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Original poster

NC Dignity Club Part 3 - Stronger Every Day

999 replies

SweetBerries · 08/01/2018 22:03

Here we go ladies. The place we come to do the 4 c’s - confess, console, comfort and consolidate. Every one of us is on a journey here but at the end of it, we become stronger better individuals who can be better prepared for future relationships - friends and romantically.

I’m so proud of you all xx

OP posts:
gettingthereshopefully · 14/01/2018 19:29

Can I ask how your moral barometer was tested NK?

Hurrah for having values. And hurrah for recognising that, like the majority of us, you have wavered when your emotional compass was thrown by someone else.

NK1cf53daaX127805d4fd5 · 14/01/2018 19:57

Ex wanted to meet me at a hotel and I declined. I told him if we were ever single in a parallel universe I would. His response was that parallel universes were hard to come by. It was very tempting but I'm glad I said no for lots of reasons.

OldBook · 14/01/2018 20:18

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gettingthereshopefully · 14/01/2018 20:24

Yes, that's a great idea, OldBook.

gettingthereshopefully · 14/01/2018 20:26

I'm so busy with impending house buying/moving and work (steep learning curve) but I'd love to start creating for my business again; I can feel my creativity creeping back. I'm not hurrying it along but it's good to feel its presence.

Maybe I should aim for something different though. Certainly not a marathon, no! Wink

gettingthereshopefully · 14/01/2018 20:31

If we could make all our decisions with hindsight, NK, especially those relating to matters of the heart, I'm sure we'd make a lot less mistakes.

Or at least I would!

Well done for not blindly wishing to create a parallel universe by spending the night at the hotel with him. That must have been so tempting on the moment.

NK1cf53daaX127805d4fd5 · 14/01/2018 20:38

It was tempting especially as my feelings all came flooding back when I accidently bumped into him. But he's clearly not the gent I dated 17yrs ago. His biggest plus then was his unfaltering loyalty. Clearly that's changed over the years.

gettingthereshopefully · 14/01/2018 20:49

That's sad NK.

gettingthereshopefully · 14/01/2018 20:52

I think that's one of the things I miss the most about my father. He was a man of his word, loyal and reliable. I grew up assuming that these traits were shared by most but I've learned that, sadly, it isn't the case.

NK1cf53daaX127805d4fd5 · 14/01/2018 20:58

It is sad Getting. My Dad is the same and my ex was like that. He did say that he had never done anything like that before (suggested a hotel) and I am inclined to believe him as very out of character but at the end of the day he was still willing to cheat on his gf.

Itsalottery · 14/01/2018 21:19

Hello all. Just checking on for nc16. I can't believe I've got here and starting to feel like a normal person again. I feel like those of us that have been here for a while sound stronger and more resilient even if we've had bumps along the way and a few breaks in the nc putting us back to day 1 again.

I hope that this gives comfort to those that are nearer the start or just contemplating it. It gets easier and if at the start you feel like you can't breathe like I felt then know that although I still hurt I don't feel like that anymore so the nc is working. :)

OldBook · 14/01/2018 21:19

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IcecreamSundays · 14/01/2018 21:28

Belonger, thank you 😊. I feel as though I have reached the end this time, I’m no longer making excuses for him and I do feel calm and rational this weekend. Saying that, I think I’m tricking myself and acceptance isn’t there yet - it will come for all of us though. I have faith in that.

Appella Flowers try to focus on the fact that him not messaging us a blessing. Him messaging would open up new hurts, throw you off balance and take you back to the start of this all. I know exactly how you feel and we’re all here to support. But our NCs messaging does not change them, who they are or what they’ve done, it’s just a plaster. And you’re choosing a better route in the long term.

Well done NK for turning down the offer. I know how hard it would be for me to turn my Nc down, but then we all know how easy it is to get hooked back in emotionally Sad. X

OldBook · 14/01/2018 21:42

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NK1cf53daaX127805d4fd5 · 14/01/2018 21:43

Itsa you're doing fab. It definitely does get so much easier with time. I'd definitely be very reluctant to break it now. And now that Xmas and New Year are out of the way there is no reason/excuse for me to break NC. The longest I'd gotten to was 19 and I'm not too far away from that now.

Oldbook I really value chivalry the older I'm getting. My stbxh is in no way chivalrous and I hate it.

Ice-cream I was tricking myself for a good 2 months but acceptance finally came this weekend. It will come to you too and you sound very self aware.

Belonger · 14/01/2018 22:07

Just giving myself a quick Star for deleting a nothingy message from him. I'm back on the wagon.

NK1cf53daaX127805d4fd5 · 14/01/2018 22:09

Well done Belonger. What did he say?

anxiousnow · 14/01/2018 23:07

Well done Belonger.
Validation. Yes, so charmed by all the compliments and loved up eyes staringat me. It is so true about nor letting them get to us. We would all tell each other not to listen to something negative about us so why do we get so swamped by the gushy compliments.
My Dad is old school gent too. Although I have realised he is slightly controlling.
My NC was desperate for me to believe he was a gent and wouldn't mess me around. That if things changed between us tgat he would be upfront and not cheat or ghost.
My H was a proper gent for years. Like 17 years. Then upped and changed. If you can't trust someone after 17 years when can you.
Well done everyone. I just love how everyone is so accepting supporting on here. What these men have taken yet we can still be there for othets. Star for everyone

anxiousnow · 14/01/2018 23:08

Basseting we will be here for you tomorrow

user1493423934 · 14/01/2018 23:55

Hi,
Having a wobbly day here. Just feeling so sad ex feels nothing for me, and wants me out of his life asap. I mean nothing to him (He has told me I'm no longer part of his life). I would do anything just to hold him one last time, to make love . . . I miss him so much. I hate that he is getting away scot free and having the time of his life. He's still good looking with a good job, really appealing to other women (Lots of young pretty women at his work). I'm bloody poor single mother with hardly any money. I hate it. All the men I know are married dads so hope there haha. Sorry to derail the thread but has anyone else felt like this?

OldBook · 15/01/2018 00:42

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JesusChristFenton · 15/01/2018 03:49

Has anyone listened to Dua Lipas new songs IDGAF? It’s actually quite empowering and can fit with some of our situations.

Did you hear anything about lunch oldbook?

And yes user I totally get it. Like how can they just move on without a second thought and here we are struggling. It’s just not fair, do they feel anything?

OldBook · 15/01/2018 04:23

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NK1cf53daaX127805d4fd5 · 15/01/2018 07:44

Morning all. Checking in for Day 14. Sorry to hear you're having such a bad day User. It must be very hard to see your ex moving on.

Jesus will check out that song.

Oldbook well done on not contacting re: lunch. I'd be surprised if he hasn't noticed. I'm aiming to beat my previous count of 19 days as well. I'm not too far from it now!

Belonger · 15/01/2018 07:59

Morning everyone. Checking in for day 2. Feeling good, but can't seem to shake off lingering cough from horrible cold I had over Christmas. Are you over yours now NK?

oldbook stay strong! You'll feel so rubbish if you do contact him about that lunch. Remember that saying about if you keep doing what you've always done, you'll get what you always got?

user sorry you were feeling so low, I hope it helps to share your feelings here. Hope you have a better day today.