NC Dignity Club Pt 4: The Only Way Is Up

[Basseting]

Welcome to the No Contact Dignity Club Part 4

If you are aiming for it, trying to maintain it, being 'offered' it, coming back to it... NC support is here!

That's a good way of looking at it Getting. He's never done or said anything nasty but he could have harmed me by causing me to lose friends and the respect of my kids and family. That's potentially very harmful to me. I can only hope him staying away has meant he knows this and is keeping a respectful distance.

In all honesty, NK, I don't know you but I admire you enormously. You are full of integrity. I know I'm a good person, and caring too, but I think I have more shades of grey than you and consequently tend to accept 'grey' behaviour from others until I understand that the bad outweighs the good.

Is anyone else wondering/worrying about SweetBerries?

Thanks Getting what a lovely thing to say. I have been told in real life I have a lot of integrity but sometimes it sucks and I just want to give into temptation and to hell with the consequences.

I just think you are adjusting your boundaries and expecting more from people which is a good thing.

Yes I am worried about Sweetberries and I'd quote like to hear how Miraclecure is getting on too

At times I found myself thinking of my NC more if I was active on this thread. So staying away helped more, if that makes sense?
Maybe that's the case for Sweet and Miracle? hopeforbest

Yes, I can see how that would be the case Teens. What's helped me enormously these past few weeks is the copious amount of stuff I need to do both at and outside of work. Being busy keeps my mind off him. Of course before I would have been using all my energy on him so wouldn't have been as efficient and proactive as I'm able to be now.

I hope I don't sound smug in any way. I've just come such a long way since Christmas. Oh, and I had a series of blood tests done and it would seem there's nothing wrong with me physically which is a HUGE weight off my mind.

Hope that's the case Teens. I find this thread to be the opposite. It's like a comfort blanket.

Getting wonderful to hear all is well with you on the health front. And no it doesn't sound smug. I'm delighted you've come so far

Thank you NK! The great thing about you is that this thread is comforting and reassuring to you, and helps you remain NC, but you give as much if not more as you get out of it by supporting all of us with your comments and advice.

Thanks Getting. I love the support and advice on here even if it's not necessarily what I want to hear. We have a lovely group

Oldbook you sound very determined. Have you told him you are walking away or what's the plan?

Thanks for the welcome to the thread.

I'm on day 9 now. Things are improving a bit I feel, I can occasionally smile ruefully to myself and think 'I'm only cross and my feelings are hurt because you found someone else before I did'.! I've slept better the last couple of nights as well.

I've had 3 dates in the last couple of weeks. No spark on my side but they've all wanted to see me again so that gives me hope.

I've realised I'm lonely but I'm not ready for a relationship but I will try to keep up the momentum of dating a) as a distraction from him, b) to build up my confidence and c) just in case the right man unexpectedly appears in front of me.

I need to rediscover my zest for life. I feel that's the key to healing.

Weekends are the toughest as my kids are at their dads so I have a lot of alone time (and that's when I have a tendency to dwell) unless I proactively busy myself. Also I know that weekends are when he will be spending time with her. Last weekend I found myself compulsively checking when he was online on fb upsetting myself thinking 'he's not been online for a few hours , shit he must be with her'. I'm determined not to do that this weekend. Anyway, I'm going out with a mate sat night round pubs, and then on Sunday I'm meeting an old (male) friend from 20 odd years ago to walk his dog and go to for a pub lunch. I reconnected with this guy last weekend ... I saw he was online in the wee small hours on fb, I was feeling v. low and messaged him. He's buoyed me up a lot this week, his wife left him about a year ago, he sank into a deep depression but is now pulling himself out of it. I've told him I'm not ready for a relationship (or hookup) so don't think I'm leading him on. But can't help appreciating the flirting and attention ... is that wrong?!

Well done everyone, we'll get there!! X

What is grey rocking OldBook?
I may have to look that up. You are doing SO WELL. It must be hard being in his orbit like that.
ThePartingLass yes its the time alone that is hard not to dwell.
NK I agree it is a lovely group.
I dont always have the energy to post much / in the evenings so sorry but I think we all contribute and gain from it. Certainly I find your input very helpful, as well as OldBook getting there, teens ginger and many others.

ps gettingthere so glad your health worries are off you mind now.x

Never heard of grey rocking will look it up. I didn't declare nc either but the last thing I said to him was New Year clean slate. He responded with a winking emoji and I ignored it. That was our last correspondence. I'd be more of a fan of the breezy hello than avoiding. Fake it til you make it.

TheParting the old pal sounds like a welcome distraction. No harm in meeting up and seeing how things go.

Basseting We are all honest and advice comes from a good place. I feel like I have a great sounding board on here for scenarios like I had the other day

AIBU to ask you all for a handhold?

CF of a NC bloody messaged me this afternoon and he's being a git. The kids have been a nightmare and I'm currently sobbing on my toilet floor unable to even think about packing or preparing for the weekend.

So sorry Errinoc my hand is here

Thank you all...

I'm off the floor, I've sorted the car, and I've made a list...

Sigh