweeds24 · 30/01/2018 20:03

Definitely.

I managed to eat a meal even if it took me half an hour, so I'm not running on empty now at least

Mum and aunty will be here in half an hour with chocolates and soup. Looking forward to a nice hot bath

Baby steps and all that :-)

OP posts:
Graphista · 30/01/2018 20:20

You're NOT weak - you're in an incredibly difficult position less than a month after giving birth. I don't blame you for not wanting to waste energy on yet another argument. So you let him in and let him see his son for a bit.

And he SHOULD pay the rent and support his son anyway.

DextroDependant · 30/01/2018 20:43

Hi @Tumbleweed24 I just wanted to say I remember your previous thread about your older child and all that you have been through. The amazing courage and strength you had to get through that will stand you in good stead to get through this.

You and your baby are going to have a lovely life and I wish you all the best. Take one day at a time and stay strong Flowers

DorynownotFloundering · 30/01/2018 20:45

Aww enjoy your time with mum & aunty, they'll spoil you a bit, & do the chores so you can just sit & cuddle your boy, or have a nice long nap or bath hopefully both knowing there's someone to watch him.

BewareOfDragons · 30/01/2018 21:11

Just read through. Wow.

Stand strong. I'm glad you asked your ex to leave. You don't need to put up with his crap. Do pursue him for CM formally, though. IF not for you, for your baby.

Toby is a lovely name. Congratulations. he's lucky to have you in his corner Flowers

Mxyzptlk · 30/01/2018 21:43

You're doing really well, Tumbleweed.
Whatever he says, remember that he lied to you about so many things, over a long time.
You don't want someone like that.

Original poster
Tumbleweeds24 · 30/01/2018 22:09

Thank you ladies :)

Mum and aunty are here now and i've had a good old rant. I'm glad for the company and once my aunt goes at 11 im gonna have that bath and listen to some music.

People have had his card marked for a long time, they said he was a shitbag from the word go. Silly old me thought i was a great judge of character though, and the sun shone out his backside.

His ex has gone quiet now which I'm pleased about. I've left her unblocked for now for that reason.

OP posts:
AcrossthePond55 · 30/01/2018 23:07

He kept saying he's not a monster he's a good person he just made a terrible mistake

It doesn't matter if he's Beelzebub or the Archangel Gabriel. We do NOT have to take anyone back when they wronged us. It doesn't matter who they are, we don't have to forgive them.

But you know, based on his past behaviour, that he is NOT a 'good man'. He's a shit, pure and simple.

My DH is truly a good man. He's been a good husband and father and has always had my back. But if he cheated on me he would be gone so fast it would make his head spin. Even if he classified it as 'a mistake'. Because I don't have to accept anyone's bad behaviour.

Original poster
Tumbleweeds24 · 30/01/2018 23:21

Agreed definitely. I don't have to accept his shit treatment of me and I won't be doing.

I've actually managed to be happy tonight, spending quality time with my little man and my mum's had me in stitches of laughter. I love her company when she's not drinking.

I may be sad again tomorrow but for now I'm doing ok :)

OP posts:
AcrossthePond55 · 30/01/2018 23:25

I'm glad you and your mum are having a good evening. This is a new day and a new life for you. Maybe it will be one for her, too.

Original poster
Tumbleweeds24 · 31/01/2018 00:30

I really hope so. If she could be like this a couple of times a week I can see myself getting through this mess alot quicker just having her around.

Sometimes you just want your mum don't you

OP posts:
MotherofaSurvivor · 31/01/2018 01:49

Please find a way to tell his ex what he has brought you and said to you! Please do that! She deserves to feel hurt now. Even if it's only small in comparison.

May also make her realise she's fighting a losing battle. Even though you don't want him anyway, I know, but still.

Please tell her this

Original poster
Tumbleweeds24 · 31/01/2018 02:38

He's been texting me saying he wants nothing to do with that baby, he hopes it dies or she has an abortion. All because he resents it and it will forever mind him of how much he's messed up and how he's lost the best person he's ever known, namely me.

Like he thinks being so vile will score him any points or make me happy. Absolutely disgusting and I've told him so. I said he's the worst example of a man and a father and I feel sorry for each and every child he has and has now created.

I've half a mind to send her the screenshots so she can see exactly what she will be taking back when he realises I'm not going to. How he can say those things is beyond me.

Especially after he was stroking her stomach and saying hello in there little man I think you're going to be a boy!

OP posts:
MotherofaSurvivor · 31/01/2018 02:42

Send her them. She needs to know.

Yes it will hurt her feelings, but nothing compared to the next time he hurts her otherwise

FeckTheMagicDragon · 31/01/2018 03:04

I disagree - sending them will ramp up the drama - with you in the middle of it. Block him for now, you are just being pulled back into it all. I think it’s called hovering. You need some mental head space.

IreadMNinaBritishaccent · 31/01/2018 03:05

Stop engaging with him. It's all just drama. Drop him and her out of your life.

AcrossthePond55 · 31/01/2018 05:09

No, don't. Stay as far away from their mess as you can. Your only response to both of them should be "I don't want to be involved. I just want to be left alone to raise my son in peace".

Please stop talking to him. I understand why you are doing it. But it serves no good purpose. It just keeps him thinking that he can wear you down. It's not giving you the headspace to heal and move forward.

Weezol · 31/01/2018 05:32

Please please block them all, on everything for at least 48 hours. You need to take a step back and process all that has happened.

iMatter · 31/01/2018 06:42

Stop. Engaging. With. Him.

Please OP, walk away from him and this ridiculous, puerile nonsense.

I'm sorry to say this but It's beginning to look like you are enjoying the drama.

Walk away while you can.