Being touched intimately without expecting it

[Wtfdoicare]

Does anyone else hate it? DH grabbed my boob in bed last night as I was trying to get to sleep and I reacted crossly. He was joking about after watching something about it on TV (he doesn't have form for this, honestly). He didn't understand why I didn't like it.

I agree absolutely with your last post.

If your partner is in the process of falling asleep, would it not be sensible to use your words to express and interest in having sex and ascertain whether it’s reciprocated?

Because, setting aside all issues of consent (important though they are), being bothered when you’re trying to fall asleep is very annoying.

What differentname said.

@UnimaginativeUsername It seems expecting a married man to use words is such a massively onerous burden that if we do then it will victimise men, heterosexual relationships will be impossible, the world will go mad and the human race will end....

Other things married men shouldn’t be expected to do; understand body language, use common sense, control themselves, understand how to establish whether there is consent, respect their wife’s bodily autonomy, care about their wife’s feelings...

Apparently so, Offred.

It stems from the attitude that women have to 'service' their men when they need it. My DM's advice to me when struggling with sexual problems with my DH because of past SA was, 'Lie down and think of England.' Thankfully, my DH didn't have any interest in having sex with me if I wasn't fully able to cope with it, and was insulted by her comment when I told him.

That's what men who love and respect their wives should be like.

People just can’t see (or don’t want to see) how the culture of Male entitlement they themselves perpetuate and reinforce directly relates to the awful things that happen to so many, many women every single day. What an absolute travesty. I’m ashamed to share my womanhood with some of you.

I would also like to point out something I noticed in the OP upon re-reading it:

‘He was joking around after watching something about it on television’ (paraphrased).

Watching something about what? Grabbing at women’s boobs? There are few contexts in which that would be discussed without it having been non-consensual. I’d be interested to know what exactly it was he was ‘joking around’ about.

@Lizzie48, fair enough.

Reading this thread is bringing up horrible memories for me. My husband used to tell me to turn off the radio, to stop talking, to move this bit of me or that bit. There were more than enough times that I felt like a sex toy or prostitute or thing. It was always the way. Right at the beginning, I thought of all the things he wasn't, rather than what he was.

I didn't recognise his behaviour as sexual assault. He told me he would stop if I said, and that he wouldn't hurt me

I am so glad I started this thread. So many thoughtful and differing opinions, and some quite shocking.

I was missing a couple of details in my OP. It was a grab out of the blue that was meant to be messing around, nothing sexual in it, apart from where it obviously was.

@HolgerDanske I wasn't paying attention to the TV programme that he was referring to so I can't add any details there (and really don't want to bring it up with him again), but a boob grab was apparently discussed on the programme, hence why he did it. When I exclaimed and pushed him away he was upset and confused why. Regardless of whether I'd seen the programme I still don't appreciate the way it was done and am not into jokey or otherwise grabs of sexual parts of my body without consenting in advance, in which case, it would probably be in relation to foreplay or sex. Hopefully after 22 years of being together he is clear about that now and like I said, is generally respectful towards my wishes, thank goodness.

Huh. Apparently the first grope is a freebie, as long as you haven't told someone on advance that you dislike unexpected random gropings.

Good to know.

I’m glad he is generally respectful!

Has he elaborated on what was going through his mind and why he thought it would be ok?

I’m glad he is generally respectful!

Has he elaborated on what was going through his mind and why he thought it would be ok?