Just discovered OH is with someone else

[Fosterdog123]

Been together 12 years. Last 2 years have been tough - last 12 months particularly so but we were limping on. My gut instinct made me go digging. He is with a 20-something beautiful young woman. He's a walking fucking cliche. My knees are like jelly and I feel sick to the pit of my stomach. I want nothing more to do with him but I feel like I've been dropped into a surreal dream/nightmare. I have lost so much recently and this is the final blow.

Kath - you are a gem 💎

Oh foster, I'm sorry it's so hard at the moment. What a horrible 3 years .

I've cried at the Samaritans a number of times in my life. They don't mind. Don't rule it out if it might be useful.

This will pass, and you will feel better again, as hard as it is to see that when you're in the depths of it.

You’re better than all this.... well done for getting through the first month

I do think that he really doesn’t have any morals and is only sorry that you found out as now you won’t play this game and he misses you

He’s not man enough to call a bastard but simple pond life

Morning foster,

I am so sorry, what a cow letting you down at the last minute when you need her most. Have you rescheduled something for Monday?

It’s totally normal to be up and down after something this big. Some days will be better than others. It’s good you’re coming
on here to talk, we’re all hear for you.

Xx

So very sorry you are feeling this way. This is the worst part of a break up - when you stop feeling quite so strong. It WILL get better. Are you close enough with any of your friends where you can just tell them the truth, tell them you feel rotten and you really need them. You come across so strong on here, perhaps they have no idea how you are truly feeling.

I know I keep saying it but truly, I am so grateful for the responses and support on here. The kindness of complete strangers is amazing. My words are just texts on a screen but I am a real person at the other end, feeling shitty and writing drivelling woe is me nonsense pouring my heart out and getting kind, empathetic responses back makes such a difference.

I do have friends who I can talk to. I'm not totally isolated. I'm out tonight, out Monday and Thursday next week, so it's not all bad but I miss my best friend (female) and my partner. We didn't have problems. We didn't have issues to fix. We were ace together. I know he felt the same. He thought I was funny, clever, witty, sharp, sexy. It just seems that he wants that with more than one woman.

As the days tick on with no more contact from him, I think it gets easier. As soul-destroying as it is, at the same time, it inches me towards coming to terms with the fact that it's over. It's such a bizarre thing though - to go from having this man in my life to overnight just nothing and knowing I will never see him again. Knowing that he's still out there, living his life with someone else - someone who isn't me. Ah well. Each time he pops back up, it sets me back a bit though, so no contact is good.

Feeling a bit brighter today. Sunny weather and no rain helps!!

And yes, the chocolate is indeed cadburies. In fact, breakfast was eggs and avocado followed by a dairy milk oreo mint chaser 😄

If I go on holiday, it will be by myself and then I will just be somewhere different doing something different but still by myself. I'm not up for that at the minute. I travelled lots too when I was younger and it's not something I want to do so much any more. Been round the world several times but am more of a home bird now.

I do still do my hobby - just in a different capacity at the mo.

Volunteering at dog shelter isn't for me. I lost a foster dog last year (she is still alive, not pts) and it was a bloody stupid decision I made and I'll never get over it. I do some other volunteer work though, both with children and with older folks.

You sound like a fab person OP. Interssting and fun and he is a damn bloody idiot to let you go. I really believe that. He will one day too!

You're bound to have ups and downs, this has been a massive blow to you. But it will get better and you will rise again, even more fabulous than before

Samaritans are very good there to just listen I felt like a fool calling them but was so alone you can just vent.Relate are good I went alone not like counselling they just listen and understand make u realise it is not about you at all.I had massive group of friends can count on one hand now but these things sadly show peoples true colours your friend who let u down is vile I hope u take up offers of posters on here to meet up i have been let down so badly I hope the penny is dropping for him stay strong

Hi Foster
I echo what others have said - you sound amazingly together and strong about this. I know that's no comfort of course.

I'm in a very similar position to you. My DP very suddenly dumped me last month and I'm shellshocked. He's been slow with information as to why but what he has said has been a huge surprise and it's been devastating.
That's the worst thing, I think. Feeling you know someone, feeling safe and then suddenly - they're gone and it feels such a massive loss and so shocking that the man you thought you knew....you maybe didn't. How can that be?!

I really feel for you and really empathise. It's such an enormous loss. I harbour some feelings of wanting to change his mind still, and weirdly, I wish I could be as strong as you and stand firm in kicking him to the kerb. My friends who know are pretty united in thinking I should walk right away. It's never that simple, is it.

I don't mean to hijack and just talk about me, just wanted you to know that you're not alone. I find it staggering that these men have behaved as they have, it's just so devastating - and for absolutely no good reason.

Take care of yourself. I'd be happy to chat if you'd like to at any time.

I wouldnt want to go a2ay for 2 weeks on my own either. I went to alicante for 3 nights once and i did relax. I dont want to haveto use bravery on holiday.

Maybe next summwr i will go on a jewellery making course i saw. Again only 4 days long i think.

I think you will be fine. You seem to be a lovely person who will easily get back on track with a bit of time to get over what he has done.

Hi op thought of you today , hope you're doing ok, I have to say that you've handled this whole event admirably , I actually think you should write a book on how to dump people with style & grace! You really should!

One of my best friends was into mlm at one point , i was tired of her trying to sell me crap I was really close to telling her to fuck the fuck off and then fuck off some more . She's now over it but she did cut off a lot of her prior friends which I think she really regrets now. It really was like a cult.

Anyways wishing you continued strength and hope you have a good weekend xxx

God I cried a river at my bastard ex. Now with a lovely man and couldn’t be happier.
What a favour he did me.

I know where my husband is every night...beside me... I never had that peace of mind with bastard ex

My book would be very short, with just one line - Bollocks to you, you deceitful twat.

After radio silence for 2 weeks, Ive woken up to the ramblings of a madman. A pissed madman. He calls me stubborn, again and that he knows he's talking to himself but I've ignored him for years anyway and I hope you're happy.

Ignored him for years????? He's deranged. As for happy, yeah, I'm fucking ecstatic.

I went for a sneaky peek on his sm account. He's made it private now.

Instant anxiety back. Happy Monday everyone. 😄

Ah so it's all your fault that he had to shag a 20yo is it? I see!

He's moving into the rewriting history mode now to blame you. What a knob.

Thing is though, I never ignored him. I adored him. He had my undivided attention. There are no grounds for him to allege it. I didn't go off him, neglect him, avoid him, nothing. I have no idea why he thinks or says so. He's genuinely deluded in saying it.

And now I've replied. The sm thing has made me really angry. I've just said, what the hell is wrong with you, what do you want from me. You have a beautiful new girlfriend, go and concentrate on her and enjoy your life.

I've been reading and feeling for you, Fosterdog123, but haven't posted as had nothing helpful to say. But your reply to his last message has prompted me to ask, do you not think he wanted to have his cake and eat it and was furious with you when you kept your dignity when you found out and declined to participate in the arrangement?
for what you are going through.

Perhaps the girl was supposed to be a bit of fun for his trip? Complete head f^ck!!!

I think of you often

Oh @Fosterdog123 I can feel your pain, and went through something similar. They "like" SM posts as a passive interaction that you don't have to/can't respond to. I always felt like he was keeping me "warm" in case things fell through with the new woman.
He married her (and I married someone that made me so much happier than he did)
I know that his unhappiness comes from within himself and he moves on and tries to fill that void with a different long term partner (I was third, wife is fourth, all his friends are waiting for the fifth!)
Sending you strength.

Yeah, I'm pretty certain there's been a cake eating scenario going on in his head. He'll have been furious, sad, frustrated, amused probably at various points. Has he got no shame though? Not a shred of remorse or guilt? How can he have done this to me and at no point even feel the tiniest desire to apologise? HOW has he got the brass neck to keep coming back to me? I know this guy inside out (or thought I did anyway) and yet I just can't fathom out wtf he's thinking.

Fosterdog, is it not time to block him now? By doing that you can take back control, so that he can no longer mess with your head whenever the urge takes him.
Reading the thread through, you’ve coped so well, but he still has ‘access’ to you whenever he wants via text. That’s causing you pain and allowing him to ‘dangle’ you emotionally. Block the bastard.

There's no introspection at all going on. No wondering why he's done what he's done. How he can just fuck with someone's life so casually. It's all about me. I'm stubborn, I ignore him, he hopes I'm happy (not).