NC Dignity Club Pt 4: The Only Way Is Up

[Basseting]

Welcome to the No Contact Dignity Club Part 4

If you are aiming for it, trying to maintain it, being 'offered' it, coming back to it... NC support is here!

I was thinking about my NC's red flags and apart not replying to my messages in acceptable timeframe I have none!
And that's because he's not single..oh yes I have one actually, he lied about being single at first. He told a whole story about separation and later admitted they still live together ( I think she went to her mother's when he was saying that to me and they were temporarily separated, he just failed to tell me she moved back in in couple of weeks) but apologised for not being truthful and said he was ashamed.

No other flags though:never put my appearance down, never suggested I dress wrong way, he was 100% genteleman.

But that lie hurt me deeply, it's the biggest red flag of all.

He was trying to date before becoming single. Think it's called "cushioning" in modern terms..

coffee it sounds like your anger is giving you strength. Your plan sounds wise, leaving seeinh each other properly until March.

Teens That makes it hard. Perfect but unavailable and dishonest about it.
I didn't have red flags with mine either. Was so lovely to me. Loves his Mum children etc... But then when he had a family issue suddenly the flags fleeing how he closed down rather than deal with it. Then he was ok again, then it happened again.

The lookalikeNC that blocked me has shocked me. As he isn't a go quiet and hide. He is much more forthcoming in saying when some thing has annoyed him etc so quite shocked he blocked without explaining. Usually if I ask what is wromg he says, so my follow up text question not being answered either is totally out of character. He too has issues though. I think I pick men who seem damaged in someway or distrusting of women as I know they can trust me so think i can fix them. Healthy lol.

Sorry for yet another long post

There were so many red flags with my nc and they just became hard to handle. He was lovely to me though a lot of the time so I ignored them. I had a lovely day today but still can't stop thinking about him all the time and think I should have ignored the red flags and concentrated on what was good. At the beginning I find that easy but then I seem to see them more and more and just start complaining. Communication is the key but we seemed so bad at that, I would pull and he would retreat.

itsa it is so easy to see afterwards. Do you have good real life friends you can run things by to talk you down from complaining or help you judge if it is something to complain about? I reacted really stupidly once to something my NC put on snap chat. If i had just spoken to a friend first they would have told me to ignore it... which i coukd see for myself 30 minutes later. I don't mean ignoring shitty behaviour though just the things you think now we're unwarranted complaints

None of my friends liked him anxious! He was pretty socially awkward in a group so they never saw that he was better on a one to one. They do all agree I am a bit needy which I accept but also mainly think he was just an arse. It doesn't really help though as he was not like that so much when we were just together.

My eldest has just caused an argument with me and exH. Well, exH shouldn't have reacted the way he did but ugh had enough of men this weekend really. This is when I miss my original NC guy to chat to. He would have made me laugh and suggested I sneak out for a few mins. Also my new lookalike would have been a happy distraction although he doesn't know the full story with H.

itsa and that is why people have these things. Because we can see about them what others can't and they can see it in us hence why they can be so nice. It is hard when friends don't approve as you feel reluctant to advice.

I suppose the main thing was after 2 years I wanted things to be moving forward and they weren't. He's say he wanted It but his actions didn't match his words. I found this so confusing as I like straight talking and plans.

Oh dear anxious do you want to tell here about it instead. Can't promise to make you laugh but can listen

Aw thanks you itsa but it's ok. Thanks very much though

Oldbook
It is the worst part of whole thing, my NC is everything I wanted in a man and it hurts as finally I met someone worthy but I can't have him.Its like I'm being teased ..here he is very close, he wants me too , we could potentially have great relationship but it's never going to happen.

I have not sorted anything with the date yet.He called me yesterday but I didn't pick up. If he text me I'll reply explaining I'm not romantically interested.
I'm not going to contact him now unless he asks what's wrong.

oldbrook that is very interesting! Here we are feeling we are needy. Your friend has seen it from another pov he is needy. Glad you are feeling better about it all.

teens That really is sad. Sounds like a good plan with the date guy.

I am actually really hurt by lookalikeNC. I thought that he may have unblocked me today but nothing. Really unlike him. Am now starting to question if there is something about me that makes men feel they need to ghost me out of the blue. I have re read my whatsapps to him and there really wasn't any signs and I didn't act needy. He comes to my area a lot for work so every vehicle I saw matching his today made me feel funny. I also got a text (Don't usually use normal texts messages) and my heart jumped thinking it was him but no.

He does have surgery this week, that I know he is really stressed about. Feels weird not saying good luck or anything.

@OldBook no sign of a reply, I won't expect one now. You sound like you're doing really well!

anxiousnow

I wouldn't see ghosting as reflection on you,but if you do its maybe in a positive sence? They do feel you are agood person but for some reason there is a deal breaker or their situation is changed ie:met someone else, got back with an ex.
Imagine to tell your date: sorry I don't want to be in touch because restarted with ex or I am just not feeling it,but I cant explain to you why because NOTHING is majorly wrong with you.

I find it extremely hard to have that conversation with men and would rather ghost-ie them going away without difficult conversation and me feeling so bloody guilty.

Afternoon all. How are we today? I'm mad busy in work which is a wonderful distraction!

I'm thinking about him a lot more than I was hoping after this weekend, but I've no desire at all to contact him... I'm quite impressed

Good on you Enniroc.

Sorry i will read and reply later but just have to tell you. LookalikeNC just drove out of my estate. That is honestly really strange. He works near me sometimes but not my estate. He lives over 40 min an hour drive away. He knows my postcode and what time I get in. I was going to text him to say but decided against it. How strange though!!!

Hi all. 2 assignments handed in today after staying up til 2:30 am to finish them all so absolutely shattered - just wanted to stop in and say hi x

Teens thank you for that positive spin on it. I honestly would never ghost anyone unless they were abusive, and tbh I would still send them a final message. It is so cruel as all the why's drive you insane plus makes you feel worthless that you weren't worth saying bye to. I am not talking about OLD just a few hi messages, that I get goes with the territory but anything more than that like my trueNC or even lookalike talking most days for 3 months I deserve more.
I am still wondering if he wanted me to see him in my estate as he had just said to call him if ever I spot him so he can pop in. I am also embarrassed to say I really thought he would have unblocked me by now with an explanation. Do I still text about his surgery?

Hi NK glad the business is keeping you distracted.

Ginger well done on assignments.

Eni glad you are not feeling the urge.