Dealing with BIGOTED opinions of bf 🙄

[Belle356]

Hi everyone

I’m really struggling with something and I would love some advice if anyone has a moment...

I’m two months pregnant with my boyfriend of two and a half years. We live together and he has an 8 year old son from his previous marriage who we see every Wednesday and every other weekend.

Now that I’m pregnant I’m so keen to move on and focus on a happy life together and make our family work. However, my boyfriend keeps dropping bombs that i simply can’t ignore. Some examples: Once in an big argument he was totally racist about my Jewish ex-husband. He never apologised or tried to take it back.
Earlier today he commented on a lady on the tv’s clothes, saying she shouldn’t wear that dress as it made her ‘Tits look saggy’ (literally didn’t though) and her boyfriend should have told her not to wear it as she looked pregnant. 😡
Just now, while sitting down to do his sons homework, he said it didn’t matter if he did what was instructed or not. I argued that it might be a better idea to encourage him to follow the instructions his teachers set and do it properly and he stroppily said ‘No, he should do it how I said, it’s more important to be fun...’ I said we could make it fun and do it properly, but he got annoyed and said that it didn’t matter what the teachers thought- they were stupid and that’s why they’re only teachers. I mean what the hell kind of attitude is that!!

These fundamental differences in opinions worries me that I just shouldn’t be with him. My mum was a teacher and I’m deeply offended by the things he says. He has lots of redeeming features of course, but if his views are so bigoted, how can I get past them? I can’t dictate what he says around his own son, but I wouldn’t want my child around that kind of attitude. He thinks the gender pay gap is justified too and doesn’t listen to my opposing view and just says I don’t understand business. So frustrating, what can I do?! Any advice on how to approach the subject?

Thank you!

OP
Basically a loving relationship should NOT be this much of a hassle.
An ongoing hassle.

HE IS ABUSING YOU.

Mentally, emotionally & financially.

Life should be better than this for you & the DC, it CAN be.

You deserve better than this, honestly you do.

Please confide in the MW.

"I feel like I’m so annoying and daren’t tell him how I really feel because I’ll just be carrying on and nagging. He said today that I feel distant and he doesn’t understand why. I don’t want to explain it all over again, what’s the point."
Belle that's what his arguing technique is meant to do - make you feel that you DAREN'T tell him how you feel, to the point where you cease to offer any opinion that you suspect he will not wholeheartedly agree with. It is meant to grind you down. I very much doubt that you are annoying.

And if you feel distant to him today, it's probably because you haven't fallen into line quite as fast as you normally do. You're not quite so compliant as before , because you are THINKING about your situation, and starting to see it for what it is. Perhaps if he doesn't want you to be distant, he should stop working so hard at driving you away.

I hope your midwife appointment went well.
((hugs))