NC Dignity Club Part 3 - Stronger Every Day

[SweetBerries]

Here we go ladies. The place we come to do the 4 c’s - confess, console, comfort and consolidate. Every one of us is on a journey here but at the end of it, we become stronger better individuals who can be better prepared for future relationships - friends and romantically.

I’m so proud of you all xx

oldbook Don't contact him about lunch!! Don't put yourself in harm's way.

I had my nice evening. I enjoyed it.
I throws into relief how little of my life is like that.
How much I need to change (to make me less vulnerable to HIM)
Today is not too bad as travelling and getting kids ready for back to school tomorrow.
Tomorrow is the day I dread.
I am not working atm due to health issues and I will crash like a crashing thing.
So I might not be back on today but wishing you all love and luck in NC or at least C on your terms.

Day7 begins (this time last week we were making love :(

Morning all. Day 13 for me.

Oldbook do not contact him. You want to change the dynamics so sit on your hands!

Belonger did you initiate contact or respond?

Feeling okay today. The days seem to be going quicker. I know he won't contact me so I'm not waiting anxiously by the phone.

nk I responded but I think may have initiated once. I think I was a bit 'what the hell' once I realised I was going back to day 1 anyway!

nk day 13 is brilliant, well done. You sound very strong and calm.

basseting have a good day today and we'll be here for you when you need us.

Belonger lol at the what the hell. I'd be exactly like that!

Not sure about me being strong, more that I'm resigned to the fact that this is how it has to be. I do feel good about things though but I know if he messaged I'd reply.

Basseting I think you're really brave not responding to him. I really do

Bassetting and NK good work, keep it up!
oldbook I'd like to know when it gets easy too. So hard at the moment. Boo.

Oldbook don't do it. He asked you. Please don't chase him.

User I'm at Day 13 now. For me it's gotten way easier from Day 11. What day are you at?

Desperate to message and reach out to try and reconcile but I know that's not a good idea. So I'm posting here instead....

Good for you appella, well done. Absolutely not someone who is worth any effort at reconciling. I've just done an hour in the garden and feel much better for it, I get very absorbed on it (it's my age!). Is there something you can do today that helps take your mind off him? Something outdoors maybe? Or cinema?

Wouldn't it be great if we could all spend an hour or two together, over coffee or going for a walk?

appella, it's so hard. We all understand the overwhelming desire to connect again, to feel a little needed or loved. Looking in from the outside he is not worthy of you or your desire to be cherished. Someone else, further down the line, will do that job much better.

We all need to heal.

I'm very slowly working my way 'round this rented house of mine which I need to vacate in a few months with bin bags and cleaning products. I have never been so invested in this house as now; the need to leave is motivating me and grounding me in equal measures.

I'm working all day then going to dinner and a poetry event with a friend - I'm staying busy it's just always lingering... it's only been two weeks since the argument so it's still pretty fresh. Time is he best healer after all!!

Getting if only we could have a weekly 'we are awesome' coffee club!!

That, appella, would be SO good. Time is a healer, yes, and also layers of different experiences and acts of kindness from others iyswim.

Checking in for days 2 and 3!

Day 2, yesterday I really kept my mind off it. I’m conscious of just ignoring my feelings and them coming up later on, and I’m not quite sure if I’m doing that or not this time - I hope I’m not.

Last 2 times we broke up it got dragged out, it was painful. I spent weeks in bed crying, passing on social activities, skipping the gym and meals and all the things that keep me going and mentally stable. It sent me into mild depression I think. This time, I know that I need to accept its over for good. I need to look at his actions not his words. His actions tell me he’s not committed and I need to accept them as my truth and move forward.

Yesterday was nice, I even managed to go for a few drinks in the evening with some friends. I didn’t speak about him once, they’ve heard it all before and they just want me to get out of this now.

Today, I feel sad. I haven’t heard a peep from him. Maybe I want to...but I think that’s only to validate that I’m enough, that it isn’t me. But I do feel like I’m not enough. Not funny or nice or sociable enough. Not attractive enough. Not settling down material. But it will pass. I know answers will get me nowhere so I won’t ask any more. I’m trying to stay in the present and look forward to the future. But I’m worried that was my last chance.

Sorry for the rant x

Well done all of you. Weekly coffee rant would be so good!

Afternoon all. Just for people who are only a few days nc. It does get easier but you do need to really look at the relationship and confront the truth, which isn't pleasant. This is my 3rd attempt at nc but I think I'm finally getting it.

icecream I really admire how you are accepting that it's finished, even though you want that sense if validation. Sounds like you know he's not the place to go for it.

Oh golly, Belonger, it IS mostly about validation, isn't it?

Ice cream I feel like we are in quite similar situations. for you. We will get there. Still missing him so much and wish he would message but I know he won't. Have to accept that that is a reflection of the relationship

It really is about validation. I think because I haven't had any proper attention for years the thought that someone would find me attractive and say lovely things about me was so addictive

I know NK. We all need to be cherished.

I spent three hours with a man on Saturday morning who used to be a student of mine and who is about to sign up for another year and a half our classes with me. Golly! Anyway, he said the most lovely things about me over a few cups of tea, only about my personality. I took the compliments in my stride, I think, but once he'd gone I couldn't believe how his kindness and churned me up. He's married, I hasten to add, so NOTHING will ever happen with him. His validation came as a complete surprise and I realised once I'd received it how starved I felt of it, from a man, I mean.

Sorry, I meant 'year and a half of classes'.

I've heard and read that one shouldn't allow oneself to be too affected by praise or criticism from a third party. We should, instead, be calm and strong in the knowledge of our own self worth.

Yep. I'm still working on that.

That's so nice Getting and the fact that it came with no ulterior motive even nicer.

I need to do a lot of work on believing my own self-worth. I'm glad my moral barometer is up to speed but my god it nearly wasn't and was severely tested a fee months ago. Which isn't good.