NC Dignity Club Pt 4: The Only Way Is Up

[Basseting]

Welcome to the No Contact Dignity Club Part 4

If you are aiming for it, trying to maintain it, being 'offered' it, coming back to it... NC support is here!

Yes, that's exactly it, NK.

Teens your reaction and feelings sound so normal to me. I'm a bit flustered after seeing this legal guy. I recall feeling intimidated and not overjoyed at the thought of having to work with him a few months back because legal talk can be intimidating and I wasn't sure if I would get on with him or not but I've ended up feeling grateful to him for the good job he's doing (all free of charge for the time being but he'll be getting a percentage on the house sale) and touched by his attention towards me.

It was weird because I was feeling particularly exhausted and anxious over Christmas and on the Monday I was back at work I felt very fragile physically. I'd had to pop into his office to drop a paper off. I often don't disturb him, preferring to give things to the receptionist instead (keeping a healthy distance, I think). This was the time when he came out of his office, walked towards me and put his arms around me to wish me happy new year. The impact of this small gesture on my well being was huge. I suddenly felt so much stronger, more upbeat and since that moment I've been feeling stronger and stronger and have worked well and been so busy. It's ridiculous really (see how crumbs can make us content?) but I'm grateful for that moment of human kindness.

You know that you're going to see him regularly too, right Teens? I think that, if I'm honest, I'm craving a strong should I can lean my head on for a little from time to time. Maybe your physio makes you feel as though you're in safe hands? Does that make sense?

Sorry, that should say 'a strong shoulder'.

Getting
I sometimes think precisely because we're starved of tlc and moral support, we ended up having feelings for those giving us crumbs. Just right crumbs at the right time..
In my case it's not just feeling in strong hands( but im starved of cuddles and male touch, it does feel good) he's also ticks a lot of boxes re someone is love to be with-educated, intelligent, warm personality, looks fit.Also not to be identifying his brother is getting married to someone very similar to me, all that brought the thoughts together into a nice guy picture..sigh

@NK1cf53daaX127805d4fd5 I know what you mean, but he's the sorry of person that can just shrug his shoulders and ignore most things and people, so if he can't, there's a reason.

I'm really sorry I can't manage to keep up with everybody's posts, I'm so busy here it's a bit chaotic. I've sent him a message basically I need this weekend, don't ruin it for me- and goodbye.

Hopefully that'll be the last contact apart from submitting my assignments to him.

Enniroc I get what you're saying.

How could he ruin the weekend for you? It must have been so hard to see him with his gf.

I've got the unpleasant 'wind down after a very busy week' thing where you don't feel like doing anything but even doing nothing makes you feel fed up. I think I'll feel better tomorrow although I do have to make an appearance at work in the morning.

This state of mind is not helping me feel serene about feeling let down and confused about men in general. Lol

I know that feeling. I've had the week from hell in work and looks like I'll be looking for a new job. I've a sore back and it seems to be radiating to the front. Not sure if that's a stress thing or the extra work I've been doing

Early night would help probably Getting?
Enni sorry I missed it somehow. Was he with his gf before you two , did he went to be with her f or he just met her after you split up?

Yes, Teens, a very good idea. I'm sure to see everything a little differently tomorrow morning.

I'm so sorry NK you're feeling so rough. And why do you need to look for a new job???

Sorry for your troubles and sore back NK
What happened? Would you want to share with us?

It would be too long to go into but basically I had a lightbulb moment that I'm being underpaid and undervalued when I actually am very skilled in that area so onwards and upwards. I need to put myself first. Just feels like there are a lot of potential changes now and it's a bit scary.

Just to say I'm in the thick of last rehersals and performances for an amdram thing the kids are in so prob wont be on over weekend much.
(plus exH is constantly tutting and nosing if I am online - drives me nuts)

But I am thinking of you all and sending strong and positive vibes.
Onwards and upwards Dignified NC'ers.
The only way really IS up!
(all together: 'for you and me now...hold on, hold on, hold on.... It wont be long, the only way is up,for you and me now....)

Pls have a cup of cheer for me tonight? I am off to bed.x

Hey all. Need to reset. Still can't disengage and got sucked in and disappointed. Low level stuff but just a reminder that 'kind, sweet and humble' is a device.

Git major project deadlines to complete this weekend and have been reading and connecting, if not commenting.

Thankyou all for indirectly keeping it real for me.

Can't think of anything other than uni deadlines right now but just wanted you to know I haven't forgotten what's important or right for me. Just got a little sidetracked but if anything, it's made me realise that he's still the same manchild and that although he can be all of the lovely things above, that's not who is in the main.

I found out today, when he brought me some lunch as we had a client issue that needs urgent attention, that he STOLE the food from my local shop.

I don't want to be with someone like that.

Hope you all have a good weekend.
Please don't give up on me because of a few days of hoping he'd changed.

I'm not even sad any more. Just resigned.

This is what I sent him.

"Just so we’re clear, your food stealing escapade today is something I’m am horribly uncomfortable with.

I know you go shopping under normal circumstances and I know you feed yourself.

Don’t do it. It belittles the good person I know you can be,

If you plan to do that again, don’t bother coming round"

Oldbook well done to Day 7. You really are in control, far more control than him.

I just feel now it's healthier for me not to count any more as it's allocating too much importance to him. As I've no idea what he's thinking I'll have to assume he couldn't care less.

I'll look for work in the same industry but will be looking for more perks etc

Ginger great message. What a horrible thing of him to do. Hope you get all the assignments done!

@Teensandfuture he was with her and they split up, we had a relationship but then she called wanting him back and he said he took the easy option in taking her back knowing that we could be great, but that at least he knew what he got with her.

@NK1cf53daaX127805d4fd5 I just don't know

Eh why did he steal food Ginger
Is he skint or he is just cleptomaniac??
Either way I'd run a mile and never look back.
You already know he's bad news, he already stolen from you before..

@OldBook yay!!! My first

@Teensandfuture not entirely sure. He's always skint (or at least that's the party line). He became used to me paying for everything. I have been much stricter when we have needed to see each other. I suspect it's another way of him trying to grind me down out of guilt or obligation.

I've shagged Tim a couple of times, not going to lie, but it scratched a physical need and very little else.

The stealing today really pissed me off.

And yes don't know why I'm surprised. He can steal from me and claimed I was his one true love.
Why am I surprised at this.

He's a very damaged individual.

Onwards and upwards. Two projects to finish and 3 days to do it...that's what's important!!!