NC Dignity Club Pt 4: The Only Way Is Up

[Basseting]

Welcome to the No Contact Dignity Club Part 4

If you are aiming for it, trying to maintain it, being 'offered' it, coming back to it... NC support is here!

Thanks Itsa yes definitely way too soon.

Rhubarb sounds like you're back in control again now

Enniroc I hate that nervous swirling feeling. It took me by complete surprise today.

Oldbook I participate in conversations in a very similar way. When he had a brief split with his gf I gave him advice etc. I'm my own worst enemy.

I've made a decision not to go anyway just on case he does turn up. He wouldn't expect me to be there and I don't want him to think I'm trying to see him. It's too raw

Omfg do not only do I have to deal with my relationship failings but I also have to deal with my exh refusing to talk to my autistic 16 y/i ds because he's offended that ds has been a bit blunt about birthday arrangements. Apparently exh thought it appropriate to ignore ds16 but talk to my other two and then wonder why that caused a problem?

I'm so fucking fed up of being piggy in the middle.

My ex doesn't have to like or agree with ds16 but to stonewall him but continue to talk to my other two is utterly shit.

No wonder I ended up back in bed with my ex dp

Sorry. Just utterly fed up with everything. Doing the right thing whilst everyone else just does what they like is so hard.

Close to the edge here.

ginger it sounds like you're having a really, really bad day. How do you normally cope when exh is being an arse? Can you normally rise above it but can't today due to the escapade with nc? I know my tension levels were up after the weekend seeing my nc. If that is it then just try to ride it out. I presume you always causes such grief and you have generally found a way to deal with it. It is hard dealing with the 2 issues on top of each other. Tomorrow will be a new day. Hang in there.

Exh causes grief not you....that sounded like I was saying you cause your grief. I hope you realised it was a typo auto correct and not Me being a completely insensitive idiot!

Ginger sounds like an incredibly hard day. How can we help?

My ds(16) is autistic. Relationship with his dad has never been great. He's v black and white. I struggle but I understand and manage because I live with him but exh (and his gf) have not got the level of interaction I do and act with impatience or anger which is ultimately detrimental.

I'm no pushover and I don't let things slide but I know ds's triggers and can see his hurt.

Exh in the other hand just sees ds as being disrespectful and rude (yes it looks like this but there are ways of illucitingvthe response you need, you just have to know how to unlock it).

Exh idea us just to ignore him.

I don't get much time to myself.

I had hoped that things were improving with ds and exh but this shit keeps happening and I have to keep mopping up the mess.

I just feel utterly beaten by everything right now.

ginger can you spin it like well if you find it difficult to handle your son... or about what his son thinks? I do that to my NotyetexH. If he thinks it is not for me but more about him looking bad or failing to cope. So sorry he thought that was acceptable to ignore your DS. Was your DS upset?

Enn and Nk the swirling feeling nearly made me choke on pure air going to meet my NC. Then drop everything etc.

NK good decision not to go.

Oldbrook am with you if they are horrible or nice it can be bad. Same as if they look good or bad. You do not need to be his sounding board but glad that he did wish you luck. When will you hear about your thing?

Yes. DS cried on my shoulder.

Ginger you sound like you desperately need a break. Can exH take the kids for a couple of nights and can you have a girlie weekend away? You sound very stressed. It would be good to clear your head. One of DC is on the spectrum so I know what you mean when you talk about black and white

Evening Anxious how are you?

ginger that's so hard xx

Aww ginger bless you and your DS. Agree with NK is there any chance if some you time?

Hi NK I am ok thanks. Still didn't contact NClookalike or NC. 20 days I think I read another thread about love bombing and then just discarding... am starting to think that is what hapoened with my trueNC. Or maybe not. Just because he was so nice. How are you tonight?

tiru glad you didn't send reply. I too have so many drafts. My poor friends had to read and talk me down. The initial relief you get from sending them is only very very brief.

jesus 4 days?! Cheeky sod doesn't deserve a reply

ifyouregoingthroughhell love you poem! Really so fitting for this thread.

ice glad you feel he no longer needs the attention.

I'm so ill... I'm getting nothing done in readiness for the weekend... I had an irritating tiny person in my bed all night... And on top of all that I've had to treat all three kids AND myself for fucking head lice....

Oh headlice joys!
I'm afraid we all have to go through it at least once in our lives, it's very unpleasant though. We had it twice when kids were in primary school 😣

I'm completely confused about my situation. Entered NC with one SO, now I'm on 3 NC: Original married NC, 1 YEAR NC that didn't want me TWICE ( is he enjoing rejecting me?) and expartner whos mother passed away.None of them are good for me and it's not getting easier because just too many of them and I'm alone 😁

Anxious might look into lovebombing and then discarding as it feels like that might have happened to me.

Enniroc don't envy you with the dreaded headlice. We had them during the summer. I found a nit comb and cheap conditioner was the best thing to work.

Teens - 3 of them sounds like a right headache. It must be exhausting trying to deal with that

Oldbook I think because he specifically asked again you probably softened and thought he wanted to spend the entire evening with you. You were indeed allocated a time slot with him and he is being at best insensitive or at worst an absolute ass.

My advice is that you're not ready to have a friendship with him, not because of anything you've done but because he is missing a sensitivity chip and doesn't respect or value your feelings at all.

Well done for not going

Checking in for Day 23. Now I've slept on it I'm glad I've made the decision not to go to the event. It's way too soon for me.

Read idealise/devalue/discard. I don't think that happened to me. I think the accidental meeting took us both by surprise and old feelings came to the surface. He dealt with it by wanting to meet for sex and I pulled back. It was only ever going to go 2 ways. Meet up and rekindle or go our separate ways.