Fiancé came home and told me to leave

[iwalyw]

My fiancé (together for 16 years) came home from work tonight and told me to leave. I had zero idea that anything was wrong but according to what he has said (very little) my personailty has changed a little and he no longer loves me. That is litterally all he will say apart from he just wants to be single.

I asked if there was anyone else and of course he said no, I said there must be a reason to go from a happy long term relationship to not loving me and wanting me out in the space of a work day. He just keeps repeating thr same things. Single. Personality (though he wont tell me how I have changed just that I have)

I asked if we could talk about it and try to make whatever is wrong right. He said no. He has just finished booking me a flight back to my family. I will be leaving at 9am. After 16 years this is how it ends? I have no idea how to process all this. No idea where to start. I feel sick. I would understand if he had come home to find me in bed with someone, but I havent done anything wrong and he is treating me with so much hate.

Yesterday we we planning to book a meal for tonight thats how normal everything was. He went to work and came home and did this.

Please help me understand.

What a heartless bastard. May not seem like that now, but he has done you a massive favour, you dodged a bullet.

I would guess you do have an entitlement . He has given you no time in the house alone .

I hope you are with your family now and they are supportive .

No matter you did not deserve this . Do get legal advice if you are unable to work now and have previously worked I am guessing you have put something into the house .

After 16 years you should have some entitlements. Please seek legal advice. Don't let any man treat you this way!

What a cruel poor excuse for a human. I'm so angry on your behalf, who does he think he is to treat someone else like this?
I hope you are safely home and getting some comfort from your family. X

You poor love! I cannot believe how he has treated you, get a cojole.of days of getting over the shock while you are with your mum then get some legal advice. He has treated you appallingly and you must be entitled to something from your time there! You will be happy again and look back and see what a lucky escape you've had

I genuinely don't know what to make of this thread...what an absolute selfish prick...you are well shot of him...but please make use of the advice on here, stand up for yourself and don't make this easy for him, he shouldn't get to just walk away that easily after so many years...but please take care of yourself..

sending best wishes and heart felt hope you will recover from this OP

I really really hope that you are ok. Just hugs really for you

How cruel

Wow op I'm speechless. So fucking sorry.

He is clearly not the man you loved.
To be so cruel and heartless.

Talk about personality change?! He's the one with the problem.

Do you think he's had some sort of midlife crisis?

I'm shocked that you could leave with so few possessions too. After 16 years you must had left so much stuff.

Assuming you're still in the same country? If there is anything you have forgotten that is important then get the twat to send it to you, its the least he can do.

You may never get the answers you deserve op but please don't let him ruin your future.
You have done absolutely nothing wrong.

Karma will bite him on the arse for sure.

That was such a nasty thing to do; he isn't the man you thought he was. Do grieve, it's like a bereavement so don't be embarrassed by your feelings.

You will be OK though. You will get through it and out the other end.

Hope your flight wasn't too nightmarish, and that you find somecomfort being with your family. Take it easy.

Oh love - what a cruel, heartless beast of a human being he is. I hope you’re getting lots of support from your family.

I can feel that physical sick feeling just reading your post. Not a lot I can say to take your pain away, other than you had a lucky escape. Nobody who truly loved you could treat you in this way. Now on to rebuilding your life. Good luck, OP.

OP was just living in someone else's house. They weren't married (engagements mean nothing). She is essentially a guest or "excluded occupier". The length of time she lived there does not give her an entitlement to the house. There is no such thing as a common law wife. Nor does he have to treat her the same as a landlord has to treat a tenant. He can just ask her to leave.

england.shelter.org.uk/housing_advice/eviction/eviction_of_lodgers_and_other_excluded_occupiers

If she was actually paying the mortgage, she should see a Solicitor.

How about OP's property? Clothes, books, DVDs, toiletries, items of furniture, crockery, food, various items? If she lived there for 16 years she's bound to have more than the contents of 1-2 suitcases of stuff?

I’m so sorry OP. My ExH ended things with me in a similar way (albeit it dragged out for longer). He wouldn’t give me a single reason why he wanted to end our marriage, and to this day (over 2 years later) I still don’t really understand what happened although I have my suspicions. He said the same things to me, he wanted to be single, freedom etc. He was living with another woman within about a year, so I highly suspect an affair although I would think it was an emotional one to start with as like you, he simply had no time for a physical one.

I’m ok now, although if I stop and think about how he did what he did, it can drag me back down, but I just keep telling myself nothing about it was any fault of mine. It was all him. You are a good person deserving of kindness and love. He is a twat. You will be fine. Just focus on putting one foot in front of the other for now.

I hope that your journey to your family went well and that they will help and support you

On the positive side, you now have your freedom and a fresh start !

I would suggest
Register with local GP
Register with local job/benefit centre (some benefits cannot be back dated)
Open a local bank account
Speak to CAB who should be able to clarify if you have any rights as a "common law wife", but as you were unmarried I suspect that you were unprotected. But atleast you will have the correct information

Good luck, the first few months will be hard, but I am sure that you will have a brighter future

Dont spend your energy thinking about him, concentrate on getting your life back on to track

You deserve better !

The shock must be awful. Whatva terrible man. Hopefully when you have absorbed the shock a bit knowing he is so callous and fickle will help somehow, ie, you havent lost a good man.

You do have rights if you’ve been together this long. Unless you’ve paid no rent at all ever? If you have you’ve contributed to household. And presumably things in house bought by you both not just him?
Ask him to leave and that you need weekend at least to sort things out and you’ll send list of things you’re taking or he can give you money for things that are yours belong to both of you.
He can’t just make you homeless and not have your things.

Hugs OP. Your heartbreak will heal, I absolutely promise. It's going to hurt like hell for a while. When someone wants to walk away from us, they're ALWAYS doing us a favour. You deserve to be with someone who wants you in their life. I'm so sorry you're going through this. Sending you lots of love and strength from a stranger. You can do this. Heartbreak feels like it's going to kill you (and sometimes you wish it would), but it won't, you're stronger than this, the pain will heal and your body won't let you feel this much pain forever. Xxx

I hope you’re ok OP.

And if it’s true it’s fucking tragic and a ‘wake the fuck up’ to anyone making their life all about someone else

To the pps disbelieving op

1 it's against rules to trollhunt

2 it's entirely possible this man was controlling and isolating the op throughout the relationship so she's been trained to do as he says. Plus it's a hell of a shock and I for one can completely understand wanting to just head straight for mum!