NC Dignity Club Pt 4: The Only Way Is Up

[Basseting]

Welcome to the No Contact Dignity Club Part 4

If you are aiming for it, trying to maintain it, being 'offered' it, coming back to it... NC support is here!

Don't text him Anxious you don't need him.

Basseting I agree with everything Anxious says. No wonder you fell for him again. He accepted you and your kids and made it sound like he was lucky to be in your life. I would have fallen for it hook, line and sinker as well. I wish we lived near you too

Bassetting
Sorry somehow missed your update.
Your exh is shit, so is your NC .
Normal man would have said:mummy looks lovely, that's unkind thing to say.
What conclusion can you make of it: hang out with people that treat you fairly and make you feel good.
I'd say to exh also: that you won't tolerate disrespect towards you , and next time he does it you'll kick him out of the house.
It's sad your child said such thing but I'm not surprised, they didn't grow up in the environment of people complementing each other and cultivating their goid sides instead of bars.
Maybe it's time to change that? Start complementing and praise kids more and say you feel happy when they do same to You?

Instead of bad sides and put downs

Ladies I have to text lookalikeNC. Does this sound Ok?

Hi have you blocked me? I only said hi?!

I know you shouldn't text for long without meeting but we have been texting for 3 months. Various reasons on both sides why we haven't met yet but Friday we had just had a nice chat about meeting up and everything was fine.

Can i ask for advices please about my yesterday date.
I have decided I don't want to take things further due to 2 major elements to me and 1 small.
First I thought he should have brought his disability up earlier ( been in touch 2 weeks everyday and it was 2nd date) but only did after I asked him why he's limping did he have an accident?
Second he asked me out on dinner date, place wasn't cheap but I was to posher places and men insisted paying. Bill was around £67 .
So at the end of meal when bill was brought he made a point of looking at it long and hard as if can't see it,said he said he asked me out so he'll pay.I said ok thanks. I couldn't help but feel he wanted me to say I want to split or contribute. I didn't. So he said maybe you can take care of the tip though. I said should I that's fine how much do I need, he said usually 10% so about 6-7 quid. I said I only have tenners and 20s so I took tenner out. He then put 2 fivers out and trying to take tenner .I said what are you doing it's fine so he put his fivers back in wallet.
3d minor he was a bit boring but I offered to go for drinks after ( which I paid for) .he suggested pub across the road I said don't fancy it , let's find another but somehow he ended up leading me to same pub.i felt annoyed is he stupid or what clearly ignoring I said no, it's so easy to find another one on in an area(around 15 of them closeby).
I'm massively put off by paying for dinner thing, i have been on many dates and 99% pay without asking for any sort of contribution. I just see it as gentlemanly thing .
AIBU now to text him ask for his bank details, pay him for half of that dinner and say I don't want to see him again as I'm put off.

It really is not about money but about feeling put off . Maybe no logic to it but I didn't feel like a princess so what's the point seeing him again?

Teens I personally wouldn't ask for the bank details. Have you communicated since this second date? You talked for 2 weeks, is he soneone you would want as a friend or do you just want rid altogether? I would simply tell him thanks for night out but think you should leave it there.

Sorry see you Don't want to be friends either that is fine. I'd tell him but wouldn't mention the money.

He texted me saying he had nice time so I expect him to be in touch again.
I really don't like to be obliged to people so I'd rather pay him back so he wouldn't feel I go on dates leading him on or taking advantage in any way by expecting him pay.

I would expect picking up the bill from potential bf, without him making it big deal and basically taking care of it discretely. For example me and my NC went out to posh places but I never even knew how much bills were as he never mentioned it, he'd just comment on good, wine and service...

Teens you don't have to justifywhy you are not feeling it. You can put a stop to.it for whatever reason you like.

Sorry but still obsessing about whether to send that text. Any opinions? I have to ask... just want to know if it is worded ok. Thank you.

Hi anxious. You know, sometimes I think we dwell too much on what is right and more importantly what is wrong. How to word a text, should it be sent at all. At the end of the day if it's going to make you feel better I'd encourage you to just send it. It's more important to think about what's best for you rather than reflect on how the other will perceive it.

Getting thank you!!!! You are right. He blocked me without reason or explanation why am I stressing how he will take my text. I will send it a bit later. Thank you. How are you today?

Joining in.. yesterday I was rejected in favour for someone else. Feeling led on as I wanted to take myself out of it last weekend and got the whole there has always been feelings for you from my side, giving me hope. Worst of it is he is the one person I could always count on to tell my relationship woes to and now I get to watch him play happy families with someone else. I didn't let on how much he has hurt me but was a night of a lot of tears and wine. Very sad and cross that he let me pour my bloody heart out to him about my feelings. I feel foolish.

anxious, let us know what happens after you've sent it if you feel like it?

I'm feeling anxious. I've just spoken to my mum (my dad passed away last autumn) and it stressed me out talking to her. Obviously it makes me sad to see how much she misses dad but also, being an anxious person at the best of times, she really pushed my buttons today. I'm in the middle of purchasing a house and she was reminding me of what I already know; nothing's sure until it's done. The thing is if the sale doesn't go through (i've got 2 months to pay) I'll have to leave my current house by end of June so it's all a bit nerve-racking. A lot of us our working, single mums, right? The pressure can be overwhelming at times.

coffee welcome. Sorry you were rejected. Were you together?

Getting thank you. It is hard, I agree. I think we all have a lot in common, not only our attachment styles but yes the single parents with complicated ex situ's. Sorry your Mum stressed you out on what is already a stressful situation and sorry to hear about your Dad. Good luck with the purchase. I hope it goes through smoothly. June is a bit away so hopefully you won't be forced into anything. Do you have much support from anyone else? My parents stress me out too. I love them dearly and know I am very lucky to have them but when H had his emotional affair and left I realised how controlling my Dad and Mum to a lesser degree can be. They are getting on need me and also hang around my house a lot. So H and them.

No anxious so I suppose I have no right to feel like this. Very close friends that I'm obviously ok to have sex with sometimes but not to have a relationship with Kicking myself for falling hard for him and thinking there may have been a chance. I'm usually very closed about my feelings but I told him all and now it hurts like hell.

Thank you anxious. Your post has really done me some good. I'm without the children this weekend which is good because I get to think about myself for a change but sometimes I can be too much in my own head so reading your words has really helped.

So, are you going to send that message, then?

Oh you are so lovely! I am in tears. But good ones.

Did we talk about a meet up pages ago I did I imagine that?

We are pretty spread out arent we?

(dreams of going to London to meet one of you lovely lot instead of vile HIM)

Me too was on a verge of sending embarassing heartfelt message to my NC, saying how I miss him, how I go on dates but noone comes even close to him, how I wish he was single and his wife's a lucky woman.

I nearly sent it but logged out of the app and draft was lost.

Good thing it did disappear, there really is no point in sending it , nothing would change.

Have nearly done day 2, feeling OK and had a lovely busy day. Love and strength to you all x

Well done Belonger! Lots of strength to you too.

Oh, the temptation to send sometimes is SO strong, Teens. But indeed; what good would come of it?

coffee of course you still have the right to be hurt. You said that you are friends and that he led you on, and has slept with you. Sorry he has done this to you. Is he with this new person?

Getting ok so you said you weren't feeling good about yourself physically. Pamper while you can. I just had a really long bath and used a new korean exfoliating cloth. Skin feels so soft. What are your plans for this evening?
I will send the text. Already dreading the response or lack of... this isn't even my trueNC guy that I am on this thread about. Embarrassing!!

Hi basseting I could meet in London. Glad happy tears

Well done on day 2 belonger glad you are having a lovely day

Teens glad you haven't sentit. I too haven't felt the same with men I have kissed or been out with since. I know he felt that too. I often think about texting him about that.

anxiousnow, I've been for a long walk along the Loire river and I've eaten really healthily today and I'm going to follow your advice and have a long bath!

Don't feel embarrassed about this guy not being the true NC one! If the truth be told I'm contact with another man too (it's nothing serious and I won't go into it now) but I can see my age old insecurities surfacing as they ALWAYS do. I really have to work on myself.

I go about once a month for a Chinese abdominal massage to work on suppressed emotions and tension; it really helps. I was discussing with the lady who does it (she's great and her insight is really helpful) and I was telling her that I am confident about myself as a person without being overconfident. It's more of a deep-seated knowledge of my worth (and weaknesses too, or course). With my family, work and friends I feel serene about myself and what I can offer. However, with men, I can crumble and quake at the slightest whiff of a doubt! I'm quite confident when it comes to flirting, etc. but as soon as there's mention of anything more I am terrified.

And I'm 49! Is it going to get any better???

Hey all. Nose to the grindstone as 2 assignment ms to hand in tomorrow and beyond tired. Just didn't want you to think I'd bailed on you x

Good luck Ginger!!