NC Dignity Club Pt 4: The Only Way Is Up

[Basseting]

Welcome to the No Contact Dignity Club Part 4

If you are aiming for it, trying to maintain it, being 'offered' it, coming back to it... NC support is here!

oldbook why has nothing ever happened with the two of You? I had a good male friend before I met my nc. When I told him I had met nc he told me he'd always had feelings for me and went nc on me. I never really understood it but I guess he had the feeling that we now have. I felt bad but there was nothing I could do about it, I valued his friendship but didn't understand.

If you can do breeze in then breeze out that is the best thing. So empowering if you can truly do it!

I think you can definitely do it Oldbook.

Above all protect yourself Oldbook and do what's right for you. He's an absolute fool if you ask me for letting you slip through his fingers.

Oldbook I've never fallen for a friend but a friend fell for me and did declare it while I was going out with stbxh. He had feelings for me for quite a long time and we went NC for a few years. I had never given him mixed messages.

We got back in contact a few years ago and while we aren't as close as we were we do get on very well and it's fairly obvious hr has no romantic feelings for me now. So it all worked out in the end but there was never any blurred lines.

Hi everyone!

Wow this thread moves so fast, I’m finding it difficult to keep up now.

Well me and Mr NC are still in daily contact but it feels different to how it did the first time. He now takes a while to open my messages, even if it’s a reply to him and he’ll still be online. It brings back that horrible anxious feeling where I’m checking to see if he’s opened or started to reply yet. Then I find myself not replying to him straight away and I HATE the game playing.

I just don’t know where I stand. We could start having a serious conversation and one of us pulls back and it goes back into jokey conversation.

I really don’t know if I should start cutting contact again or just lay all my cards on the table.

Jesus honestly if you want to be with him and there are no complications such as partners etc I'd lay my cards on the table. I absolutely hate game playing.

oldbrook love that about not healing in a straight line. How very true. The list is great too. Helpful to see a time when this will just be a name on a list that we are all truly over however impossible it may feel now.

NK Today is the worst and you haven't given in and broken NC. Sorry it is so hard though.

getting sorry you are struggling too.

I just have this low get on with it mood. I am not totally disfunctional anymore. Just this accepted sadness that I will probably never speak to him again.
My lookalikenc has blocked me today. No idea why. We had been getting on yesterday and previous days. Simply said hi and got blocked today. It has made me sad but I know I didn't do anything as had reduced contact to a much healthier level. The date in February where I know my true NC will think of me is getting close. Then that's it.

Agree with NK just tell him. You are already feeling the negative anxious feelings and it may all be for nothing. Good luck.

oldbook I missed the friend but never wondered about things as there was never any connection in that way. I felt sad that I had caused hurt but I know I never led him on in any way.

I do feel like I was in somewhat of a bubble the last few months so think I am emerging now and spending more time with them

Absolutely that, NK. One of the most positive aspects of my NC is that I am SO much more involved with my children once again. I cannot believe quite how much head and heart space I'd allowed him to take up.

I've been reflecting on this a little this weekend during which I've definitely slumped. Whilst I certainly don't show it directly to the man himself (sending few messages, not answering immediately and generally keeping a certain distance for self preservation) I am guilty of wasting far too much time, feelings and thoughts.

I also think I harbour too many troubling thoughts. I think there's a lot to be said for expressing certain grievances to the right person in the right way.

Hope you're okay Getting.

Thanks to each and every one of you for yesterday. It was a very hard day but thanks to you all I got through it. The acceptance that there will be no more contact is hard to deal with but I'll get there.

Have a busy day ahead and am aiming for as little logging to SM as possible. I spent far too much time yesterday trying to analyse his SM usage and it's draining.

I'm ok, thank you NK. I think we're both having to work through the sadness of no more contact with our respective men.

We are Getting. I'm feeling much stronger and much more determined today.

Am angry with him for creating another complication to an already complicated life. But he was also a catalyst to me realising I was miserable. So I have to be grateful too.

Yes, NK. Certain people act like mirrors reflecting a truth about ourselves which doesn't always sit comfortably. The important thing is that we want to learn from this pain. I'm not always sure how to though.

I'm definitely not sure how to either. Feeling a little lost in myself. The NC is so good though because he knows I walked away again despite what I said in that drunken phone call (in which I'd say I revealed feelings but can't remember). And he knows I walked away 17yrs ago. So he knows I value myself and he has told me I am very strong on a few occasions. So I can hold onto that at least.

I'm feeling lost too NK. I think work matters and tiredness don't help but I'll admit I not feeling loveable or good enough which I know isn't true but absence of true affection can make me feel unbalanced.

I'm hoping I'm not coming down with something to be honest. Feeling a little rough.

Oh you're definitely good enough Getting. It's them that have all the issues not us.

How are you Oldbook?