NC Dignity Club Pt 4: The Only Way Is Up

[Basseting]

Welcome to the No Contact Dignity Club Part 4

If you are aiming for it, trying to maintain it, being 'offered' it, coming back to it... NC support is here!

Ah, Basseting, we clearly both have something about Bach fanatics

Getting those bites and comments didn't make sense to me ! But yes now thinking about it, complete projection- he sounds mad!

You know what it reminds me of "American Psycho" film with Christian Bale, the serial killer loved classical music!😂

he didnt even realise

Yy. DOM only partially realises what a mess he is/he creates.
when he has flahes of it he sobs but then continues... (wtf?)
eg the Future Faking - that I can forgive to a certain extent as he really believed it /wanted it (at the time) himself. Now I can see that what he promised was laughable but at the time I believed him (why wouldnt I? but 15m later I can see he can barely function himself yet alone 'take care' of dc and I)
yet the narcissm / coldness as he weighs up which of his 'commitments' ie women in his life -he can bear to hurt by committing more to the other one.... that is far more calculated.

re ex and phone - I have fingerprint thingy but disabled it as we were at a show (kids on stage) and I wanted it recorded and his phone was out of battery so we had to use mine (I couldnt do it as I was on stage too)

"One thing I'm certain about is that he will never be happy with another woman. His behaviour was charming and loving at times but completely unacceptable at others. I accepted it to a point simply because of his brilliance and all the things we had in common (and the huge chemistry). I'm pretty sure the majority of women wouldn't."

So DOM has a twin in France then... separated at birth???

Basseting and Teens you're fab! I've been chuckling away at your comments about American Psycho and twins. It's so healthy to push him further away still from my mind with a good dose of healthy laughter, thank you!

Oh, oh, oh! The weirdest thing (possibly) of all is...going back to that notorious last night together. At some point things got very intense and I asked if we could slow down. He didn't react immediately so I sat up in bed and started putting on my underwear in an attempt to regain control of the situation. I ended up staying as he seemed to have got the message. BUT, on countless occasions when he'd mention that night afterwards he'd say that I had abandoned him by walking out of his house in the middle of the night which absolutely never happened. There was no point giving him logical reasons why I'd never left, e.g. he would have had to have unlocked the main gate so I could drive away, which he didn't, etc. He sounded so convinced that I'd buggered off and that was the reason he would give for losing hope we'd ever have a serious relationship. So, so bizarre and such utter bollocks.

Glad you are having a chuckle!
This thread has given so much to me already. x

It's a godsend, isn't it Basseting? You've been so brave and wonderfully kind. Everyone here has and we are very lucky.

Basseting and Teens you're both on fire tonight and making me laugh too. Ha ha ha

getting so he thinks you flounced off through a locked gate thus abandoning him / breaking his heart?

sorry but does he have mummy / nanny / school issues?
DOM has some MH issues and it is clear where they stem from
(so more fool me thinking I could handle it tbh...)

Chuckling here too. Some of the absurdities of these men. So very grateful for all of you on this thread xx

DOM will only listen to Bach with his eyes shut
( to experience it authentically....[hmmm])
there has been some scholarly discussion re whether Bach himself had a rigid/paranoid personality but it seems inconclusive to me.

So many bullets dodged from the sounds of it Loving the image I'm getting.

I did break NC today to reply to the text - to tell him I'm going NC for a while. I'm very hurt and feeling stupid, can't put myself through seeing him for a while until I get space to sort myself out. Apparently he's sad as he feels he's lost me, wonders if he has made the right decision but has to live with it. What a trooper eh Sorry he's hurt me blah, blah.

Managed to keep it together all day in work but sobbed for hours when I got home, pathetically hugging my childhood teddy. I genuinely haven't felt this bereft about a man since exh and I broke up many years ago. He left me with some commitment and trust issues and this was the first time I was felt prepared to put them aside for someone. Just my luck!

Hello coffee sorry to hear about your incredibly sad day. I think when you've taken so much strength to trust again it hurts so bad when that doesn't work out. Well done for holding it together until you got home. At least it sounds like he cares so perhaps that gives you some comfort.

Lol I love Rihanna. I'm such a shallow individual ha ha ha

Coffee so sorry to hear about your day. It will get better

nk I too am much more lowbrow in my music tastes so you're not alone!

Coffee glad you turned down the play date and are going NC for a while. Are you likely to bump into him irl? My exH broke my heart truly and I also find it very hard to trust since. So then the subsequent break by by NC floored me. Remember he led you on. This is all on him and you have acted so strongly not letting it now continue.

I am upset tonight way beyond the proportion of what I should be. My friend think it is because lookalikeNC reminds me so much of my trueNC. I don't know. He has got me so wrong. I reduced contact previously as didn't want to get too into him. I genuinely wanted to be his friend with a bit of fun, not a full on serious relationship as know I am not ready for that plus with exH always here stalking me I couldn't anyway as he would go mad. Unlike my true NC this lookalike did have red flags.
No friends, told me he pushes people away who get close, very long time without a relationship, took things wrong quite a lot, told me trusts no one. Not one person.

My eldest knew I was broken about NC guy. I am trying so hard not to let on I am sad again. I know we can't say this but I really do hate men tonight.

Ha ha ha Itsa glad I'm not on my own here!

Anxious I'd say it's defo because he reminds you of NC. Makes so much sense. You were wise not to want to rush things. If he couldn't respect that then he's not worth it.

Well on Saturday I heard couple of friends wanted to go see Britney Spears in Scarborough 😂
Give me Rhianna any day over her!

Oh I can do lowbrow!!
(Neil Diamond/country music, Abba, 80's chart hits in the car....)
Hmmmm, lowbrow and 30 yrs out of date
But I do love Bach, Mozart and Beethoven were part of my Eliaze Dolittle training prog, back in the day but I genuinely love them too.

Basseting very eclectic!

coffee hugging a childhood teddy and having a good bawl is NOT pathetic - it is cathartic and helpful to let it out.

I think I might hate men tonight too? I have just had an extraordinary email from MuseumFriend.

I am knackered and off to bed but I will be back in the morning to get your opinions if I may? I have drafted a reply and will sleep on it but I defo need to run it past the good healthy dollops of common sense available on this thread if at all possible?

Night all.x.x.x.