Bloody hell!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I AM FURIOUS!!!!!!
About 15m ago I separated from my H.
In that time I have contacted a few old friends on FB.
Some M, some F. HE was one and that went badly wrong. I would not have got involved with anyone else, no old flames, no OLD, just him.
The particular set of circs and my childhood issues made a perfect storm. I've got badly burned and no wish to repeat, thanks.
Another was an old 6th form boyfriend (but I didnt really think of him that way as it is what 30 yrs ago?). I contacted him on FB and he was happy to hear from me. THis was about 6m ago. We had sporadic contact every few weeks. We talked about our families, spouses, kids.I'd told him something sad about my past and he sent me a bunch of flowers. He made some useful remarks about my family of origin. I was in London for my b'day and he was the NON-HIM friend I went to the museum with. We met, I bought lunch, we looked around, he bought a light supper, he got his train. He was a bit flirty ('not here to see the museum, just you' but I didnt respond and we didnt so much as peck hello/goodbye). He'd bought me a couple of paperbacks for a gift but ended up taking them by mistake. When I got home he sent me the books and some wine. And a postcard which said: 'can it be she still doesnt know how beautiful she is. I look in her eyes and see that it is true. The man in the lift sees it too and lingers so he can enjoy her loveliness a moment longer'.
Well, it was kind (actually I am overweight and scruffy) but he is married so I ignored it and have been business like with him as I would prefer it to remain a clearly straightforward friendship. i have had enough complications!
I did tell him I had got into a tangle with an old flame last year but he didnt seem to like me talking it about it so I didnt elaborate.
We have been in touch since (both currently have similar health issues) but it has been initiated by him.
So today I get an email saying:
"If we meet again my wife would need to come along. Although she said it was my choice whether to come or not, when it came to it, I know her well enough to know she was not that happy about it. I don't think she trusts your motives, and that won't change until she meets you (if she wants to meet you even) At some point after, she said, 'if you're just old friends why did she want to meet you alone'. Nothing to worry about, but I don't think I want to risk upsetting her."
WHAT??? I didnt ask to 'meet him alone'.
Any flirty behaviour has not come from me, in fact I valued him precisely because it was a straightforward friendship and that was hugely important to me.
I feel really upset at the implication that I have 'motives'.
He is fairly well off and I am dirt poor. He said he was happy to buy lunch and dinner and I said: no I will buy lunch it is important to me.
I didnt ask for the wine (should I send it back?) the postcard, the flowers or the paperbacks. I have no 'motives' at all.
Do I reply or just never contact him again? I feel really offended.
We had been discussing holidays and I had mentioned I hoped to go to London again this summer but I had not said to meet him in particular. Perhaps he misunderstood?
Perhaps he was just curious and came for a look after all these years? (so did I I suppose, but not in that way)
I feel really upset.