NC Dignity Club Part 3 - Stronger Every Day

[SweetBerries]

Here we go ladies. The place we come to do the 4 c’s - confess, console, comfort and consolidate. Every one of us is on a journey here but at the end of it, we become stronger better individuals who can be better prepared for future relationships - friends and romantically.

I’m so proud of you all xx

I think I was feeling so much stronger after the 16 weeks NC and wanted him to see how strong I am now, and be impressed. God.

Err well that didn't quite work out to plan!

Welcome Human sorry that you have to be on here. We are a lovely bunch though and very supportive.

Ginger sorry you're feeling so sad. I am too. We can keep each other company in the misery corner tonight!

Enniroc sounds like he was quite professional in your assignment critique which is good. Sounds like he's not really interested in having a chat with you
so it's great you've drawn a line under it. It's so hard though.

Human how did you break NC? Did he draw you back in?

Must be something in the air as I’vd not felt great today either and I’m on day 27!
human I think it is so easy to get drawn back in and very quickly too. I’m worried that might happen for me, so I will try hard not to reply should he message.
Don’t beat yourself up. You’re in the right place here. No judgement just encouragement.
I’m loving the articles too. So insightful.
And whoever said it’s like ‘brain crack’ is spot on.

I would love an understanding of how men feel about nc. Either receiving or giving.
I suspect women think about it much deeper.

@Rhubarbginn it's spot on isn't it? I KNOW all the reasons we've parted are the right ones. I've allowed him to treat me so badly for so long. Yet I CRAVE him. Not that I've said that of course. I just ugly cry and binge watch Crazy Ex Girlfriend on Netflix!!!!

It definitely is a craving. I think I'd get drawn in very quickly as well.

I've identified part of my reason is PMT so that's a relief. Now I'm aware of it I can manage it to a degree.

ginger the craving is immense. Such a powerful pull. Like you, my nc is so bad for me, makes me miserable, knocks my self esteem and yet I can’t get him out of my head. Keeping my dignity is allowing me to continue nc. I do not want to undo all the progress I’ve made or have him think I’m thinking about him at all.

nk we both know it wouldn’t take much at all to get drawn back in. I’m honest with myself about that. At least because they haven’t contacted us, that temptation to respond is taken away. Although it doesn’t feel good, it is much better long term.

Honestly this thread is saving my sanity. You know what it's like in RL - there's only so much sobbing and wailing you can realistically do - esp in front of kids. Just knowing someone else is out there who understands is a massive lifeline. It's helping avoid drowning my sorrows in booze which is what I did last time to point of almost alcoholism I think. I'm not letting that happen again. Dignity and self respect for me thanks!

Rhubarb it is way better long term but feels rubbish at the moment

Is anyone else's NC really nice to them? Really complimentary and doesn't put a foot wrong but is unavailable?

nk it’s like cold turkey. Awful. Almost desperate. I really hope it does pass as I can’t be like this indefinitely!

Ginger I’m so sorry you’re feeling sad tonight. I often think In that way too, but step by step you’ll regain your self esteem and self love. Hugs to you.

Welcome human . Can I ask what your situation is? What drove you to break NC? X

Mine can be amazing. That is the pull. But for many reasons we can’t be together. And then we take out frustration out on each other and it’s vile.

Rhubarb if all them reasons were removed do you think you'd be together?

I've had nothing negative off mine except the indecent proposal. Makes it harder cos if he said even one negative thing to me I think it would turn me right off

Thanks so much for all the welcomes, guys. There was part of me that wondered whether NC was really necessary and whether I really needed to be on this thread (yes, the masochistic part that's still also in total denial).

But the amount I am relating to what you're all feeling and saying tells me this is where I need to be.

I broke no contact my deliberately turning up to somewhere I knew he would be (looking fabulous, obvs ). My reason? I honestly don't really know. The 'missing him' had been coming in waves but was so much better on the whole nearly 4 months in. I think I just talked myself round because I was feeling so much better about myself. Which was obviously stupid, because the reason for me feeling better and more powerful was sticking to the NC!

Life was also hard in other ways (my work was mental, kids had flu etc) and I felt I needed / deserved a boost and some excitement in my life. There is still part of me that's glad I did it, too. Because I did get that excitement and obsession, but just coupled with diabolical levels of disappointment and the inability to really care about anything else in my life.

I feel like if I had reached out somewhere like this thread at the time, I would have talked myself round and stuck to the NC.

But I have learned lessons for sure. And it only took me a few weeks this time to get back to the point of NC. Last time it took 6 months! So I'll just try to take the positives and move forwards.

Even though I haven't seen him or been in any contact since last Wednesday, I think this will be my Day 1. Because he didn't turn up for something today, which has made the UTTER RIDICULOUSNESS of this whole situation come crashing down on me..

for all of us. You guys are honestly great. Am working my way through the whole thread just now.

It's just sinking in how much of a slog this is going to be. Weaning myself off him. Again.

Sorry for all the posts, everyone. It all feels really scary and sad that I'll never see him again. Think it's all just hit me.

My heart goes out to you Human. It's rubbish, it really is

I think day 17 for me. NK mine was really nice to me too. Complimentary, patient, understanding, so loving, interested in me... So lovely until ghosting. Mine was bad for me in a different way. He definitely has MH issues and can't deal with problems. Just hides from everyone. Me being the needy type can't handle that. Also he smokes a lot of weed.

Sorry those of you struggling tonight. I completely get the sparkle has gone. Nothing really makes me laugh, just the fake types.

That's really tough Anxious. It's nearly worse when they are lovely.

I feel like a right misery today. I promise I'll be more upbeat when the PMT goes

Ooh I forgot to check in. It’s day 6 for me.

Still feeling shit (obviously) but I’ve been trying to stop myself going over and over things. My brain just goes round in circles and I need to figure out how to control that better.

I have no desire to contact him now, but when I do, I just remind myself that my questions will achieve nothing at all.

Sounds like a really good plan Oldbook