NC Dignity Club Part 3 - Stronger Every Day

[SweetBerries]

Here we go ladies. The place we come to do the 4 c’s - confess, console, comfort and consolidate. Every one of us is on a journey here but at the end of it, we become stronger better individuals who can be better prepared for future relationships - friends and romantically.

I’m so proud of you all xx

Day 26! Can’t believe how the days are ticking along. For those just starting out, it is hard, but life carries on. Nothing awful has happened in the 26 days and I’m feeling ok.
I miss the interaction, attention and excitement but I am not stressed, anxious or dependent anymore.

@Rhubarbginn good to know that it gets better. Just facing a huge abyss.

rhubarb you are an inspiration! That is a great update. Well done. I am getting there but not as far as you yet. You are a great story that it will come.

rhubarb have you managed to quit the sm too? If so what nc day did that breakthrough happen?!

Well done Rhubarb you are doing amazing

Unfortunately itsalottery not yet! I think it has reduced slightly, but the stalking is still there. I’m not putting pressure on myself as I think it will fade away slowly. I’m trying to remain dignified.
I think nc will message at some point. I honestly don’t know what I would do. I would like to think I’vd walked 5 miles by that point and so too far to walk back.

Didn't mean to pee on your parade rhubarb still great going! Was just checking because I'm still finding it hard not to do the sm thing although like you it is reducing so we are both moving in the right direction.

I'm doing the SM thing too. In a way I wish he'd block me so I can't. Just leaving

Rhubarb what makes you think he will contact you? I'm being curious!

The last few times my guy messaged me was when we were both online very late so he was drunk. I've gone to bed early at the weekends so I've removed the temptation for both of us. At this stage I can't see him messaging. Which is both good and bad.

Thank you all for your kind words, I’ve a feeling the rest of the week may be difficult so I will make sure to check in here every day. Itsa, I also find myself ruminating over what has been lost and thinking about the good times. For every good time, try to remember a few more reasons why you’re going NC.

Has anyone read the no contact rule? I’m reading it at the moment. It’s empowering and helping me when I feel myself wobbling. OldBook, the author talks about how messaging is lazy communication and if your NC truly cared, he/she would not be sending a message.

Thank you for the link OldBook, I had a read and it helped me in feeling that it’s possible to move on whilst working together. I think I’ve failed NC in the past due to me not feeling confident that I could ever do it to begin with as we work together.

Have you a link for The No Contact Rule Icecream

nk my nc is abroad at the moment. He is due to return next week and I think he may message then. We had ‘words’ before he went about everything being on his terms. My needs were never met and if I tried to tell him I was dismissed. It’s the longest we haven’t spoken for, as we used to speak a lot.
He is not good for me, but I was definitely addicted to him or the excitement. But I was also miserable when the lows hit.
I really hope I genuinely have moved on and can remain strong if he messages. I am still angry with how he spoke to me. I do not wish to return to sleepless nights and upset.

Rhubarb come on here before you reply! We'll give you advice 😊

I wish I thought my nc would message me at some point but I know he won't. I just need to keep on walking:(. Might need new shoes..

In some ways I hope he doesn’t message. I’ll gave def walked a few miles by then. But then part of me wants him to message, prob to satisfy my own ego and give me some control

And I’ll def come on here. I’ll be v surprised if his message is anything more than ‘how are you’?
How would you even respond to such an effortless message?

Nk - The No Contact Rule www.amazon.co.uk/dp/146639577X/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_api_H8NxAbYAFHMCA?tag=mumsnetforum-21

It’s really good, by the author of baggage reclaim if you’ve heard of that 😊

rhubard Do you still feel the urge to message? I’m on day 28 and it’s still there.

jesus there is an urge, but my pride is stronger! I want to exit it with my head held high. I’ve lost part of myself knowing him and I need to at least keep my dignity.

@Rhubarbginn that's how I feel too. Although I did message him last night just to say I hoped he was doing ok. He's ignored me.

Typical controlling behaviour though because if he wants a reply from me, he'll hound me until il reply.

It's made me realise what a game player he is and though it hurts that he's deliberately not replied to fuck with my head, it makes me realise how fucked up we were.

@OldBook I'm going to print that out x

OMG...

some guardian angel must be looking over me - the text with the link to the sad song etc didnt go (I've been having trouble with my phone).
Huzzah!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

So I have sent a v short text reply to the HB text of nearly a week ago:

'Thanks, i had a lovely time. I sent you a short email re ds/business. Am hoping to get all set up before (surgery date next month). B.

INFINITELY BETTER..

I suspect there will be no reply (he will have his head up his arse about some arcane piece of research / sore tooth crisis...) but at least I will know then he intends to offer nothing to me (whilst still hoping for sex/promise of sex when I am in town...)