NC Dignity Club Pt 4: The Only Way Is Up

[Basseting]

Welcome to the No Contact Dignity Club Part 4

If you are aiming for it, trying to maintain it, being 'offered' it, coming back to it... NC support is here!

Oldbook both of you kissed while drunk?

Yes I'm very angry today lol. Angry he came into my life and turned it upside down at an already vulnerable time.

OldBook I'm angry too.

You must have read my mind. I should be swimming or walking but all I want to do today is shut myself away and stay in bed.

I ask so little of men but as soon as I get emotionally attached, just a tiny bit, I know that inside me a switch flicks as I become entitled to more. I don't tell them that or show them that but it eats away at me as I keep a cool, measured exterior.

Am I making any sense?

I'm most certainly guilty of giving mixed messages and most of the time it's not my intention to do so. I get scared as soon as a man wants to get closer to me so I back off a little.

Sorry, this is neither here nor there but I'm having to do some soul searching today.

Bloody Hell, OldBook; that kiss? And everything that followed? That would have completely thrown me. Big time.

And how dare he tell you the other girl was hotter? OMG!

Sorry for getting indignant.

When i commented last night I seemed to have missed a page. Oldbrook the turning up looking fab for an hour and leaving again is perfect if you feel strong enough!!

The bubble! That is what I have been in too. My children don't give me a minute to think. I hide in the bathroom to compose myself buteven that gets interrupted. My H that I am separated from is always here too and if i am on the phone it's like he follows me. Trying to have heard broken conversations with friends while hiding with the rabbits or something. No space. I think that is one of the reasons I don't sleep.
NK I am sure your guy is sad too. You again took the power bavk. I agree that they are just less able to show it. My guy once took me calling him cute as a sign of weakness
getting sorry you are feeling so down on yourself. You are good enough. Is it possible to take some time for yourself??sleep excercise nails whatever makes you feel a bit more like yourself.

What exactly he apologised for after Oldbook?
It's horrible I wouldn't forgive him I'd cut him off straight after

The kids and H are why my posts are always a bit garbelled sorry. Counted and got interrupted 6 times in that last post.

Oldbook can't believe he called someone hotter. That would be a dealbreaker for me.

For all my guys faults I know he thinks I am hot. He said I hadn't aged in 17yrs and he meant it. He has though. And he'd be damn lucky to have me on his arm. Which other people have told him and continue to tell him even years later.

Your fella would be damn lucky to have you too Oldbook and he needs you way more than you him. Look at him scrambling around trying to find sideways avenues to meet you. You need a man not a mouse

Getting you are making so much sense. I am the same. Even if I'm paddling furiously inside I remain calm on the outside. That is both a blessing and a curse. People think we are strong but then maybe we send off don't care signals.

Anxious my kids don't give me a whole lot of time either. Does your ex not take them to his place?

Hi Teens!

Oldbook one contact in 6 weeks is fab stuff. Really really good

You're waking up from the fog Oldbook. It's unfolding bit by bit. Let it take it's time and deal with each piece as it comes. You're doing great

I used to have sympathy for your guy Oldbook ,thought there's possibility of shyness, misunderstanding,awkwardness or something.
Now I'm angry on your behalf.

What an immature twat! Is he 15 or something? The other girl on school disco is hotter than You?!

My boundary would be so violated how dare he! No doubt he justified it later by saying he was drunk!

I just wanted to say thank you for input yesterday.
I am in the middle of a weekend where I am lucky to get 5m to myself.
I have 2 kids age 10 and 13. Both dyslexic. ! being assessed ASD and the other certainly has traits. Due to hugely inadequte school plus a lot of bullying we moved 12m ago (50miles) it is rural isolated and I know no one.I am not working due to health issues atm so I have a LOT of time alone. I was scared whether I'd manage on my own (I am disabled) but ExH was rubbish when we lived together so it is no worse. I thought that I might get EOW 'off' but he simply turns up here like a bad smell. Sulky, with an underlying aggression. Kids wont go to his (our old house). So weekends are a bit of a nightmare for me.
R'ship between ds and exH has always been poor. ds is some sort of genius in a certain field it seems but no 'pathway' for him via school and he is really frustrated. Thats why I contacted HIM (same field)
(Yy re caps, I supppose it was to differentiate bewtween him and ExH?). He 'took him under his wing' spent time with him (whilst telling me that I and kids were amazing and he would be privileged as a person with no kids to be a part of our lives 'however small', oh and btw he'd like to get me pregnant too, before its too late...'). He had all sorts of plans to help me transform our lives. Pie in the sky. Fantasy Island. I believe its called 'future faking'? Now I know. But it has been terribly hard as part of the massive pull was the thought of helping my children, as god knows their Dad wont, all he does is pull us down.
(I got ready for my part in an amdram show y'day. I put some make up on - usually no time/point- kids being asd said: 'you look odd' and 'you look like you have dragged your face down the side of a gravel house' (wtf?). ExH sniggered. and sniggered again, really nastily. I went to the show and 2 other female performers said: 'oh, you look pretty, you should wear lenses and eye make up like that more it really suits you'. So validation from strangers (which was nice). It doesnt matter how I look its just a (poor) eg of the sort of environment HE came into and how easily I was hooked. Though he never once told me I 'looked nice' but endlessly talked about weight and not looking like I did nearly 30 yr ago (quelle suprise).

Sorry for self-monologue.
I will try to catch up tomorrow.

Such thought provoking chat today. Now I'm wondering am I so connected to my guy because I know he is so physically attracted to me. I know I make him laugh too but he's always thought I'm gorgeous (I'm just normal looking) but in his eyes I've been amazing. Is It just an ego thing for me? Because of the way he makes me feel? When I am with him I feel like the most beautiful person in the world and like I could conquer the world. But is that even normal? I don't think I know what a normal relationship is anymore. Sorry for the waffle just dumping stuff out from my brain

Hi NK 😘

I feel like shit. Went on that date yesterday and my date is looking so much in comparison with my NC, I couldn't help but think of my NC all evening, all positive things.
The way he's got good manners:opening doors for me, attentive during dinner, picking up whole bill without a wink, conversation so fun and natural.
Yesterday guy was so not on same level it's so disappointing.

God I want someone like my NC just SINGLE!!!

Oh Teens I feel for you. If it makes you feel any better I feel the same. I just want to feel that spark. I hope we find it. You keep going and don't settle for half measures

Finding this song really helpful at the moment. Not sure how it relates to me now. It's more wishful thinking

Many of Horror by Biffy Clyro. Have a listen

And yes NK
relationships is always about how other party makes YOU FEEL.
Like a princess, like the most beautiful woman in the world...or opposite.
My NC definitely showed I had his FULL attention

Gosh, it seems as though we're all going through something difficult this weekend. There's the second super moon of the month on 31st, I believe, and possibly the last of the year. I don't know if that's got anything to do with our collective state of despair?

OldBook, that's sorted; I'm going for a good, long walk a bit later. Thanks for sorting me out

NK, I believe it's perfectly normal to feel good with someone who feels good about you? Love is, up to a point, a tad narcissistic, don't you think? Of course the idea is to complete one another and to be good to each other but there's nothing wrong with enjoying somebody's company who makes you feel a million dollars.

Teens, I feel your frustration. Let's trust in the future, ok? You may be on the verge of meeting a single, fab man who will make you feel wonderful.

But I do understand your current state of mind. I'm feeling so frustrated. To be honest, and I'm sure this is the case for all of you, there are men out there who show me interest, flirt with me...but right now I feel as though I'm just a plaything for them. I want to be taken seriously! On the other hand I've been told that I seem so self sufficient and strong that men find me a tad intimidating.

It's almost better when I'm too busy to think

Oldbrook I'm.sorry but I cannot believe that drunken kiss incident! How dare he leave you alone saying someone else is hotter. Although painful please keep that in your mind. You deserve better.

Getting wow completely with you too on the ok at first then the attachment starts but they Don't know what is going on in our heads.

These things in common is why we are here ladies!
My guy was definitely very attracted to me and comfortable in my company and I made him laugh. He really did think I was hot and thought he was lucky to have me. I think that is another reason it hurts so much. His failure to deal with his MH and family issues had a knock on affect on us. But I would have put up with the other issues.
My H doesn't have anywhere suitable to take the kids. As what always happens with these men he wants back into family life and I can't breathe. He just came up and stroked my arm and made a comment about the way I was leaning over some thing. Aaaarrgh!

Basseting I wish we could visit you. You are surrounded by people that drag you down and knock away at you. You exH sniggering, awful. Petty petty him. The ladies compliments are genuine and that is the sort of company you need around you. Not vile decrepid old men or ex'H that snigger. It sounds hard being isolated and dealing with your dc's with such little support. Of course mr decrepid's fantasy appealed to you. Escape, rescuing a happier easier life. Sadly he cannot give you this. But there is a nice man out there one day when you are ready.

My lookalikeNC still has me blocked on whatsapp. It is getting to me. Why? Should I text him?

It's a balancing act Getting between being self sufficient and showing our vulnerabilities.

At least I know the next person I meet I want to make me feel that way and I won't accept less.

My stbxh was a rebound from him, although I did love him for a few years. I strongly suspect his ex-wife was a rebound from me too. When they were engaged (and I wasn't) I was in their company and when a few drinks were taken he was trying to get my attention from across the room, in front of her. Other people commented on it. The next morning he came into the room I was staying and gave me a kiss on the cheek before he left for work because I was living in a different country.

He pursued me after we met a few months ago but pulled back and remained vague. It's all so confusing.