Oldbook
When I read about your male friend I sometimes think of mine too..
I don't pay too much attention as he's very subtle in telling how he feels but I suspect its similar situation ,just in reverse.
I met him on dating site about 5 years ago ,never met him as hes in London and I'm in Leeds. He was going through hard times financially so was unable to travel,we agreed to be friends. Wed discuss anything and everything,but sometimes he'd put a flirty or sexual remark in.One time I was annoyed and told him off about it,as we are just friends and friends don't do it.He stopped until last October-so for over 3 years.
October was a very confusing month for me relationship wise,felt unloved and down. One flirty compliment from him brought a conversation on,when he basically admitted he fancied me all these years (we never actually met in person-it just wasn't my priority),that I had huge effect on him emotionally and so on. And I thought why not to try and explore if it would lead to anything-friends,FWB,distant relationship,I was open to it but I think I just felt vulnerable at the time .
We agreed we meet up when I'm next in London for a concert,date was set,I was meant to travel. I was having doubts anyway but thought we need to explore . Communications between us became rare,less frequent-I admit I half-consciously tried to put distance between us.
Anyway concert trip was cancelled due to friend unable to go,and I admit how rude of me,I forgot to tell him as he wasn't messaging in last few days.
On the day in question he texted saying he's got a bad cold but still willing to meet up for couple of hours.
I knew I wasn't coming to London but somehow to me it sounded lacking effort from his side,as if he'd rather be at home then arrange a proper date (very selfish off me ).
So I told him lets not do that again and leave the subject of dating fr good.He seemed visibly upset and went NC with me .Only contacted me back on NY to wish me happy NY.
We picked up straight away as far as friendship concerned , I told him absolutely everything about my NC and my 1 year NC ,but we only managed to have a conversation about us on Sunday.
Apparently he was really looking forward to see me,got a present ready for me and everything(I feel like a complete cow now) and upset I didn't let him know I wasn't coming .He analysed in his head every possible outcome (he didn't say what he thought) but basically if we'd had sex,hed still be my friend exactly same way as he is now and he values our friendship so much,hed never hurt me and would never upset me.
I said if we would end up sleeping together ,things would never be the same as in I wouldn't be able to discuss my personal life with him same as now,and he said then its a good outcome we didn't meet up and didn't hook up because he concerned I don't have a friend to discuss things with (shoulder to cry on).
I said we should have discussed all this earlier as I want to know what he thinks,does he fancy me still ,does he have feelings for me?
He said it doesn't matter he has feelings(basically he didn't deny but not said anything definitive) and he wouldn't want to get into long distant relationship and I shouldn't see it as if hes not willing to put effort in.
The truth is for me I'm becoming encreasingly uncomfortable to discuss my personal life with him -ie who I kissed,who I slept with and if I didn't have sex and whys that. As to me it feels he does want to be more intimate (not sure what though?)
I have been avoiding messaging him since Sunday night as I'm not sure what to talk about now.
Ladies what do you think? Should I be more careful ,shoul I put distance in or should I meet up with him? I'm confused