Just discovered OH is with someone else

[Fosterdog123]

Been together 12 years. Last 2 years have been tough - last 12 months particularly so but we were limping on. My gut instinct made me go digging. He is with a 20-something beautiful young woman. He's a walking fucking cliche. My knees are like jelly and I feel sick to the pit of my stomach. I want nothing more to do with him but I feel like I've been dropped into a surreal dream/nightmare. I have lost so much recently and this is the final blow.

He wants you - or he wants you to want him

A head fuckery one. All is not well in paradise I expect. He’s doing it to mess with your head, that’s all there is to it. Please don’t let him. Have you blocked both his accounts?

She's just for show and for looking at. You represent the whole package and he's probably coming to realise that's quite a thing to miss

You didn't respond to his "miss you" message. He still wants to be in touch, this is his way of sending you another message. Agree all may not be well in paradise.

He can't have me. He just can't. It didn't need to be like this. If he'd have engaged his brain for 2 seconds (if he could have spared the blood that had rushed to his dick) and gone about it all a different way, we could maybe have been friends at some point. Instead, he lied and lied to me and now he thinks a couple of paltry messages and a fucking 'like' can undo all that. Well it can't and it never will.

On the friends front, yet another one bites the dust. A friend of 16 years (a very good friend at that) has only gone and got herself involved with MLM (and constantly posts bloody ridiculous happy clappy shite on SM). She tried getting me on board and I've very firmly resisted it and so now she's distanced herself from me. She used to be 'normal' and not into this kind of shit. It's like a cult.

he wants you there as a Safety net when SpingChick Miss runs off with half his money and his dignity...

She defo won't get money! She might never leave him either though.

I can't remember who it was who said it on here but someone said, what WILL they talk about! It's really stuck with me. I mean, talking probably isn't taking up toooooo much of their time right now but when they're not shagging like rabbits they'll still have times when they have to converse about something. When they're gazing at each other across the candlelit table, I wonder what they chat about. She might be really cultured though, saying that (I'm a heathen about all that kind of stuff) and she might be have him rapt about books, theatre, art, opera, ballet, literature. Who fucking well knows or cares

Exactly, who cares? She might be cultured and wonderful but on the other hand she might be a vapid airhead who bores him to death. Theres the age gap too, how much can they have in common?

MLM is the worst. I've lost several friends through it, I cannot stand seeing people I care about self sabotage all over social media so I end up unfollowing or they unfriend me when I refuse to either buy their miracle cures or over priced make up or blow a load of money joining their scheme and being tied to posting happy clappy scripted shite.

How are you today? I'm in a bad mood, not sure why just woke up on the wrong side of the bed and struggling to motivate myself to get up and do anything despite it being a beautiful day here.

I can't stand happy clappy positive life affirming bollocks. I much prefer misery and moaning realism. It's all, 'hey, let's all celebrate the wonderful women we are and our achievements and our wonderfulness and all the wonderful things we do'. Yuk 😝

Perhaps though you could do with a dose of it if you've woken up in a grump!! I can send you some links if you like Well......

Haha...I'm sure a good dose of juice plus or some mascara that is "Just sooooo amazing hun, u'll luv it" or whatever crap they're peddling would sort me right out. After all, aloe vera cures every form of illness under the sun right?

I'm still in a grump, not helped by dh's ex sending me nasty messages. Cow bag. Its upsetting as she and I got along well initially which was great for his kids but she's turned on him and me and constantly sends texts ranting.

I have wine in the fridge and chocolate on the side but am determined not to open either until 7! Currently watching two pigeons going at it in the garden with the dog snoring/farting by my feet and mumsnetting. I found a good box set called A young Doctors Notebook which I'm going to binge on. Tried to persuade dog to go for a walk but he's flat out!

His likes on SM are just another attempt to reel you in as you’ve not responded to his ‘I miss you’ it does make me chuckle that me. like him won’t apologise or admit what they did was shitty, because it’s an ego thing. But that’s the one and only thing that may get you to have a conversation with him.

Agree re the reeling in. Things mustn't be so bright and shiny with his new lady friend. Hope you are doing ok?

I'm still feeling pretty downbeat to be honest. I guess the dust is settling a bit, I've not heard from him and I miss what we had.

Hi Foster. I've been lurking. You're ace.
I'm sorry it's still feeling horrible.
I'd say that your downbeatness, whilst it must be shit, sounds pretty healthy. The fact that you're enduring it rather than, say, going for temporary alleviation by giving him a ring or responding fullsomely to his texts, will mean that a) you're feeling shit in the meantime, and b) you're getting through it and over it and will arise anew.
Hang on in there. And accept some MN and

Is there anything you can distract yourself with for right now?

Sorry u are down so hard.It takes one second to like a piture or text you know he is with her.My ex kept in touch the whole time little did I know he was on 3 week holiday I booked with her I refused to go to give him space!!when our children went out he put her up in a hotel.I had no clue she was there till looked at social media.Last week of holiday he proposed to her expensive ring.Returned home not our home to apartment he had set her up in.5 years later he is with her baby he is now 50.You have been so strong I was stupid believed.Block him its horrible waiting for scraps you deserve so much more

Thank you all so much for your kind words. I don't feel ace. I wish I did have a distraction.

Friend with new man stood me up at the last second last night. I got in touch, she said, fabulous, let's meet up. Insisted on date and time and then as I was walking out through the door, text to say, can we rain check, I feel like shit, can we do Monday instead.

I'm struggling with everything to be honest. 3 years ago, I had parents, a partner, great friends, a great job, an all consuming hobby I loved. I now have no parents, no partner, no job, no mates and my hobby is on the back burner for now. I'm struggling to get up in the morning. I've thought of phoning the samaritans ffs but I'd just cry and not get any words out and it wouldn't change anything anyway.

Could I ask you what your hobby is? Maybe this would be a great time to start getting back into it.

Keep your spirits up fabulous @fosterdog!
It is a blip.

Sorry to hear you are so low
I’ve been lurking on your post as I found it unbelievably sad, that again, a selfish man can hurt someone so deeply after a long relationship.
The older I get, the more I see this happening

Been there and got the t shirt myself, all I can say is hang in there, each day you will experience all sorts of emotions and there’s nothing you can do except let them wash over you
I maintained my dignity and self respect, and as far as he was concerned I just disappeared, no contact, no SM, I made decisions and got rid of all reminders, moved house and started counselling. I lost good friends forever, I made huge life changes but through all the crap I just kept going
It’s been over a year for me and it still hits me every morning but slowly it’s getting better, I still miss him and our life together but my new life is taking shape as yours will
We are women after all and it becomes second nature to be strong
It’s still so very early days for you, and this is bringing all your other losses to the fore but I promise it does get better, life goes on but differently to what you had planned

Chin up girlie, you can do it xxx

I’m off to the pub now, in my old life, that was frowned on

It is early days and he is a mind fuck for sure.

It gets better honestly. You may not feel like it will. It takes time. It takes energy to get back into things you want to do and sometimes you have to force yourself out the door. And two steps forward and one step back.

Whilst he doesn't give a shit. Has his OW. Is going to the destinations he knows with a fuck in the bag on his arm.

If you don't go out you won't meet amazing new friends to share experiences with, to meet up for supper, to plan trips and activities with. It actually all starts with you deciding to engage with life again. It's within your own control where your future takes you.

But yes it hurts like fuck and a big stone seems a great place to hibernate ... I know this so well. But it's not doing you any good is it? It didn't me.

So sorry you are low Foster. My heart goes out to you- any chance you could get away for a bit? Anywhere at all really, a single friend of mine did a cookery thing in Italy for a week if that might float your boat? ( I'd rather being lazy myself 😊. Or an activity break- horse riding (ahem 😂) . I think your response to this shitstorm is perfectly understandable. There are so many people out there looking for friendship & company- you are so thoughtful and genuine you deserve the very best. Cup of tea and hugs for you 💐

A well known phrase keeps popping into my head when I follow your thread Foster.

"And what exactly did you see in the millionaire Paul Daniels?"

It is still very very early days, you've a very long way to go before you begin to heal. Your anger at the minute while cathartic is so draining and all encompassing.

The same for shithead. To be blunt he's still enjoying the young lady and pretending in his head he's 25 again. This will get tiring soon, I'm pretty sure in a few months he will find himself in a position where the puppy dog eyes, and youthful exuberance become a bit tiresome and wearing and he'd give his back teeth for someone who he can talk to, someone who understands him, his background, his insecurities and his business. The fact he's sending you texts in the middle of the night show you're still in his thoughts somewhere and he will miss that closeness, even though it was waning in the last year (although you've said he's had a difficult year).

He will realise the grass is not greener on the other side, maybe not now but at some point. You're doing the right thing maintaining radio silence. Stay strong OP. You're not the only lonely person by any stretch disappointed by your support network. Ave you thought about volunteering at an animal shelter walking dogs etc? It's a great way to meet new people as well as spending time with some fabulous four legged friends.

If you're feeling low and need to chat I'm always here. Pm me :)

And as for the chocolate, I hope it's Cadburys. Bought a 9 pack of double deckers today. Half way through them 😩

Foster - I have been lurking on the thread from the start, and hugely admiring you. To completely shut him off must have taken immense strength, I am not sure I could have done it.

I know you have said you are in NW, don't know where, but I am in Cheshire, and would be happy to meet up with you anywhere within striking distance (also happy to travel within reason).

I have a dog that I take out on long walks in various places in NW, including Peak district and the coast, you would be more than welcome to join me any time, just PM me. (Equally happy to have a coffee and just listen/talk). Exercise and fresh air can do wonders for mood lifting, as I am sure you know. I sometimes have to drag myself out, but always feel better.

Whilst I haven't lost a partner, I have lost both parents (last just 2yrs ago) and had friends turn their back on me, so have an idea about how those affect people.