How does it feel to feel nothing ?
I wonder what you would look like if you hadn’t read the book,
If you hadn’t studied everyone, and how you’re supposed to look.
How to look hurt, when really you’re burning with anger,
How to cry until you vomit to convince real emotion.
You can keep it up for so long, around people that don’t care,
But meet someone that loves you, they’ll analyse you bare.
All the inconsistencies, all the mimicked emotions,
Live with someone day in day out, invade their whole life,
They’ll see through the mask, slowly slipping.
They’ll try to make you stay,
Just one more day,
Surely you have a heart and soul,
They saw it, they’re sure they did,
Just a glimpse, just for a moment.
No-one has no soul,
They won’t believe they just danced with the devil,
You told them who you were,
They knew who you were,
Their perfect storm, their worst nightmare.
But they were different from all the others you’d danced with,
You wouldn’t hurt them,
You promised.
You wanted, needed to change, and they could help you.
The only one that could help you.
You made them feel indispensible, and them to you.
Then the mask is off and you take you’re overwhelming presence , and you run.
Run as fast as you can
Leaving them bereft, distraught, traumatised.
They knew what you were, they knew it was always going to happen,
Though the shock is all consuming.
The hole left in their life feels infinite..
What was fake and what was real? They will never know.
Nor will you our kid. Nor will you.