NC Dignity Club Part 3 - Stronger Every Day

[SweetBerries]

Here we go ladies. The place we come to do the 4 c’s - confess, console, comfort and consolidate. Every one of us is on a journey here but at the end of it, we become stronger better individuals who can be better prepared for future relationships - friends and romantically.

I’m so proud of you all xx

old book he’s trying to play with your head again. Don’t fall for it. He wanted to pull you back in and it’s working isn’t it. It doesn’t take much and our guard falls.

Do not chase him about the weekend. Do the activity with someone else. Show him and yourself you don’t need him.

sorrysorrysorry

@Basseting you ok?

I feel like shits hit the fan for a few of us today. I’m sorry for everyone who is struggling. Glad we have this group to rant in. Ginger and Basseting, hang in there. Get angry and if possible channel it towards your NC!!! Feeling all these things is good.

Day 7 is almost over. Today’s been sad tbh. First time I’ve had to ignore his messages. He’s trying to be friendly but his past behaviour tells me loud and clear he is doing it to stroke his ego. Just very sad. Feeling guilty for nc.

Does anyone else get a weird restless type of energy through NC? As though all the energy I put into him is buzzing around? I probably sound a little mad .

Cried at work today. Have been feeling totally pathetic for crying and not sleeping but then I realised it's only been five days of NC/truly knowing that it's over. Five days! I've not see him for nearly three weeks and I suppose I was measuring against that. I need to let myself cry and not have to be strong all the time. Nearly a whole week without contacting him though and I am so grateful for you ladies. I've deleted all his friends from my social media and hidden his posts. One step at a time.

I'm sorry you're struggling a bit oldbook. I can understand why him denying he suggested meeting up would annoy you. But I'm also curious about what you'd lose if you didn't have this guy in your life. He seems enormously hard work for you to be around. What's the payoff for you?

More probing questions!! Obvs feel free to ignore.

icecream I had an enormous and weird surge of energy after a couple of weeks of NC, it really felt like I was regaining what I had devoted to constantly trying to manage my feelings for him. I've made lots of positive plans, it feels great

Who votes we should open the wine basseting got and and share it??

Don't let it mess with your head basseting. He's probably regretting making overtures via the postcard because you didn't 'bite' so is trying to reframe everything to make him look like the persued one instead of the persuer. I wouldn't give him room in your head.

@appella gentle hugs for you.
I've just told my kids (not that they liked him much anyway - he did steal their dog after all ) - it feels much more real now because if I go back to him I feel like I'm letting them down. Hang on in there. I've got some bumps in the road coming so we can wobble together x

@IcecreamSundays yyy to the restless energy. Horrible. Like that nasty buzzing you get from overhead power lines.

Belonger
the postcard certainly wasnt 'straight friend' stuff, was it???
( I cant even tell any more???)
and yes he seemed less than thrilled that I'm obv still mixed up about someone else. I assumed it was boredom but maybe he is jealous (seems ridiculous tho??) I just could so have done with a reliable RL friend right now and he is so much part of my younger life that I dont want to feel angry/sad about him - it spoils the past. Aaargh!

It's a Shiraz. I SO WISH I could actually send you all a glass but here is a virtual one

passes olives, nuts, freshly baked cheese straws and bowls of popcorn, and chocolate dipped strawberries.

cos, you know, we ARE worth it!

I've not been here for a while. There's been so much work and house stuff to get through but I've been proactive and using that misspent energy which I'd poured into him into something grounded and forward-looking.

But.. I went to the dentist today to see about the tooth I'd broken on Christmas Eve. She told me that I must have been through a very stressful time and I would have been clenching my jaw more and putting pressure on my teeth. I told her about my dad dying. She nodded sympathetically and then said 2018 must be about you relaxing. It's the year when you must reduce stress and I felt the tears pouring down my cheeks (which was a little embarrassing). I cried in that dentist chair because I miss my dad and because I realised, again, how much pressure I've endured these past few months, years even; just like all of you. And that man of mine? I thought he was helping, supporting, making me feel cared for but he was, in actual fact, draining my positive energy and derailing me.

In truth, that tooth I broke is more about him than any thing else; dad or divorce or our poor dog dying.

I really hope I learn from all this.

On a more positive note work is going really well and my students are expressing their gratitude concerning the work we've done together. There are some healthy connections been made here between these young people and myself.

Hugs to ALL of you.

No @Basseting it most certainly WASN'T normal friend zone stuff. I think others are right that he turned tables when he didn't get the reaction he was expecting.

Cheers for the wine. It's not you, it's him,
🍷

I bloody luffs you lot. Not been on here long but you've all made such a difference. Thankyou from the bottom of my heart xxx

Oh appella . You’re doing so well. 5 days is brilliant. 1000% cry when you need to cry. You don’t have to be strong. You just have to move through all the feelings.

to all you amazingly strong ladies.

I think we should metaphorically open the vino / fizzy elderflower / strong coffee and pass the olives / chocs / cheese /crisps

EVERY NIGHT AT ABOUT 8PM for all those that want it.

Cushions, candles, music, support and ACCEPTANCE also on offer.

(((()))) for all of us whereever we are at tonight, esp if weepy.xxx

and a big THANK YOU from me for listening to my offload (again)

YES! @Basseting. Feeling tearful again now. Evenings are the worst. 4 days no alcohol and NC of an blind since I last message him at 10:30 telling him to wind his neck in. Not going to contact him tomorrow either. If he wants to meet and talk about work he will need to instigate it. Otherwise I will work on Sunday by myself and all any any leads will be mine and he will lose out.
That is my plan for tomorrow. Plus I now have to knuckle down and get my second uni assignment finished for 29tj, as well as plan for my eldest son's 16th birthday.

Gonna keep reading when I go to bed and remind myself that he has done nothing but treat me badly, interspersed by little crumbs of loveliness in between.

And yes. We are ALL worth more. Xx

You are all wonderful

I’ll catch up on the thread later but...

Day 30!!

Oh god there must be something in the air, I've had an awful few days - ex very keen and pushing me to sell house. I love this house, only house kids have known, I decorated it etc. I went to the mortgage person today who told me I cannot afford to buy him out. (I already knew that but was hoping for a bit of leeway).
He wants to sell, has a decent income, and can afford anywhere, I'm broke and struggling. In the last year I have lost my husband, my kids half the time (50/50) and now my lovely house.
I didn't do anything wrong, I tried my best to fix marriage! he certainly didn't, and has two little trips away planned while I'm struggling to make ends meet. Sorry sounds self pitying but I'm so sad. Why did he get off scot-free ? makes me so mad.

Congratulations jesus that's brilliant!! How do you feel?

user that is horrible, and deeply deeply unfair.
I know you said you checked but I used London and Country some years back and found they could offer deals/rates others coudlnt.
But assuming its a no go even then, iam so sorry.

I find it hard that some people seem to get off scot free too.
Their behaviour can cause (repeated) devastation and they just shrug toodle pip' and off they go, into the sunset. It stinks, actually!!

Good morning all. I'm back NC after giving in to my ex's persistent requests for contact - he wants me to give him a few weeks to try to "win back" my heart. Given he was controlling and I got out and I'm finally feeling relatively calm about everything, that's not something I'm prepared to do. So...... Back to NC. Although I can't work out how to block emails from him.

Thanks belonger. I was actually pretty pleased with myself this morning.

BUT I then went and messaged him didn’t I. He’s read it and not replied. So I guess I know for sure now.