NC Dignity Club Pt 4: The Only Way Is Up

[Basseting]

Welcome to the No Contact Dignity Club Part 4

If you are aiming for it, trying to maintain it, being 'offered' it, coming back to it... NC support is here!

Another one here Basseting who thinks your second draft is better otherwise you're leaving the door open. However, are you sure you even want to maintain the friendship? He's already blurred the lines so won't it be difficult to go back from this. I do have a couple of married male friends and see them without their wives but if they sent me messages like this I don't think I could keep the friendship as I would think they were being very disloyal to their wife and I would be distrustful of their motives.

teens you're getting a collection of them. I wonder if there's a plural for ncs like there are for different types of animals...a pride of lions, a gaggle of geese...a prickles of ncs..or something like that. I'm sure you can think of something wittier. Where do you meet them? I am not ready yet but wondering how I would go about meeting someone when I am ready, if I ever will be again.

Why will next week be harder oldbook? I am now on day 10 since the horrid meet up. Still up and down emotionally for me.

Eww Basset, he is definitely pushing it and now backtracking. I think your final draft sounds good - if you want to remain in contact with him.

My day has been pants. Had an upset stomach all morning but dragged myself to work. Now it's hit me I've fucked something up that will probably take me the majority of tomorrow morning to go back and fix. The past few days are really showering me with pleasantries.

Evening/Morning all. Crazy day at work but brain is in a fog. Basseting he is definitely after either an emotional or physical affair. When my guy was sending me stuff I just said You have a gf and that calmed him down.

Glad to hear you're feeling good Oldbook. You most certainly are in control now and I think it suits You!

Teens nc with 3 of them. That's incredibly hard. One is bad enough for me.

Itsa sorry to hear you are up and down. Can we help?

I'm so tired from work tonight but the distraction was a welcome to be honest. This full moon has me antsy and wanting to make contact but I won't. Feeling meh about him today cos I really want to know what he thinks of me.

Coffee so sorry you've had a bad day. Try and enjoy your evening. Tomorrow is another day

Itsa
I know,a collection is in the making lol
I wish I could tell it's all lions but more likely a zoo made out of a tiger, monkey and a horse!
It's all OLD .Maybe I should come off it as collection may increase if I keep meeting new animals 😂 and turning them into donkeys!

NK NC is godsent, otherwise I'd go mental dealing with pain and hurt from 3 of them, they keep appearing and disapearing in my life,as if they are agreed whos turn is next to mess with my head. I had feelings for all of them at some point (not simultaneously) lol .
But appreciate how comical it might look from outside!

Thanks NK, and I hope you get over your antsy feeling.

I know I'll be stressing about work all night. I've only moved departments over a week ago and I hate messing up. I'm hoping I manage to get in and get it fixed before it's passed on. Small mercies, between the stomach and work stuff I haven't had much time to think about him.

Was talking to my colleague today that I always natter to and she said it was unfair of him to say that he wasn't sure if he had made the right decision or not. Almost like he's giving me that tiny possibility of keeping me on the backburner for further on down the line if it doesn't work out? Hell, no.

Thanks nk. I just keep going over and over in my mind how I should have been different and stayed chilled out like I was at the beginning and we'd have still been together. On his terms I guess but I was happy most of the time and now I'm unhappy most of the time.

Sorry to hear about the bad day at work coffee. Can you go in early tomorrow to rectify. If it is a redo I always find it doesn't take anywhere near as long the second time and might be even better. Obviously I don't know your job so maybe this is not relevant but hopefully it will seem better in the morning.

Can we call it a Flop of NC's?

teens I hope you don't think I was minimising your hurt by making light of It.

coffee I agree with your colleague. I think leaving you open as an option is common but not fair.

nk sorry you're also feeling a bit meh. Can you find something engaging to watch on the telly (rock and roll) to distract you. That's what I'm going to do as it is the only option!!

OldBook A dysfunction of NC's!!! I love that!

I am knackered now. All that energy spent analysing (my responses).
BUT at least I am analysing it and feeling much more in control. If only I'd been able to do that with DOM (who I still miss viscerally :(
wish I'd been here with all this amazing advice and support back then and I wouldn't have made such an arse of myself.

Teens total NC with all 3... I bow down to you, you are amazing!

coffee poo to upset stomach and work hassle. not what you need.x

NK ah, a full moon. that explains it. hope you feel more settled soon

Right am off to herd Dd into the shower. Knackered.

Treating them mean is obvs the answer though.
MF sent some silly comment and I replied:
'whatever... (regrets time and effort invested in thoughtful replies)'
I got: " I read them all and am very appreciative"

...

Can we also have: an irritation of NC's? as well as a dysfunction?

itsa
I'm trying to laugh , it's not good to take it so serious.

I will call them my zoo from now on !😂
Bassetting
Look at it as practice exercise at establishing boundaries, once you dealt with this situation, next one will be easier!

I've just got back from my son's concert (not Bach ).

NK I was reading up about this particular full (blue) moon:

Like a regular full moon only stronger, a lunar eclipse focuses your attention on intimate relationships, your home and your family. A total lunar eclipse has an even strong influence on your private life. Sun opposite Moon qualities of emotions and instincts reach their peak at a lunar eclipse. This lets you take an objective and balanced look at your close relationships. Because you will be in touch with your own needs and intentions, you will clearly see any relationship imbalances causing disharmony.

Hmm, we could all do with having an objective and balanced look on our close relationships.

Oh you did make me grin with flop and dysfunctions, thank you.

Basset please keep emailing if only to entertain us I raise your with 'l'ill man'. Every time he wrote it on facebook about his son I wanted to shudder or stick pins in my eyes.

But that wouldn't have been the genuine relationship you wanted itsa. Your needs and wants mean something too and you deserve more. Don't get me wrong, I've thought often over the last week or two I should have said nothing, simply continued to sleep with him sometimes and not rocked the boat. Ultimately it would have been settling for less than what my heart wanted and that's not good for the head either, it never is when it's unbalanced and all on one person's terms.

I like that gettingthere. I think the biggest relationship I could do with working is on is actually myself. The rest will follow. Why I had such little self respect to hang around for weeks on end listening to the love yous but I need to decide I don't know. That's really not me at all.

I have a child free Friday night this weekend and trying to decide what to do with it. Not sure if I can face sitting in the house by myself feeling lonely on the other hand can't really be bothered going out and feeling sad either.

Anyway off to bed, took half a sleeping tablet for the first time in ages. Fingers crossed it works.

Thanks for the info about the moon Getting. Makes so much sense it definitely affects my mood. In fact the last full moon was when I drunk dialled and said who knows what.

Loving the updates Basseting you are funny.

Itsa that sounds far too much like hard work.

Have a lovely sleep Coffee

You're so right nk. Thanks for reminding me! Make sure you stay off the booze tonight...no drunk dialling on this full moon!

Oh ha ha ha Itsa defo no alcohol tonight I'm on dry January.