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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Just discovered OH is with someone else

659 replies

Fosterdog123 · 07/01/2018 19:04

Been together 12 years. Last 2 years have been tough - last 12 months particularly so but we were limping on. My gut instinct made me go digging. He is with a 20-something beautiful young woman. He's a walking fucking cliche. My knees are like jelly and I feel sick to the pit of my stomach. I want nothing more to do with him but I feel like I've been dropped into a surreal dream/nightmare. I have lost so much recently and this is the final blow.

OP posts:
BitOutOfPractice · 28/01/2018 12:46

Reasons not years Hmm

KeziaOAP · 28/01/2018 17:23

I also believe he didn't know you knew until sending the the photo evidence, he thought his secret was well hidden and wanted to still be in touch with you. Hope the evidence gave him a good punch in the gut he deserves it for the way he's treated you. I too think he will contact you again.

NameWithChange · 28/01/2018 19:57

Foster I agree that may be it now regarding him contacting which is probably no bad thing (for you).

He knows you know. He knows there is no going back and you aren't going to be second best with a prick you can't trust.

He is with her for all the wrong reasons - she may be likewise with him - regardless you are right, they are welcome to each other.

Onwards and upwards!!

AnotherPlaceAnotherTime · 28/01/2018 20:00

He sounds awful. You’re well rid. Disrespectful person!

MilliePe · 28/01/2018 21:40

Oh gosh, I'm sorry you're going through this. You know the cliche of the middle aged man (wealthy.......) with the younger woman doesn't last?! This is a moment in time and right now that probably means nothing to you understandably, but experience tells me this is almost definitely right. A moment in time which is utterly rubbish but in 2 years time, it will be just that. If his wealth is all he has going for him (not even a personal asset in a sense, much better to be a good person, but ..)then please just hit him where it hurts if possible. May not be a popular opinion and I'm all for men's rights ordinarily but ..! Sending you lots of positivity xx

Original poster
Fosterdog123 · 05/02/2018 16:43

He popped out of the woodwork again. Sent a text in the middle of the night saying, for what it's worth, it's a real shame that he's lost me and such a waste. It's like he's disassociated from what he's done and sees it all as a benign event that's happened. It's almost like he's a victim in this and he takes no responsibility for his actions. Just bizarre.

OP posts:
Thebluedog · 05/02/2018 16:47

Can’t say I’m overly surprised he’s popped back up. Probably starting to realise what a tit he’s been and what a good thing he had with you.

He’s trying to minimise what he’s done in the vain hope you’ll start up a conversation and he can worm his way back in.

Men like him have no morals and will do what they can to keep what they want.

Original poster
Fosterdog123 · 05/02/2018 16:58

But it seems such a weird comment to make. No, I'm so sorry for what I've done, etc etc. It's almost like he's blaming me for chucking it all away cos I'm not speaking to him.

OP posts:
Turnedacorner · 05/02/2018 17:01

So predictable! Keep strong Foster Thanks

Original poster
Fosterdog123 · 05/02/2018 17:22

For the first time, I want to respond. He's caught me at a low ebb (issues elsewhere in my life). I don't feel very strong right now. 😔

OP posts:
WhatCanIDoNowPlease · 05/02/2018 17:26

DO NOT RESPOND.

IF YOU DO, ALL THE WISE WOMEN HERE WILL GET CROSS.

FuckYouDailyMail · 05/02/2018 17:32

Listen to the Mumsnet nest of vipers foster and ignore the arse.

SandyY2K · 05/02/2018 17:37

for what it's worth, it's a real shame that he's lost me and such a waste.

That's his apology. He's trying to say it's a shame he fucked up and has lost you.

KeziaOAP · 05/02/2018 17:39

Not surprised, think he's feeling the guilt or maybe not.

If you do respond say you didn't lose me you discarded me.

Does he like to have the last word?

Turnedacorner · 05/02/2018 17:45

I think I get how you are feeling.....you want answers and to try and understand why he has done what he has done. I think I'd feel the same in your shoes, loose ends and all that. It's a tough decision to have to make. At the end of the day it's your call.

mummmy2017 · 05/02/2018 17:48

Maybe he got dumped and your the sloppy 2nds.

Sorry I know that sounds bad, you are woman.
You are brave. ignor him and move on or forever be left overs.

Kiki275 · 05/02/2018 17:48

She might be beautiful OP, but the photos won't show up the clap, genital warts or anything else she's riddled with, making her ugly on the inside.

On a serious note - you might wanna get checked out yourself as the floozie might not be his first and he might not have been careful.

sportyfool · 05/02/2018 17:53

I would have to reply to that for sure .. I know you have been very dignified but how dare he !!!

Primarkismyonlyoption · 05/02/2018 17:55

Horrible op o feel for you. Imagine them 'making love'. Then think again.

Dard · 05/02/2018 17:57

Stay strong he will keep tryingx

Original poster
Fosterdog123 · 05/02/2018 18:00

I don't subscribe to the school of thinking that vilifies the woman. Why is she a 'floozie '? She's done nothing wrong. She's probably perfectly lovely. It's him who's turned out to be rotten on the inside.

Sandy - I think you're right, it's his apology. He's never been great at apologising.

Does he like the last word? I guess so but not in a bad way.

OP posts:
kalinkafoxtrot45 · 05/02/2018 18:04

Block and ignore! You have ten times more class than this weak, sad man. He has no control over you and doesn’t like it. Well, what a shame. IGNORE.

Dard · 05/02/2018 18:06

My ex said the same such a shame we were good together. Well why was he fucking 21 year old?I gave him a chance he carried on for a year promises destroyed me,I held on with her.He is now 50 with a baby.They do what is best for them their ego.Grass is not greener he obviously been dumped or realised what a catch u are don't doubt yourself he is only out for himself

ddrmum · 05/02/2018 18:10

You are doing amazingly well - so dignified. Can you just block him? Or if you really feel the need to reply, try 'who is this?' & block 🤔 Do something nice just for you this evening.

Doublemint · 05/02/2018 18:16

Sounds to me like he's desperate for a response, any response, to flatter his ego- don't give it to him OP! Ignoring him will wind him up way more!