NC Dignity Club Part 3 - Stronger Every Day

[SweetBerries]

Here we go ladies. The place we come to do the 4 c’s - confess, console, comfort and consolidate. Every one of us is on a journey here but at the end of it, we become stronger better individuals who can be better prepared for future relationships - friends and romantically.

I’m so proud of you all xx

Please please don’t appella. Get through tonight, sooth your hurt by reading, have a bath, go for a run, anything to stop yourself reaching to message him, you will be glad of it when this feeling passes xx

Rhubarb it is hard to resist crumbs. What I've learnt on here though is that if he contacts me again with crumbs I'll reply with crumbs. And I won't be replying straight away.

Basseting he is just downright cruel and even his card sucks. Stay away from him, he's poison.

App don't cave. He doesn't deserve you.

Icecream it's not about you. It's his issues. He can't give you what you need and it's his loss. It does get easier as each day passes. You do feel stronger and more empowered each time you resist reaching out.

Ice cream well done. That must have been really hard. Do you work with him.over the weekend or will you have a couple of days break from seeing him? I am like you and need answers. Find that very hard.

NK rhubard well done. Love the strength and that you will only give crumbs if that is what you get.
Appela you are doing so well. Agree with others. Do something you.love hot bath box set wgatever and post here. Don't mention him.
Itsa thank you I will let you know how I get on.
Bassetting special birthday star for not replying. I get what you are saying about the card. I am glad he text and sent one but even happier that you have ignored so if he is sending a stupid message by the card you have shut him up by not replying Mum's eh. I hope you are spending the evening doing something you enjoy

Sorry to be self indulgent and also a bit mental but I know he is on a date tonight and it makes me so irrationally consumed with emotions. Why can't I switch that off?

Itsa I'd be the same. I've no idea what my guy is up to and I'm glad. I'd also be consumed by it.

Anxious I find no closure hard too but I didn't get it 17yrs ago until a few years after. Doubt I'll ever get it this time but I survived once so I'll survive again.

I am not going to text. He said he wanted to see me tomorrow when we spoke on Wednesday but no message to arrange a time or place. I feel like he will not reach out again and this really is it. The fact he said that has left me waiting expecting a message and anxious to see him. I was doing okay and now waiting again for something from him has messed my brain up. Suddenly I just want to be close to him and talk to him and be held by him. But I know he doesn't want that, or he would've called. It's hard to take but I will only embarrass myself and hurt more if I chase him

App if he texts in the morning I'd tell him you've made plans for the day as he didn't confirm. Honestly he's an ass.

I feel similar to you. Still thinking about him a lot but I feel calmer in myself and calmer because I'm not anticipating a message.

Yes, NK, that's exactly how I feel. Like Rhubarb, the frustration has subsided.

37 days NC here. I think about him every day. Sometimes with desire, sometimes with lucidity. I'd love to hear from him because there was/is a connection between us. But I also know that there will never be a relationship with him.

I've had a good day. My classes went really well. My students were great. I've started clearing out this house, anticipating a move in three months. I even took myself to the city centre for an early music concert. I'd been invited out by a bunch of friends for drinks but I just wanted to be alone surrounded by musicians.

But I still feel sad although it's not that horrendous intense, painful sadness which came from frustration and uncertainty.

I think OldBook's description of his birthday card is very fitting Basseting. How else could it make you feel but empty and unworthy when you are so deserving of love and generosity?

Wow 37 days Getting. I can't wait to get to that stage!

Thank you ladies - I've been out for dinner with a friend - will be home soon so I'm going to run a bath, stick something silly on the telly and think about all the amazing things I plan to do this year.

Lottery that's so tough! Stay distracted - how do you know he's on a date?

Back again after a few days away (at DMum's and she's very anti going on internet fro longer than 2 mins a day (sigh) and I can't hook MN to my phone).
Basseting What a shit card to send you. I would just ignore it (and him, hard I know).
Its I know how you're feeling re not knowing what he's doing. It's hard when they're openly dating.
Appela I wouldn't wait around for him, say you've got plans (even if you haven't) and do something indulgent for yourself.
I think we all deserve a pat on the back - I think this is the hardest time of year to be newly (or maybe not so newly) single. Was talking to a friend yesterday and she pointed out this time of year is rough due to extra parties, celebrations etc - and its very 'couple' oriented. So, congratulations everyone.

appella because of mentally looking at his online which has been manic and then nothing this evening. I need to stop and do know this makes me sound unhinged. Tomorrow is a new day and I will stop looking...I intend to anyway. I hate being so mad!

Its I remember an email I got from my (very blunt but lovely) friend when i asked her to stalk OW's instagram (OW had blocked me):
"User, you've got to stop obsessing about these people or it will come to seriously affect your mental health. What exactly is being achieved by stalking?"
Hard I know and tempting to stalk, but maybe step away from sm. Its shit when you've just broken up, but every time I go to stalk I remember that email.

Sorry didn't mean to sound so harsh in my last message!

Thanks user I know you're right. It helps to know you wanted to do it too so I'm not completely mad and also good to be told to not do it. Tomorrow will try to be my non sm stalking day 1!

You really didn't sound harsh x

Oh everyone stalks (or wants to) its perfectly natural. Ex doesn't really update sm that often but OW does. Shes quite paranoid as she's blocked me, all my family and my friends on fb and instagram, and me on everything else.
Yeah that was just an excerpt from a longer email my friend sent me (She sent a follow up email saying 'I hope you don't think I'm telling you off, I just care about you') - I have pinned it to my ph every time I'm tempted to contact/stalk. Helped me a great deal.

I stalk and have also asked friends to stalk and been told off nicely by them. I also know it sounds unhinged. I was telling my friend about the woman he added as a friend the other day and how it l7st be his new interest. Actually saying it out loud was sooooo embarrassing. itsa I think i know what mine is doing from stalking bit I don't. He could have broke his phone or lost Wi-Fi or be with a friend. Anything. I do also fully get how consuming it is. I started stalking the gym friend who looks like me that he added too yesterday
Omgi am so glad I have you all. How embarrassing.

App enjoy your silly tv etc. The being held is a massive thing for me too.

NK yes you will be ok.

Getting 37 days!! Glad you have had a good day.

I have a date next month coming up that means something to.us both. I have now pinned my hopes on that triggering something in him. I know I am setting myself for a fall but actually make up senarios in my head of him on that day I am aware if you knew my address you would get me sectioned admitting that