I’ve not checked in for a few days now, sorry ladies. I’m on day 12 this morning. But I found the weekend, my mind was feeling stronger and clearer and I didn’t want to focus on the NC. I’m questioning whether I’m putting too much energy into him by doing so. So I didn’t check in. Then it all came down yesterday when I had to see him in work again. It was fine really, remained NC. He was being loud, jokey, basically making it clear how happy he is now I’m out of his life for good. It really got to me. I considered sending him a message to ask if he could make it less apparent - is that unreasonable? I messaged a friend instead, who encouraged me to ride it out.
Why does it bother me that he is happier? I think I’m happier. I am still grieving all those lost dreams, all the what ifs, but I’m in a better place away from him as I’m putting the responsibility for my happiness back in my own hands. Maybe it makes me feel like I was unloved. That it was all a lie? I don’t know.
So I’ve woken at ridiculous o clock this morning and can’t get back to sleep. Instead I’m trying to sit in this place of feelings. I don’t know what a lot of the feelings are though. Sadness, missing him, wanting to be out of the woods, and also just this feeling of something not sitting right in me, and I don’t understand this one. I’m scared I’ll never be loved.
I’ve tried to have a good read over the last few pages. Tiru please don’t send the message when you’re past 4 weeks. He will know you don’t want contact by this point, and hopefully won’t contact you again until your feelings have subsided. Contacting him to make him aware of something that he will already know from your actions will open you up to new hurts and vulnerability.
rhubarb excellent work getting to 32 days. This is a huge achievement and you’ve done so well. 30 days is going to be a landmark for me - so much so that I’ve marked the day in my calendar!
I’m hoping that by 60 I will be ready to stop counting, but working with him makes me feel that this may take longer.
Well done appella on day 9
theParting welcome to the thread 😊. It is the milestone everyone dreads isn’t it? An ex moving on. Try to put all your energy into yourself and what makes you feel better now, and take it away from him. Easier said than done I know...but the basics first, eat, sleep, cry when you need to cry, exercise and look after your body and your mind will slowly follow.
oldbook I completely relate to feeling fine and then being floored. Do you think that it may just be the newness of the situation and change to the relationship that’s causing you to feel off about the dates?
all round x