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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Dh has been having an affair. He get a home in an hour. Please keep me calm.

943 replies

youspinmerightround · 04/01/2018 21:12

Found emails and a receipt for flowers. The emails are just Facebook messenger notifications so I can't read what they say but he's addressed the flowers to "my love".

I'm in with the 3 dc. I'm going to be sick.

OP posts:
APlaceAtTheBSDTable · 04/01/2018 21:58

Can you call a family member or friend to babysit the DC so you can talk to him outwith their hearing eg in the car?

DotCottonDotCom · 04/01/2018 21:58

Well the threads deleted, and clearly something to hide.

You will be lied to tonight. Every last fucking word that comes out his mouth will be a lie.

I am so so sorry. I’ve been there. I’ve felt my soul drain from me as I read those messages, it is sheet cruelty and I suffer terribly a year on. Daily hell.

Pereie · 04/01/2018 21:58

He doesn't know what you know, so make sure you call his bluff and you will find out so much more

PasstheStarmix · 04/01/2018 21:58

You and the children are all that matters. Things will get better it might not seem like it now but time is a great healer and calmer is a bitch

Whisky2014 · 04/01/2018 21:58

I think you can get back deleted messages btw. So once you see him ask for his phone and also google how to do it. I think it's in the archive section of messages.

passemoileappletiser · 04/01/2018 21:58

So sorry. Hope you have someone to lean on IRL Thanks

flimp · 04/01/2018 21:58

ugh. what a cunt. so sorry OP. Flowers

BifsWif · 04/01/2018 21:58

It’s not games.

I was made to feel like I was going mad because I only had a little bit of evidence and he was able to twist it and minimise it until I didn’t know what to believe.

For some people, what the OP has would be enough to end the marriage but for me it would have helped to have been able to read the messages between those involved and be sure in what I was doing.

WinchestersInATardis · 04/01/2018 21:59

Facebook lets you stay logged in on other devices on your old password if you've reset it on your laptop. It gives you the option to stay logged in (I keep forgetting mine!)

BifsWif · 04/01/2018 21:59

Search her name in messages as if you were going to start a conversation with her. If he’s only archived them, they will appear in the chat box.

wibblywobblyfish · 04/01/2018 22:00

I'm so sorry this is happening to you. I remember being sick when I found out too. I felt frozen to the spot, like a rabbit in the headlights. You know what you have seen, don't let him minimise or bullshit his way out of it. Empty the bank accounts and stash away all birth certs, passports etc. Change all your passwords. Time to put yourself first. Thanks

DotCottonDotCom · 04/01/2018 22:00

Its nothing to do with the ow

It has something to do with her. What kind of woman fucks a married man and KNOWINGLY participated in destroying a family.

I fucking despise women who don’t look out for the sisterhood

Original poster
youspinmerightround · 04/01/2018 22:00

They didn't appear in the chat box. I sent her a message 😳

OP posts:
Laine21 · 04/01/2018 22:00

Think clearly, coldly and plan plan plan

I have no idea what your financial situation is, but my advice is to look at what you have, what you need, and as others have said, move money, bit by bit.

Take time to think about your situation, yes you can go ballistic, but then it may not work out the way you want or expect. What is he usually like as a person? How is he likely to react? Only you know this.

It's a good idea to say you don't feel well and go to bed, make him take responsibility while you are ill for a couple of days and take time to think how you feel about this, and plan for what you want.

Stay safe, do you have a family member or close, and I mean close friend you can trust to talk to. You and your children are the important ones in this situation. Just try and stay calm and don't give anything away until you know how you want to take this forward.

Pereie · 04/01/2018 22:00

Thats it, if he denies everything ask for access to his phone. If he doesn't give you it he has something to hide. Make sure you check the maps too, you might find her address in there.

Original poster
youspinmerightround · 04/01/2018 22:00

It just said hey to see if she would reply . She didn't. He's here now.

OP posts:
Amaz24 · 04/01/2018 22:00

You love him, you'll want to believe what he tells you coz the alternative is a unbearable thought I did. But there's no respect for you, and you and the children deserve better

BackInTheRoom · 04/01/2018 22:01

@DotCottonDotCom

Yep I will never get over this and I'm 16 months on.

DarthNigel · 04/01/2018 22:01

Be strong op, thinking of you

Amaz24 · 04/01/2018 22:01

Good luck Hun xx

ButteredScone · 04/01/2018 22:01

HE WILL LIE.

APlaceAtTheBSDTable · 04/01/2018 22:01

Why did you message her?

PasstheStarmix · 04/01/2018 22:02

Tell the slapper there's others he's been seeing as well and I bet then she'll soon come clean with everything you need to know.

WinchestersInATardis · 04/01/2018 22:02

Good luck. Im sorry you're going through this. Flowers

Pereie · 04/01/2018 22:02

She knows he is married, so I don't think you can trust a word that comes out of her mouth

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