NC Dignity Club Part 3 - Stronger Every Day

[SweetBerries]

Here we go ladies. The place we come to do the 4 c’s - confess, console, comfort and consolidate. Every one of us is on a journey here but at the end of it, we become stronger better individuals who can be better prepared for future relationships - friends and romantically.

I’m so proud of you all xx

Thank you so much Basseting. Your support really helps. Definitely the longer NC passes the more it helps.

So sorry to hear of your loss NK Your truths lately have been very touching to read. The realisation.

Icecream I worry about my NC too as really do know something was wrong but whether it is still is I don't know. How have you felt when you have contacted him.after break ups before in his work absense? Has there ever been anything to be concerned about.

App Sorry, it is again the realisation isn't it. Really hard to swallow.

Sorry I haven't commented on everyone. So tired and just sad tonight. Can't seem to concentrate. Hugs to everyone that is struggling. Damn these men.

Sorry to hear you are upset Anxious. It's a horrible way to be.

Yes- the realisation and admitting the truth to yourself. It's very tough but part of the healing process. That's why I'd be very reluctant to break NC now. I've come too far and deserve so much more. We all do.

Thanks Oldbook I appreciate that.

Yes there seems to be a lot of long lost exes popping up. Must be a thing.

I’m sorry for your loss NK . Well done for staying strong, despite needing that temporary comfort he may give to you.

Anxious, I’ve always been drawn back in through contacting him when I am worrying about him. He’s been having difficulty coping with some issues recently and has experienced MH problems as well. I keep reminding myself tonight of all the selfish things he has done to me in the past - but my problem is I will make excuses for him. I still believe he is a good man. Just not to me. Oh golly I can feel myself moving back into a train of thought I don’t want to be...

For me, my NC gave me a glimpse of my life as it was all those years ago! All so tempting to get swept away with it all but the reality is that my life has changed. He’s very much someone who lives in the moment.

I don’t want to feel anger or bitterness towards him. I want to reach indifference but I’m just not yet sure how to get there. One thing I’ve found that helps me is when I think of him and find myself getting upset, anxious and sad is to let those feeling just pass. To say to myself yes, I’m feeling this now but it will pass. And to remind myself that they are only thoughts. I think we give too much power to our thoughts and they can drive us into the ground. Acceptance of the situation I hope will help me to become indifferent so that one day I’ll wake up and not think of him. The hurdle is that I still care about him and indifference seems a hundred miles away.

Sending positive thoughts to anyone feeling upset and sad tonight.

oldbook your comment earlier today about someone liking you just enough resonated. Just enough to enjoy our company as long as on his terms and no true expectations. This was totally how I felt and couldn't take any more. It's so hard to let go though when our feelings are so much stronger.

anxious sorry to hear you sound so down. How many days have you done now?

Just saw your update oldbook. A good result (I think!!)

Thanks very much Icecream it's much appreciated. I believe my fella is ultimately a good man too. Just isn't behaving honourably.

Oldbook I bet you're so delighted you didnt initiate now!!! The dynamic is certainly changing in your relationship. How are you feeling?

I wouldn't cancel either although I know why you want to. It's hard to always do the 'right thing

Has anyone heard from sweetberries? Hoping she's ok.....?

Oldbook if you think cancelling is better for you long term, then I would do so

Well I managed to get to the end of the day without sending that message, so I've completed day 40 since he contacted me and 58 since I contacted him directly.

I should be pleased...

nk sorry for your loss. Tirau welcome! (not sure who you were previously sorry). oldbook sleep on it, only you can decide whats best to do?
I saw this quote 'Nothing hurts more than indifference' and thats why I'm feeling hurt I guess - NC is so indifferent to me, polite. I wish he would just lash out at me sometimes. But he is so over me now, I'm just really nothing to him.
So hurts. Anyone feel like this?

Morning all. Checking in for Day 15.

Oldbook I agree with the others, if meeting him will set you back then I'd cancel. You do need to protect yourself and be honest with yourself. Definitely contacting mine last night would have set me back, and I'm glad I didn't contact him now.

User yes indifference is very hard to cope with.

Hi can I join? Just separated from my oh. We got back together after he cheated and stole money from my business about 18 months ago. It's just got worse and worse because I don't think I'm able to truly forgive him and he carried on repeating certain behaviours which I think are verging on abusive so I've called time on it. Extra complicated because we work together and he's fairly intrinsic to the business so i have to work out a way through that without financially ruining myself. I know it's the right decision but we've been together 6 years and he's going to leave a huge abyss. It hasn't been healthy for a while. I know that. But I'm still so sad for what should or could have been. We had some wonderful times and I'm going to miss who I thought he was. We were emailing yesterday but I was reading this thread and realised it's not helping. So I forced myself to stop and could do with a handhold! Thanks for listening/reading x