NC Dignity Club Pt 4: The Only Way Is Up

[Basseting]

Welcome to the No Contact Dignity Club Part 4

If you are aiming for it, trying to maintain it, being 'offered' it, coming back to it... NC support is here!

Yep he's with her now anxious, wants to give it a go with her as he's fallen for her. This is after telling me last week he loved me too and there has always been something there between us. Wtf? I'm actually getting a bit angry tonight at how he has treated my emotions. The icing on the cake has been a message an hour ago asking if I want to take the dc out during the week like nothing has happened. What on earth can I say to that and how can he be so self centred? I must be a better actress than I thought for him not to realise that's not ok and I need space.

coffeeclouds, this all sounds so awful and confusing. My heart goes out to you.

If you could say or do anything you wanted to him what would would it be do you think?

Thank you for your support you lovely people

I'm on day 12. I'm feeling a bit better now ... I'm certainly sleeping better which must be a good sign.

I saw my previous ex last night. Things are great with him ... we are geinuine normal natural friends. I like his gf and he eventually was fine with me and ex. There was very little gap between splitting with him and getting with ex, so really I did to him what ex has now done to me. It felt a bit wrong offloading (slightly tearfully) - he did probe or I wouldn't have mentioned it. He was sympathetic and sweet about it, which was lovely. I wouldn't have blamed him in the slightest if he'd muttered 'karma, bitch!' but he didn't!!

What I am aiming for is to have the kind of friendship with ex as I have with him, and I know that can only be achieved by no contact. When I'm in a place where I can be genuinely ok to meet his gf (or future gf if this doesn't work out) I know I am healed. But how long will that take??!

I had a kind-of date today with an old friend who I hadn't seen in 20 plus years. I enjoyed his company and would like to see him again but have told him I'm lonely but not ready for a relationship, and that it would be wrong to jump into something just to abate the feelings of loss that I have. He is fully aware of the situation and knows the parties involved. He went through an awful divorce last year and is coming through it ... he was the right mix of sympathetic listening and geeing me on to look to the future. So ... we'll see.

coffee welcome to the thread, and I think me and you are in a similar place. It's horrible isn't it, the feeling of rejection. I was in a relationship with mine for 18 months, we split 10 months ago without any 'rejection' because there were dealbreakers on both sides. So we transitioned into a close friendship that in hindsight was very unhealthy. Now he has met someone else so I'm where you are. I do think you need to go no contact so you can detatch and heal ... is that what you're aiming for?

oldbook I agree with you on forgiveness. I'm not ready to pretend I've forgiven. Well ... I've told him that in my head I know he hasn't done anything wrong, and that it could easily have been vice-versa, but I also let it be known that I am hurting. I had to, as he wanted to carry on being friends.

Well done teens on being strong and not sending it.
WRT the money and dating thing, personally I 'expect' the guy to pay on the first date but I know that's not a popular opinion on mumsnet. That said, I always offer to contribute / go halves, but in my experience the man has always insisted. I wouldn't bother sending the text offering to transfer half ... it's done and dusted now.

Stay strong gang x

I don't think it's funny OldBook. I think when we have feelings for someone we have a propensity towards hope rather than reason. I've also kept certain things about my NC man to myself because I know full well that most would consider these things to be red flags. For example: the first time I met up with him he caught a glimpse of my underwear which was red. He told me that red wasn't my colour and that black and ivory would look wonderful on me. The craziest thing is that I took his advice and bought some white underwear!!!

I know, I know...It's ridiculous.

Evening/morning all

My goodness this thread has moved fast today. I'll try and go back individually

Honestly I'd be torn between calling him all the names in the book or much to my shame leaping into bed with him getting Sex was always mindblowingly good - and now I'm panicking that I'll never find that again. Or anyone for anything - being a single fulltime working parent, I rarely have time to go out and meet people. I'd like him to know he could have nipped this in the bud weeks ago instead of making me almost leap around like a toddler shouting 'pick me' and spewing how much I cared for him. The last month my anxiety has skyrocketed, I'm hardly sleeping and I've felt so heartachingly lonely.

Your ex sounds lovely lass, I have one like that too (dc's dad) Last night he gave me a big hug as he knew I was feeling down, the dc told him I'd been crying, and told me he'll always be here for me if I need him.

Yes very similar situation in that years back we dated briefly and out of that our close friendship was born. As you say probably quite unhealthily close for exs. I do need to detach right now. He is one of my closest friends and considering I don't have many of those I don't want to lose him in that aspect but right now I need to protect myself.

I think I might take a couple of weeks off the majority of social media and delete messenger and WhatsApp. With valentine's day round the corner I feel sick at the thought of happy couple posts.

I did get a lovely message from a friend today though that said 'you want someone who will jump fences for you, not be on the fence about you. You deserve more'. Made me well up a bit.

I apologise for the me-me posts, I will be more thoughtful of others in future

Anxious did you send the text? I didn't know you'd be texting for 3 months. You are right to demand an explanation.

Coffee so sorry to hear what you happened to you. That sounds just terrible

Getting I hope the anxiousness has passed. I know that feeling (from a mother).

Teens stay strong and don't send it. I feel the exact same as you. I feel so jealous of his gf and I'm not even a jealous person.

Belonger well done on Day 2

Ginger good luck with the assignment

Theparting. I'm the same. I'm not friends an old ex but when we meet up with mutual friends we can have a good natter. It was never like this with this guy. There was always an edge and there always will be. Can't see us ever being able to be friends.

Hey everyone... I've been so busy this weekend I haven't been reading, and you've all chatted so much- I can't hope to catch up!

Thank you all so much for your support the other day. My NC eventually left the site around midnight on Friday- walking in one door as I walked out the other, so I missed him by seconds. I'm pleased for that. I never checked the app to see if he'd replied to my message- and in fact I've deleted the app. I left him a letter telling him that I'd had a good weekend and I hoped he had too, I hoped my being there hadn't caused him any issues (why am I still so nice to him?!) I explained how difficult it had been looking out of the classroom windows with his flat over looking it, but that I was feeling really strong.

I explained that I'd deleted the app app I had no idea if he had replied to me or not, and reading if he ever needs to contact me in future that he can always text or WhatsApp. I reminded him that he has my email but that I'll never email him unless it's about official course stuff, and I included a bag of my homemade marshmallow as I'd taken a load to share with the course but we'd all been really good and barely eaten any 😂

He'll be home later tonight, so we'll see if he goes to the effort of responding or not. I'm so so tired now... It was a long weekend and a long drive home...

Oldbook and Getting definitely the stories will help us. Like my guy sensing me crude videos. Possibly testing the boundaries. I was very forthright and he stopped but I wasn't impressed

Coffee we all have days where we need to get it all out. Don't be worrying we are here for you.

Enirroc sounds like a very tough weekend. I hope he has the decency to reply

It was actually an amazing weekend. I've learnt a lot, experienced a lot, I've spent time with some amazing people and I've really been able to let go of a lot of things

That's great Enniroc

lass well done on day 12. It is nice that your previous ex is so supportive and yours coffee hopefully in time you can have that back with the current ones. Coffee are you going to respond about the play date? Don't get sucked into being a sounding board about his new lady.
getting telling us helps with those little secrets so hopefully we will be stronger next time.
Eni you are still very nice to him. Homemade marshmallows sound lush. I.hope he thanks you for them.
NK how are You?
I did text, no reply

I kept it bright and breezy. Even that annoys me. We analyse and draft messages so they don't come across as needy or nagging but he did the bloody blocking!! I know 3 months is a long time. I think I sit here going crazy with my H here and find comfort in texting a man.planning to meet etc. My exH can be lovely. He'll do sweet things like buy me a flask because I don't like tea in the staff room. But... It is nice as long as he doesn't think any men are involved. He would give me a hug if upset but would want more and I could never let on.i was upset about another man. Then i would see a very ugly side of him.

Hello all. It is so hard to keep up with you all, it moves so fast. I had a lovely day today with my dd and am starting at last to not care so much about him. It is interesting that some of you are managing to date others teens in particular. Do you find this is a good thing or a bad thing. I go nowhere to meet anyone so could only do the old thing and not sure I have the nerve to put myself out there.

anxious I hope you get the reply you want but fear you probably won't and will just have to chalk it up.

Anxious I am grand thanks. Had a very busy, but lovely day with family. I need more days like that as I think about him way less.

I hope you get a reply Anxious

Itsa glad you had a lovely day and so glad you are starting not to care. I want so much to be like that

Thanks itsa and NK glad you have both had such good days

Actually @anxiousnow , I'm not sure that I want him to thank me. It would be easier if he doesn't respond to the letter.

@NK1cf53daaX127805d4fd5 that sounds fab

Thanks Anxious. I'm feeling a lot better than yesterday which was a real low for me. I need to stop replaying his behaviour because I've no idea what he is thinking at all and it could drive me mad.

Eni that is even better than you are not in need of it.

NK yes indeed. It will drive you mad. Plus these men act so differently to how we would act. They are not on a thread struggling with NC for example but I do understand. I would love to know what is going on in both mens heads. To have such a good day after yesterday is brilliant. You thought you would be down for a few days so shows you are getting so much stronger.

Good luck with your reply anxious and that's really positive you had such a good time Enirroc

I'll reply tomorrow anxious. Part of me wants to play it cool and breezy and say I have plans but another wonders why the hell I'm being so bloody nice about it. I'll probably just be honest and say I need space right now and will see him in March for plans we have already made. No way am I going to sit there and listen about his new relationship when I've had my feelings trampled on. It takes a lot for me to lose my temper but I'm not sure I'd be able to hold it in check for one.

Itsalottery, I went on a date two weeks ago and it was woeful. Really didn't help at all but I suppose it would depend who the person is.

Glad you are feeling a bit better nk. Going into another week with positivity is the way to go x