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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Being touched intimately without expecting it

138 replies

Wtfdoicare · 26/01/2018 18:16

Does anyone else hate it? DH grabbed my boob in bed last night as I was trying to get to sleep and I reacted crossly. He was joking about after watching something about it on TV (he doesn't have form for this, honestly). He didn't understand why I didn't like it.

OP posts:
cherryontopp · 26/01/2018 18:20

Have you told him before you don't like it?

Original poster
Wtfdoicare · 26/01/2018 18:21

I suppose I haven't, but seems pretty obvious to me that it is not pleasant if not expected.

OP posts:
Myddognearlyatethedeliveryman · 26/01/2018 18:22

Quick twist of his testicles tonight should sort it out.

anaisfinn123 · 26/01/2018 18:24

Don't worry, it is completely normal. I sometimes feel like it, it doesn't mean anything to worry about, you just like to have a bit of privacy. Wink

cherryontopp · 26/01/2018 18:47

Well there you go then, tell him you don't like it. Hows he to know u dont like it?

Me and my partner have a cheeky innocent grab/grope eachother and shrug eachother off. If i told him i didnt like it, he would stop.

Offred · 26/01/2018 19:05

Eh? Why do people have to warn their partners they don’t like being groped unexpectedly?!?!

The groper is meant to ensure the gropee is receptive not the other way round!

OP have you asked him why he thought you would like it?

cherryontopp · 26/01/2018 19:20

So a husband grabs his wife's boob in a joking way, he didn't know she doesnt like as shes never told him and now he's made out to be some sort of sex pest Confused

Tell him you don't like it, if he does it again then its an issue and take it from there

Imagine123 · 26/01/2018 19:30

I think dome men presume they have consent! Mine did it alot even though he knew i didn't like it. In the end, i changed privately and locked the bathroom door. He used to come in and grab my boobs while i was in the bath otherwise. He just felt so entitled but it made me feel like a piece of meatConfused.
He said it was weird that i had a problem with it as we were intimate with each other at other times!
If your dh carries on doing it, i can see why you'd have a problem with it.

ThisLittleKitty · 26/01/2018 20:29

I do wonder what the worlds coming to some times! Soon we're going to have to ask for consent for every move we make. Partners don't normally ask is it ok to kiss you? Yes that it ok. Is it ok to touch you? Yes it's ok. It's all a bit much. If you don't like it tell him but this constant need to check about every move is really going far. So if he leaned in to kiss you would that be bad as he hadn't asked if it was ok first? It if he tried to initiate sex would he have to ask permission first? Surely you just tell him no if your not in the mood. Probably not a popular opinion but there you go.

cherryontopp · 26/01/2018 20:44

Totally agree Kitty!

He didnt know she doesnt like it and she's never told him that it bothers her.

If he done it repeatedly after being told, thats another issue for another thread.
This thread is making an issue over nothing.

onemorecupofcoffeefortheroad · 26/01/2018 20:46

Absolutely thislittlekitty I agree.
The world has gone mad

I actually like it when my partner grabs me unexpectedly - I like physical contact - I like to feel desirable.
I do appreciate some people might not feel like this but it doesn't make the 'grabber' a sex pest.

Noextremes2017 · 26/01/2018 21:05

Three sensible posts in a row. Possibly a Mumsnet record?

Cricrichan · 26/01/2018 21:08

I bloody hate being touched intimately when I'm not expecting it or doing other stuff. It's annoying and very unsexy. My boobs especially.

ThamesRiver · 26/01/2018 21:11

Three sensible posts in a row. Possibly a Mumsnet record?

True dat

babycow38 · 26/01/2018 21:17

You were in bed and your partner grabbed your boob and you were offended??? Surely if you're not in the mood just tell him, it's not a bloody crime OP, you are in a sexual relationship I presume, honestly it's all getting a bit much now, he was just probably trying to get it on, if you were not in the mood just tell him, if you are enjoy,strewth!!!

SkaPunkPrincess · 26/01/2018 21:21

This pisses me right off. It's always when I'm falling asleep or washing up or cleaning the bathroom and it just makes me think 'will you fuck off I'm doing something/sleeping' never when we 're chilling together. It's like a 3rd toddler sometimes wanting my attention. I mean I just want to get the shot jobs done I don't want to stop halfway through for a smooch and a grope!

SkaPunkPrincess · 26/01/2018 21:22

shit*

Bumdishcloths · 26/01/2018 21:50

Fucks sake, what a palaver Hmm

Chippyway · 26/01/2018 21:55

Wow my partner must be an absolute sex pest because he does it all the time and I actually find it funny

What’s the problem?

If you really don’t like it then err tell him??

LinoleumBlownapart · 26/01/2018 22:12

What is he struggling to understand? My DH wouldn't try a boob honk if he wanted sex, he usually does it when he's messing about, which doesn't bother me, but it would bother me if did it when I was trying to get to sleep.

I think people are missing the point a bit, if he didn't "understand", does that mean he wants to do it and he wants you to like it. In which case I agree with myddog, quick twist of the testicles and see how he likes them apples!

frasersmummy · 26/01/2018 22:33

seriously I think people need to grow up. You are in bed together as husband and wife and your husband makes a sexual advance ... isnt that normal behavior??

i can understand his confusion .. surely its part of a healthy happy marriage. Maybe I'm old fashioned!

Maatsuyker · 26/01/2018 22:46

I don't think that your husband needs to ask formally if he can touch you every single time. Can't you just tell him no when he does it and it isn't welcome? Or instruct him how you like things to happen? Like a hug first and a kiss before he tries anything else?

ChangChang · 26/01/2018 22:50

XP had a habit of 'going for the grab' rather than anything more gently suggestive to test the waters, as it were. General affection was severely lacking, so moves like that just felt like too big a step when he felt like having sex. If you have a generally affectionate / intimate relationship then a boob grab may not feel 'wrong' but out of the blue, just because he feels like sex is another matter... So, depends on the context really, and whether it felt disrespectful, I feel...

cheeseismydownfall · 26/01/2018 22:50

It's absolutely fine for you not to like it. Personally I don't like like jokey gropes at my breasts AT ALL and my DH doesn't do it. But, as this thread shows, other people have no issue with it whatsoever, and if your partner didn't know your feelings then I really don't think he did anything particularly terrible.

If he carries on doing it, that is completely different and a massive issue imo.

Sparklemummyx0x0x · 26/01/2018 22:57

So a husband and wife are in bed, have had/are in a healthy sexual relationship where sex or intimate situations have occurred previously, I'm sure numerous times.

The husband is feeling frisky or just wants to touch his wife because he finds her attractive and instead of just saying "sorry love I'm not in the mood tonight" or "can you not just grab my boob,I'd rather you don't do it" or whatever, she is completely offended by her husbands actions.
Suddenly it's abuse, it's sexual assault
It's a complete overreaction.

My mum and dad are always slapping each other's bums, it's spontaneous, it's finding each other attractive. They just laugh it off.