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Original poster

Follow on from my AIBU thread 'to be sad about DP spending Christmas at his exes'

731 replies

Tumbleweeds24 · 29/01/2018 00:03

Had to start a new thread here. I posted in aibu in December as I was 36 weeks pregnant and my partner was spending Xmas at his exes.

I suspected foul play and finally found out today that they slept together on Christmas day, she's now pregnant. He's been lying to us both for months and when I went to speak to his ex in person he's done a runner saying nobody will ever see him again and turned his phone off. He's also fucked me over in not paying the rent.

Currently cradling my 2 week old son wondering wtf I'm going to do.

OP posts:
DeadButDelicious · 30/01/2018 09:54

As a Mother, I would never ever deny my child's existence and simply could not understand why OP had done.

You don't have to understand it. What you do have to get though is if the OP thought it was relevant to current events she would of brought it up herself. I agree with a PP that you are coming across as unkind with statements like this.

OP, I've read through both of your threads and think you are doing really well keeping a level head through all of this. Chin up. You've got this.

MotherofaSurvivor · 30/01/2018 09:57

There's nothing to 'stop' or to stick up for, I was just stating my reasons for why I asked what I asked. Like I said, there are a lot of trolls on here that waste our time!

Anyway 🙄

OP, just reply to her message and say that you stand by what you said about texting and state that if he's refusing to socialise with her now then maybe she should reflect on her own homewrecking actions! She knew about you when she slept with him! You haven't gone mental with her over that. Tell her perhaps she should take a page out of your book and choose the moral high ground! He is no longer of your concern and neither is whether he wants to chat with her about the weather or such like!

Then block them both. And concentrate on your own life.

Original poster
Tumbleweeds24 · 30/01/2018 10:25

I think she's only continuing to message me because she sees me as a link. If he won't speak to her I'm probably in her mind the next best thing. She is saying that he doesn't get to dictate any terms and it's up to her when he sees the kids and what she messages him saying and she needs to be able to contact him in every way, it's not acceptable for him to say she can't text or WhatsApp him and must only call him regarding the kids or if it's urgent.

I told her it's nothing to do with me anymore, then I got a message from the sister saying if he wants to try and stop contact with his ex and go to court then his ex has won because she (the sister) has accused him of assault and given her age, 17 I think, she's considered to be a child.

It's become all about the fact she doesn't want him to stop texting her now, wtf has that got to do with co parenting.

They are all barking mad

OP posts:
DearMrDilkington · 30/01/2018 10:28

Block the lot of them. You don't need this drama.

MidnightAura · 30/01/2018 10:32

She doesn’t want him to stop texting her because she enjoys having him in her life and she probably enjoys the drama.

Block them OP. Keep your chin up.

Original poster
Tumbleweeds24 · 30/01/2018 10:34

I'm going to. He's a lying cheating SOAB who isnt worthy of breathing the same air as me but she's providing herself to be just as obsessed with him as I suspected in the beginning. A normal person with no agenda would be only too happy to keep contact brief short and child focussed.

It sounds to me as though she thought this baby would give her more of a hold over him but me finding out and kicking him to the curb has had the opposite effect as he's prioritising trying to worm his way back in with me, over reconciling with her.

He used her for sex like the pig that he is and now is blaming her for the impact it's had on me and him. I feel sorry for that new baby because it doesn't look like the poor mite is being born into the situation that she imagined

OP posts:
DearMrDilkington · 30/01/2018 10:38

I think your probably right tumble, however she probably knows he'll be back once he realizes you won't take him in.

DorynownotFloundering · 30/01/2018 10:39

Agree with above, distance yourself from the whole mess of drama llamas.

Maybe not block totally ( although tempting) bc you would like the kids to know each other.

If she texts again just tell her that for your own piece of mind, you'd rather not talk about him as you are still really upset about his behaviour & don't want to keep opening up old wounds.

Keep any replies non commital & don't rush to reply if you are not in the mood.
Disengage & focus on your lovely boy & your new life without shitface.

ItsNachoCheese · 30/01/2018 10:40

Jesus what a cunt of a man. Flowers for you op

DorynownotFloundering · 30/01/2018 10:41

Sorry xposted with your last, you do whatever you need to do for your peace of mind- you're right she sounds obsessed with him so she can have him!

Original poster
Tumbleweeds24 · 30/01/2018 10:55

It's such a drain especially when I'm not able to eat and sleep adequately. I managed about half a serving of a cottage pie last night and that's it, even that I had to practically force down me.

It's days like today that make me really wish he hadn't done it more than ever. Those extra few hours of sleep and time to take care of my own needs while he took the weight off with my son, really made all the difference to my overall wellbeing.

I've been tempted to ask him to mind baby so I can get some proper rest, catch up on housework and prepare some meals, but I know he's going to start with the grovelling and I don't want to hear it.

It's a huge shame he's the cause of all of this because I don't really have anyone else who will come and do what he used to do. My aunt would visit for a chat and a bit of support if I asked her but she doesn't know the first thing about babies and doesn't want to do things like feeds and changes with him being so young.

You know when you're that stressed and and drained you feel physically detached, kind of like spaced out and fatigued? That's the best way to describe how I feel at the minute.

OP posts:
harrietm87 · 30/01/2018 10:58

OP you've just had a baby!!! You'd be exhausted at the best of times, never mind all this.

Don't give in. Cut him and the rest of them out. You need time and space away from all the drama to enjoy your son and look after yourself.

DonnyAndVladSittingInATree · 30/01/2018 11:03

I’ve been there. Yes it’s tough but you absolutely can manage alone. You don’t need him. You know any request for help from you will be used by him to weasel his way back in. Remember this.

Kittymum03 · 30/01/2018 11:08

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
Tumbleweeds24 · 30/01/2018 11:09

I haven't caved, I rang my mum and aunt and asked them to come round tonight. My mum's going to stay over and my aunt's going to sit with us for a few hours so I can get it all out of my system.

I was surprised to hear mum sober and she said she hasn't drank in two days since my aunt told her what's happened, just incase I needed her. I believe that as when I called her in the middle of the night after it happened she was awake and sober, having spoke to my aunt.

That's not like my mum recently, I'm used to her being more selfish.

She knows how to meet babies basic needs, when sober of course, so I'm pretty sure she can be trusted to change a nappy and watch him in between feeds. That's something right?

OP posts:
Original poster
Tumbleweeds24 · 30/01/2018 11:10

I haven't heard of homestart kitty that sounds like a really good thing. I'm going to Google and see whether its accessible from where I am

OP posts:
Kittymum03 · 30/01/2018 11:18

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

DonnyAndVladSittingInATree · 30/01/2018 11:22

And make sure you’re getting out of the house OP. Get in touch with friends. Go to the park, go for coffee. Distract yourself and make sure you aren’t sitting at home thinking about him and his ex. Get on with your life. They’re gone now. You need to start building a life for yourself now.

Coastalcommand · 30/01/2018 11:32

I found homestart really helpful too. Are there also any free baby groups in your area? It’s great to meet other mums and children and build a support network.

Graphista · 30/01/2018 11:44

Mother - I agree I think it was out of order to raise op's first child, it bears no relation to this thread and troll hunting isn't allowed anyway. Also we have no "right" to ask ANYTHING, we can ask but op can choose whether and how to answer. To keep on about this is showing you in a very poor light. You REALLY need to DROP IT now!

Op - the ex is pissed off that even though you and ds' dad have split he doesn't want to be with her. NOT your problem. Leave the whole lot of em to it and focus on you and ds.

FizzyGreenWater · 30/01/2018 11:46

Mother appears to have dropped it quite a while ago from what I can see Hmm

EmyRoo · 30/01/2018 11:49

Are you taking vitamins and iron? Iron deficiency can lead to fatigue, and while it is likely that this stress and a new baby is exhausting you, it would do no harm to take supplements. I don’t know if you get them on the NHS as a new mum, but most supermarkets will sell iron and vitamin supplements quite cheaply.

Also, rest when baby sleeps - I know you pride yourself on a nice house, but you need rest. Your mum and aunt can help with tidying. Your mum will always be your mum and maybe this is the chance she needs to be a good one. Let them both look after you for a bit Flowers

SherbertLemon2011 · 30/01/2018 11:49

Well done for caving!!! ☺️

I know that your auntie isn't baby focused but do you think you could ask her to do a load of washing up and make you all cups of tea... Things like that? I have a friend who wouldn't know what to do with a baby but would want to be helpful and so would put dc in a pram and walk for 30 minutes or do something like bring over cake and do the washing up.

I'm really crossing my fingers for you that your mum was sincere in what she said and that she pulls through for you.

All the people associated with your ex sound draining. I found the first few months with a baby so tiring, you need contact with people who boost you up, not bring you down with their dramas

SherbertLemon2011 · 30/01/2018 11:51

I meant well done for not caving!!! Blush

Original poster
Tumbleweeds24 · 30/01/2018 12:29

I'm not taking any vitimins but I do have some left over from when I was pregnant, the ones you get from the midwife. Would they be of any use? I could buy some others if not.

My aunt would definitely help with the housework, making tea and what not. She's a good person she will do what she can, I just think she's a bit nervous at the prospect of looking after such a young baby lol shes ridiculously clumsy bless her.

Imagine creating and having a baby out of spite. Imagine being that messed up you think that's ok or a good idea. Wow.

OP posts: