NC Dignity Club Pt 4: The Only Way Is Up

[Basseting]

Welcome to the No Contact Dignity Club Part 4

If you are aiming for it, trying to maintain it, being 'offered' it, coming back to it... NC support is here!

I'm definitely not a young whippersnapper ha ha ha.

I'd say he would have let your DS down anyway. He sounds too wrapped up in himself to care so don't beat yourself up over his shortcomings

NK "too wrapped up in himself to care" I think you've hit the nail on the head there...

basseting I'm afraid my reaction to what you said about his fb page was to shudder, he sounds an absolute creep to me. That's not a judgement of you at all, but he really does give me the creeps. I'm sure that the most generous thing you can do for your child is to remove this guy from your life.

I understand the determination to do the best for your child basseting but maybe this is another example of when we can't bear to lose an idealised future which isn't actually real. The ideal of how you think the tutoring will go, and what it will provide for your child, is quite likely to be a fantasy. Like the fantasy person many of us fell in love or lust with, which NC helps us realise wasn't actually real. We have to mourn the loss of the fantasy, which might also apply to this idealised tutoring arrangement and the impact you assume it will have on your child.

I'd agree with Basseting he is no reflection on you at all but he sounds so lecherous and creepy

I think the fact ds' (and dd's) Dad is so utterly inadequate has left me vulnerable too. He hangs around a bit but really does no parenting at all. So I have needed help but yes HE was never going to be able to do more than some mentoring which has not materialised. What a sad person.

And selfish Basseting that he wouldn't help your DS. Very very selfish

Basseting am with the others, no reflection on you but he really does sound a creepy decrepid old man not fit for you or your DS.

Totally understand Bassetting
You want someone to help you to get dcs to better place, sadly your NC is not the one to do this.
He'd let your day down

Day =ds

While I'm being honest, the way 'HIM' is always in capitals gives him far too much importance! It's really hard to read it without giving him far more emphasis than he is worthy of.

Finding tonight so hard. Want to message him about a shared interest. I won't be am practically stapling my hands to the ground. I feel sick. I know it will pass but it is so damn tough tonight. The physical ache is immense.

Sorry you are struggling tonight NK also sorry that you will have to change your job but good on you for knowing you deserve better treatment. What has helped you when you have felt like this before? I know what you mean about the ache

So sorry you're having a tough time nk. You have been an inspiration to me and you still are, bearing this awful ache and still resisting contact. What can we do to distract you until it the intensity passes? I can dance, or do some rubbish juggling. Erm, might be able to remember some bad jokes...

Thinking of you@NK1cf53daaX127805d4fd5

Just wanted to share that I have LOVED being NC today. Have blocked him on the app we use, hardly looked at my phone, had lunch with a friend and feel so relaxed and calm. I must remember how good this feels next time I'm tempted.

Thanks so much Anxious Belonger and Enniroc. You're all such good people. The event (don't want to be too outing) was a mutual thing we used to do. I didn't think it would bring back such memories but it is actually like someone has punched me in the stomach. This has been the hardest day ever. I am no longer part of his life.

You can all join me in some virtual wine and nibbles this evening. It will pass the night

Good on you Belonger. You sound so in control and calm. I am a mess tonight. I won't communicate though.

NK, I've just popped in and I'm jolly glad I did. I think I speak on behalf of everyone here. You are fabulous and we all empathise with your pain this evening. I'm sending you loads of positive thoughts from France this Saturday evening.

This will pass. I think, inevitably, despite our strongest will and courage there will be days when we feel hurt, let down, and, quite frankly, very lonely.

I know that I do. These past couple of days I've been struggling. It's not been comfortable at all but I'm getting through it.

Keep sharing how you feel we are all here for you.

Thanks Getting so lovely of you to say. I think it just hit me this evening. I'd forgotten it was our thing and there are so many happy memories attached. It also made me realise how poles apart myself and stbxh are. We never had that connection and banter.

Thanks very much Oldbook. I think it will take me a few days to get over this but I guess this is as bad as it gets. Hopefully this is a low and I will bounce back

That's a good idea OldBook about the list.

NK. Yes, that connection feels relatively rare (and let's not forget the chemistry too!) and I would get SO frustrated about the potential between us which wasn't being given a chance.

So, so difficult to accept.